On Dismantling Your Suffering

I think from my own experience suffering comes from some reaction to an event. For instance, I still feel my body become angry or perhaps saddened when I feel that someone is judging me harshly. I've found that when I am aware that I am "suffering" I am somehow not caught up in it quite so much. If I am angry and I notice that I am "angry" then I usually remember to become interested in just the feeling in my body. Its a habit worth cultivating. Each flavor of suffering feels different in the body. Anger, for me feels like energy coursing through all my veins with the center being in my chest. Its really interesting to watch it. Sadness also is interesting to notice. They all are. Some feeling states are much more subtle than others. Arrogance is much more subtle than Animosity.

Its also interesting to notice how certain thoughts arise automatically when certain feeling states are present. Like when I notice someone scowl at me, my body instantly recoils and this starts a cascade of thoughts which are always on the theme of "How dare they think these things" or "They are such a jerk." Being aware of the body's feelings and the thoughts that come up when those feelings are present is a really interesting, almost scientific way of finding peace within the storm while at the same time learning about who you are.  

One caveat to this approach however, is: If you seek peace or to get rid of the feelings, you will find only suffering even if you are feeling the feelings. I've found that the way out of suffering is to drive your awareness with curiosity, and the desire to really learn about your "self." You may notice that the feeling state can not survive without the thoughts that come from the feeling state being believed in. If you are more interested in feeling your feelings fully, rather than getting caught up in the automatic thoughts/beliefs, then you are not dragging your feet while at the same time you are not really "doing" anything. Since awareness isn't really "doing" anything, and has no real goal other than just to be aware there need be no effort or resistance in it. There is just curiosity which is playful if anything. Over time I've found that I don't get angry much anymore. Its like some programming that created itself has been seen through more and more thoroughly over time until you just know in your bones that there is no reason to take life so personally anymore. Its just life. :-)

When I am not aware that I am suffering then I am actually suffering. I am "dragging my feet" so to speak or as I like to say: 'I can suffer as much as I want.' This is because I will suffer over and over until I do notice it. Being aware that you are suffering, and being interested in just the feeling state, and moving your awareness there with gentle curiosity is the key that I've found to seeing my attachments for what they are, and seeing "my ego" for what it is. It requires no "effort" to be aware of your suffering, it only takes courage and curiosity to feel your feelings as fully as you can when they come up.  

I've found that over time my courage to feel the difficult feelings has increased because I realize that I can make it through. For instance the second time I got my heart broke it was somehow easier.  Living life with more courage is a side effect of dismantling the suffering through mindfulness of body practice. As long as you do it out of curiosity instead of a desire for internal peace it will eventually have the result of bringing more peace. Having more courage to feel whatever feelings come up will likely lead to many good things in your life aside from just feeling less suffering.