Awareness is Enough
As we get older, we all learn things about ourselves. We, in essence, get to know ourselves. For example, we may get jealous easily. 'Why does she get to win?!' might be what we say in our heads when someone from the office wins a large sum of money on a scratch ticket. We may find fault in ourselves such as when we don't get the grade we had hoped for on that big test. Those are both examples of thought types we may have on a regular basis. There are many more.
You probably have observed this for yourself. Each thought we have is like a little statement of "fact" and many times we believe in the validity or truth of each of these statements of "fact." Sometimes we only superficially believe in them or we only hope they are true. When we say to ourselves: "I am really fantastic" we may not really believe it. Whenever we have two opposite "facts" somewhere in our brains there is likely a storm going on, because its almost inconceivable that two opposite "facts" might both be true or both be false. In our brains there can be only one which is really true. If we say to ourselfs "I am really fantasic", that "fact" has another "fact which is often the polar opposite like: 'I'm a piece of shit." Since both of these facts can't be true, our brains either have to suppress and ignore one of them or a storm rages in our brain while it tries to determine which is true. Often on the surface we believe we one thing, while deep down, we believe the opposite. Since both thoughts can not exist together. one is suppressed and ignored. Its like we separate the two things so that they can't be believed at the same time, or they can't be disbelieved at the same time. It explains a lot when you think about it. Sometimes your thoughts might be depressing thoughts like when you believe the 'I'm a piece of shit' belief, or they are elated thoghts when we believe the 'I am fantasic' belief. Have you noticed any of these thought patterns in yourself? This is a good pattern to see if you want to see.
It is possible to question all these "facts" which we are so quick to believe in. When we notice our self say "I'm fantastic." we could immediately be suspicious of that "fact." We could say: 'How do I know this is so?' Questioning these statement's validity is it good way of dismantling them and transcend them. However, most of the time when these mental "facts" pop up, we don't notice. We get caught up in them and believe in them fully. Without a broader awareness of them as a thought that has happened we become those thoughts. We become the impoverished little being that no one loves. We become the victim of bad luck that marks our failed life. Most of the time, when we think, we aren't aware of those thoughts, and so we assume we are those thoughts or in other words we assume that "Thats just he way it is." We believe in our beliefs fully and act out our lives according to the roles we create for ourselves. When we aren't aware of our thoughts, we live a dream like existence where we play out dramas and experience great suffering and aren't really fully aware of our life. Instead of appreciating the beauty of a plastic bag rolling in the wind, we are thinking about that snide remark someone gave us at lunch.
The good news is, as a human being, we have the capacity to transcend those dramas and roles, because we have the ability to be aware of our thoughts. Can a dog escape their role as a dog? Probably not, because they probably don't have the capacity to be aware of their thoughts, but we as humans do. In fact, we have just done that right now.
This awareness is our birthright, and not only does it mean we have the capacity to escape suffering, it also means we have the capacity to evolve into enlightened beings. Most of us have already had moments when we became aware of our thoughts. Maybe we noticed right after yelling at our partner for not listening when we assumed they should. Maybe we noticed just how much we obsessed about what might go wrong in the future when we felt worried. We might fill up that moment of awareness with another thought (or statement of "fact") such as: "I can't believe I worry so much. What is wrong with me?" But that second "fact" is just another thought. The really wonderful thing that happened was the awareness of the first thought. That awareness probably only lasted a fraction of a second before the second thought or "fact" zipped in, but the awareness did come in. We are capable of this kind of awareness and that is a really amazing aspect of what it means to be human. Realizing just how wonderful this kind of awareness is, can lead to more of this kind of awareness and can turn a negative thought into a positive realization.
Awareness is like a muscle; the more we exercise it, the stronger it gets. This is why meditation is so powerfully transformative, because its like taking our awareness to the gym. Noticing our thoughts and going back to the breath again and again after each thought you notice is a habit that grows the more you do it.
As your awareness becomes stronger, it becomes a habit in every day life. You begin to notice when you get angry. You begin to notice when you self deprecate, or when you are full of yourself. You begin to notice so much about yourself when you strengthen your awareness. When you meditate every day, even for just five minutes, your awareness arises. You may get to the point where you are aware of what is going on in your mind and body and world all the time. This is what is often reffered to as being the witness. As you notice your thougths more and more, you begin to observe yourself in new ways. You are becoming free of the you, you believed was you.
Strengthening this kind of awareness is more important than brushing your teeth or eating lots of vegetables. Those things are important but not as important as transcending your harmful patterns and becoming free of your suffering. Awareness is the foundation of spiritual growth and because we can strengthen this muscle by meditating we have a precious opportunity to become liberated from suffering and to become truely helpful to the world.
Besides meditating, there are other ways to strengthen your awareness. Getting into the habit of being mindful of how your body feels and the sensations in your body, is another powerful way to cultivate your awareness. If you are hungry, be curious about what that feeling really feels like. Stop for 30 seconds and notice all the sensations in your body, especially when those feelings are strong. The noticing, is the awareness arising.
If the noticing is done with playful curiousity, it will lead to more awareness in your future. Curiousity is the joyful seeking of truth, and before we have any other kind of motivation we have curiousity. This is why curiousity is not part of the ego or the "me plan."; those came later in our developement. The next time you see little kids looking at a flower, know that the joy they are feeling comes from their innate curiousity. We never lose that, it only gets covered up. Awareness practices help to uncover that. Curiousity is what you may be missing in your life. Its not really missing though, just supressed.
Another technique which is useful in strengthening that awareness is the habit of replaying what we said to people or to ourselves, while being curious as to why we said it. Remembering how we were gossiping about a co-worker might lead us to many realizations about ourself and our relationships with others. The important thing is not to beat ourself up for not being the perfect being we had hoped we were, but rather to just rest in that curiousity and to try to find and learn deeper patterns about ourselves just because its interesting. The important thing to realize is that the awareness which sees the pattern is not a part of the pattern. The awareness of the gossip is not a part of the ego which feels the need to gossip. Simply knowing that you are more than just that gossipy person, is a source of peace which is underneath the gossip. The gossip is like peanut butter on a china plate. The plate is not stained by it, and neither are you for having that pattern or habit. The plate may be completely hidden by the peanut butter but it will always be clean underneath.
When you notice some pattern in your thoughts which you don't like, remember you are the awareness which underlies the pattern and the very fact that you are aware of that thought or that pattern is something to rejoyce in because its a reminder that you are not the peanut butter, you are the china plate. If another judgeing thought or "fact" pops up after noticing the first thought, its really great to realize that that second conclusion is just another thought; just another smear of peanut butter. Its not a permanent problem, only a temporary one. The fact that you are aware of the thought means you already are transcending it to some extent.
I remember when I first become aware that I often scolded myself for thinking while meditating. I realized that the scolding thoughts were just more thoughts. I also realized that thoughts were like clouds in the sky. Thoughts were just as temporary and ephemeral as clouds and so really weren't a problem. The awareness of thougths undermines and dissolves them when the awareness is more interesting than the thoughts. The mind will naturally gravitate to awareness rather than the thoughts when the thoughts are seen this way and eventually those thoughts will not come as quickly or as often. Simple awareness bathed in the joy of curiousity without personal agenda is the key to escaping the jail of your thoughts.
I also realized that willing myself into non-distraction, just wasn't working for me. If anything it seemed to make me think more and be aware less. Later I realized that the force of will is the force of the ego, and the ego is the source for almost all thoughts. By trying to strengthen my will power I was actually strengthening my ego and creating more thoughts. This is why asceticism often feeds pride and arrogance. This is why allowing curiousity to come into your awareness again is important because curiousity came before the ego and is not a part of it. Ride the wave of curiousity for no other reason than because its fun. When your curiousity based awareness is fun, then it will arise more and more. If the awareness is based in the "me plan" then its probably not much fun. At least it wasn't for me. I don't think my awareness really grew all that much when I thought I needed to become someone different like a better meditator, or practicioner. But when I was looking at myself out of just curiousity alone, my awareness grew and the mind settled into a more peaceful state all on its own.
Thoughts are like clouds, they come and go, arise and fall, form and dissolve. A cloud can appear to be a pirate ship, for instance, but we know that it really isn't, and if we look at it long enough, it will surely melt and morf into something else and eventiually, it will dissolve. The awareness of the cloud does not dissolve, however. It is there, all the time. It never dissolves or morfs, it just is aware. This is why reincarnation is possible, because even though the body may die and dissolve, the awareness contained by the body does not. At least this is what I've heard.
Awareness is like a canvass which can be the foundation of all paintings which are created upon it. Thoughts or ego would not be possible without awareness, yet somehow, most of us really haven't become aware of it. Yes, awareness can even be aware of itself. Isn't that what we are doing right now?
The next time you are aware that you have been thinking on the cusion, remember that its the awareness which allowed you to know that you were thinking. The thought wasn't really important, but the awareness arising was. You can rejoice in that instead of feeling like you failed in your quest for peace and enlightnement. So when you notice your thoughts, rejoice in the joy of that. That is a moment of enlightenment which is your birthright. The more joy you feel, the more you will be aware of in the future until, your allegence to the present moment exceeds your allegance to your thoughts. This habit of noticing the awareness and feeling the joy of that arising is a very good habit indeed. It is a huge step in your spiritual growth and the spiritual growth of the planet as a whole.
Some people might assume that thoughtless awareness is a dull kind of stupidity but I can assure you, its not. It is the source of all wisdom, understanding and all creation. The wisdom and creative energy of the Universe can only flow through us when our ego gets out of the way. The practice of prajna paramita is the practice of tuning into that quiet, all pervasive wisdom-awareness; which leads to the dissolution of ignorance and a very clear seeing of what is. When you know this in your heart, you can not help but smile.
Noticing your thougths without judgement is noticing them in a state of peace. Just seeing is enough. There is no effort in the seeing. Effort only gets in the way. Any effort to get rid of effort is in the end, just another mind made agenda and will not work. So give that up. Allow your thoughts to come and go but get into the habit of being aware of them out of simple curiousity, and no more. Resting in the joy of simply seeing is all thats needed and since you already have that awareness underneath everything else, you don't need to acquire it, only uncover it.
In the Prajna Paramita sutra, which is probably the most profound teaching the Buddha ever gave, is a teaching on emptiness. There is a line that says, 'There is no attainment and there is no non-attainment.' This is the one fact you can rejoice in. You already have what you need to transcend the suffering and drama of this life and all the other possible ones too.
Awareness is the thing to cultivate. Not virtue, not discipline, not magical powers of concentration. All those attributes will likely come right out of the peace which awaits you, like flowers sprouting out of the soil in the spring. Focus on the soil of your pracitce, and that is your awareness.
