Confidence
When a person has great “Hutzpa” or “Gusto” or “Mojo,” you can be sure they have high self-esteem.
When a person of great Beauty and confidence enters a room, almost everyone takes notice.
They are more likely to be believed, trusted, and liked then when an average looking person enters
the room. Why is this? Is it their beauty or their confidence which gives them such power over others’
opinions? I found that it's mostly confidence which makes a person attractive. I've known very
beautiful people who didn't appear to be attractive at first because they had such low self-esteem.
I’ve also seen the opposite. I see examples of people like Mick Jagger for instance. He is usually
treated with great respect, deference, and awe by most people he meets. He seems totally confident
despite his lack of good looks. Good looks and confidence play off each other and without one the other would vanish. These two qualities that some seem to have in abundance co-create each other. That being said, I feel confidence is the most important in terms of the reality we create for ourselves.
When a person of great Beauty and confidence enters a room, almost everyone takes notice.
They are more likely to be believed, trusted, and liked then when an average looking person enters
the room. Why is this? Is it their beauty or their confidence which gives them such power over others’
opinions? I found that it's mostly confidence which makes a person attractive. I've known very
beautiful people who didn't appear to be attractive at first because they had such low self-esteem.
I’ve also seen the opposite. I see examples of people like Mick Jagger for instance. He is usually
treated with great respect, deference, and awe by most people he meets. He seems totally confident
despite his lack of good looks. Good looks and confidence play off each other and without one the other would vanish. These two qualities that some seem to have in abundance co-create each other. That being said, I feel confidence is the most important in terms of the reality we create for ourselves.
Confidence in how we look to others, and confidence in how others will treat us is only one type of
confidence. There are many. Confidence can be focused. You can be confident in your ability to
grow roses and when the day comes that you get your big reward for the prettiest rose, that
confidence will shine. Being an expert is having confidence in your knowledge of a particular topic.
There are many different flavors of confidence, yet a common thread runs through them all. That
thread is having a belief in one's agency, or one's ability to accomplish.
confidence. There are many. Confidence can be focused. You can be confident in your ability to
grow roses and when the day comes that you get your big reward for the prettiest rose, that
confidence will shine. Being an expert is having confidence in your knowledge of a particular topic.
There are many different flavors of confidence, yet a common thread runs through them all. That
thread is having a belief in one's agency, or one's ability to accomplish.
Confidence, when you get right down to it, is a form of belief in oneself. The flip side of confidence is
low confidence, or low self-esteem. I think it's fair to say that just about everybody at times knows
what it feels like to believe that they're a failure or that they're no good or that they're unattractive or
that they're unlovable. At some point in everybody's life we all feel that way. Is it true to say that
without confidence then you almost always believe the flip side is true? Is it true to say that without
confidence, whatever it is you are trying to do, deep down you believe you can't? Whatever it is that
you lack confidence in; you always believe you can't. If you believe you can't fix your car by yourself
then you probably won’t be able to. You may even have the sad sad believe that you could never
learn. How’s that for believing in the “I can’t” belief? If you believe that no one will want to dance
with you at the high school dance, then you may believe or suspect that you can't attract anyone.
Whatever it is that you lack confidence in, there is always an underlying assumption of “I can't.”
Confidence seems to stem from the flip side of that belief. That is in the assumption of “I can.”
When we have confidence we often are able to over come great odds and accomplish amazing things.
low confidence, or low self-esteem. I think it's fair to say that just about everybody at times knows
what it feels like to believe that they're a failure or that they're no good or that they're unattractive or
that they're unlovable. At some point in everybody's life we all feel that way. Is it true to say that
without confidence then you almost always believe the flip side is true? Is it true to say that without
confidence, whatever it is you are trying to do, deep down you believe you can't? Whatever it is that
you lack confidence in; you always believe you can't. If you believe you can't fix your car by yourself
then you probably won’t be able to. You may even have the sad sad believe that you could never
learn. How’s that for believing in the “I can’t” belief? If you believe that no one will want to dance
with you at the high school dance, then you may believe or suspect that you can't attract anyone.
Whatever it is that you lack confidence in, there is always an underlying assumption of “I can't.”
Confidence seems to stem from the flip side of that belief. That is in the assumption of “I can.”
When we have confidence we often are able to over come great odds and accomplish amazing things.
Whether we have confidence or no confidence we are seeing our world through, a similar belief
system. The confidence/ no confidence belief system is our answer to knowing who we are. Whether
we are abundantly confident, or we lack it completely, the common thread between these two ways of
seeing ourself in the world is that both see the world through the lens of the self. These are beliefs
about the self. We may assume that others see us as no good, or uninteresting, or unworthy. Notice
the “un” in front of each label? The flip side of each label is “good,” “interesting,” “Worthy.”
system. The confidence/ no confidence belief system is our answer to knowing who we are. Whether
we are abundantly confident, or we lack it completely, the common thread between these two ways of
seeing ourself in the world is that both see the world through the lens of the self. These are beliefs
about the self. We may assume that others see us as no good, or uninteresting, or unworthy. Notice
the “un” in front of each label? The flip side of each label is “good,” “interesting,” “Worthy.”
What if all those beliefs were false? What if both the positive and negative self views were false?
What if the whole spectrum of self views were all false? What then? Who would you be? This is
something worth contemplating. If you want to contemplate this, the don't forget that question. Ask it
again and again:. “who would you be without these beliefs in yourself?” Resting in the unknowable
nature of that question is the best way to contemplate it.
What if the whole spectrum of self views were all false? What then? Who would you be? This is
something worth contemplating. If you want to contemplate this, the don't forget that question. Ask it
again and again:. “who would you be without these beliefs in yourself?” Resting in the unknowable
nature of that question is the best way to contemplate it.
Perhaps the next question, once you become comfortable with not knowing who you are, is the more
important question. That question is: who is asking and why? Don’t worry about finding an answer to
these questions either. Learn to see all answers are just more beliefs about the self.
important question. That question is: who is asking and why? Don’t worry about finding an answer to
these questions either. Learn to see all answers are just more beliefs about the self.
Why not just stay? Stay in the place of not knowing. Stay in the place of openness to possibilities,
openness to change, to anything. This is the place where curiosity is born. This is the place where life
truly happens.
openness to change, to anything. This is the place where curiosity is born. This is the place where life
truly happens.
Most of us can only live our life fully when we forget the self. We are only truly alive when we forget
the self. Holding a newborn in our arms is one way to forget the self. Flying down a mountain on a
snowboard in a foot of fresh powder is maybe another way to briefly forget the self. Gazing into the
eyes of the one you have just fallen totally in love with is another example. In all these experiences
and so many more like them, we probably felt very alive. There is a reason for that.
the self. Holding a newborn in our arms is one way to forget the self. Flying down a mountain on a
snowboard in a foot of fresh powder is maybe another way to briefly forget the self. Gazing into the
eyes of the one you have just fallen totally in love with is another example. In all these experiences
and so many more like them, we probably felt very alive. There is a reason for that.
What a good day it is when we have experienced life while the “self” took a backseat to the
experience. Do you remember what it felt like when you were experiencing life without the burden
and anxiety of maintaining or improving the self? The self takes so much of our energy to maintain
and protect, not to mention all the ambitions we have that will “define” us in some way. The problem is,
that all those things which are used to define the self, and to protect the self, and to maintain the self,
limit “our” awareness to a fine point. A point in space and time which invariably misses the big picture.
experience. Do you remember what it felt like when you were experiencing life without the burden
and anxiety of maintaining or improving the self? The self takes so much of our energy to maintain
and protect, not to mention all the ambitions we have that will “define” us in some way. The problem is,
that all those things which are used to define the self, and to protect the self, and to maintain the self,
limit “our” awareness to a fine point. A point in space and time which invariably misses the big picture.
The drama that can result from the narrow view of the self is apparent to anyone who watches this
kind of human plight. Have you ever noticed that during a big drama storm there is often someone
quietly watching the whole thing go down? Didn’t it seem that they were the one who were most free
of the drama? They weren’t stressed about it because they probably saw that in the long run, it all
meant pretty much nothing. Perhaps one could make the argument that those experiences had to be
experienced by those involved and so in that sense they had meaning, but not the same meaning that
those caught in the drama believed at the time. Think of all the dramas that must have occurred over
the vast expanse of history. How many of those still have meaning? Did they ever? This is what it
means to see the truth of a thing.
kind of human plight. Have you ever noticed that during a big drama storm there is often someone
quietly watching the whole thing go down? Didn’t it seem that they were the one who were most free
of the drama? They weren’t stressed about it because they probably saw that in the long run, it all
meant pretty much nothing. Perhaps one could make the argument that those experiences had to be
experienced by those involved and so in that sense they had meaning, but not the same meaning that
those caught in the drama believed at the time. Think of all the dramas that must have occurred over
the vast expanse of history. How many of those still have meaning? Did they ever? This is what it
means to see the truth of a thing.
There is relative truth and absolute truth. Those caught in the drama are seeing their world from the
lens of the self and through the limited lens of relative truth are caught in that limited understanding.
Those who sit in the corner and grin perhaps see the situation from the perspective of absolute truth,
or a perspective closer to that. They are free of the drama. Although they experience the same
situation, they are free of the suffering and anxiety, and adrenaline. They are also free of the hatred
and violence and fear. They have much more peace than those caught in the drama. Those playing
out the roles of “their” selves are the ones who are suffering. (I put the possessive pronoun in quotes
because who owns who? Do you possess your “self” or does it possess you?)
lens of the self and through the limited lens of relative truth are caught in that limited understanding.
Those who sit in the corner and grin perhaps see the situation from the perspective of absolute truth,
or a perspective closer to that. They are free of the drama. Although they experience the same
situation, they are free of the suffering and anxiety, and adrenaline. They are also free of the hatred
and violence and fear. They have much more peace than those caught in the drama. Those playing
out the roles of “their” selves are the ones who are suffering. (I put the possessive pronoun in quotes
because who owns who? Do you possess your “self” or does it possess you?)
If you contemplate what it is to know thyself without all the labels and beliefs, you may realize
something incredibly profound. In fact, one day you may realize exactly what the Buddha meant by
the term “no-self.” When you see the world through the lens of absolute truth, you will be free of seeing
it through the lens of the self because you will see that, like everything which is compounded, it is only
real in a limited sense. In other words, you may see someday when you least expect it, that life is not
really real. When you see that the self is just another set of beliefs, you may be free of it. As you
realize this, you may find that you do not have to take your life and “your” self so seriously. Mistakes
take on a whole new meaning when you no longer have to prove your self.
something incredibly profound. In fact, one day you may realize exactly what the Buddha meant by
the term “no-self.” When you see the world through the lens of absolute truth, you will be free of seeing
it through the lens of the self because you will see that, like everything which is compounded, it is only
real in a limited sense. In other words, you may see someday when you least expect it, that life is not
really real. When you see that the self is just another set of beliefs, you may be free of it. As you
realize this, you may find that you do not have to take your life and “your” self so seriously. Mistakes
take on a whole new meaning when you no longer have to prove your self.
Once you see the flowing, ever changing nature of life, and can feel the true depths of impermanence
then you will be close to understanding what the enlightened ones meant when they said there is no
self. To realize the nature of self is to be free of it and all suffering. This is what they say, but find out
for yourself. Don’t take the Buddha’s word for it, contemplate with the aim of finding the truth for
"your"self.
then you will be close to understanding what the enlightened ones meant when they said there is no
self. To realize the nature of self is to be free of it and all suffering. This is what they say, but find out
for yourself. Don’t take the Buddha’s word for it, contemplate with the aim of finding the truth for
"your"self.
