Happiness is a choice.
Is it really? Hmmm. Lets think about this for a minute. That statement just doesn't seem to be true. What about people caught up in a war that they had nothing to do with? How could they be happy with bombs exploding all around them and their loves ones disappearing one by one? How could people who had had loads of bad luck, and find themselves homeless, in a city without sympathy, be happy? How could happiness be a choice when clearly there is so much suffering beyond our control or doing? Maybe we should take a different perspective and explore those avenues of thought that come from that perspective for a few minutes. What causes suffering? Is it the person, place or situation that causes you to suffer? Is your suffering because of the slow, beaurocratic DMV which causes you to painfiully wait for an hour just to renew your license? Did they cause your suffering? How could you choose happiness when clearly you had no control over the situation which led to you having to spend an hour in extreme boredom, in a stress filled room? Some might argue that you could have just not gone; but then what would you have told the police officer who stopped you and asked why your license was expired?
So much of what happens to us in life is beyond our control. Even the richest people on the planet have limitations. All the kings and queens and totalitarian dictators of the past did not control everything and everyone. Even they suffered because things just didn't always go the way they wanted them to. Is this what the Buddha meant when he talked about universal suffering in the first Noble Truth? I think it is.
But what about the other three Noble truths? What was said about happiness and suffering in them? Basically, the Buddha said, in the second Noble Truth, that suffering has a cause. There are causes and conditions which play out every day. These causes and conditions can play out in ways that create situations in our life which cause us to suffer. Sometimes it was the bad decisions we made that created those situations, and sometimes it all was seemingly random. If we lie to our friend a lot, why are we surprised when he catches us in a lie by some random hapenstance? Why are we surprised when he leave us in the dust for better friends?
In a general sense, all things exist and flow in the direction they do, because of a lot of different causes and conditions which play themself out according to the laws of physics, chemistry and karma. Saying that suffering has a cause, is essentially just stating the obvious. That's how the universe works. It may see random when war breaks out, but is it really? Wars are caused by humans trying to get more of something or to prevent the opposite from happening. There were many causes and conditions which led to each and every war that ever happened on this planet or any other. Being aware of the causes and conditions around you can help you avoid those situations which will likely cause you to suffer. Moving to a neutral country before the war starts can only happen if you are aware of the causes and conditions which are in play. There are no guarantees but it is possible to avoid many, (but not all) situations which would cause you to suffer. The fact that there is suffering, and it has a cause leads us to the conclusion that there is a way to avoid suffering. This is the third Noble Truth; the fact that there are ways to avoid suffering or perhaps even to become free of any suffering.
Using skillful means such as the Noble Eightfold Path to avoid suffering is all well and good, and will probably make you a much more helpful, polite and happy person, but not all situations which make us suffer can be avoided. To be alive, it means you will die someday. That's depressing, but wait! Is it? Isn't death just a fact of life? How could there be life at all without death? Death is the end of a pattern which started when your parents had sex one night and will end when you draw your final breath. That pattern you recognize as "me" was not a fixed pattern. It changed over time. Who you are today is likely very different than who you were when you were ten years old. Life could not happen without constant change, and death is but one of those changes. If a person accepted their death and found peace in that fact of life, then would they suffer on their death bed? No, they wouldn't. We all know people who died in peace. So, even in the face of the worst possible thing that can and will inevitably happen to a person, ( to face their own death, ) it is possible to be happy and at peace.
This is essentially what the fourth Noble Truth says. There is a path out of suffering. There is a way to be happy and at peace no matter what the situation or circumstance. The Buddha put forth some suggestions or behavioural guidelines, which if followed long enough, can change the circumstances and situations that you find yourself in and more importantly your view which causes you to suffer again and again long after the event happened. For example: if you choose not to lie to friends, ever, then in the long run they will trust everything you say and will defend you with great loyalty and eventually you will trust others as they trust you. If you choose not to steal, then eventually people will invite you into their homes and hearts and you will be trusted and liked much more than if you steal a little thing here of a little thing there.
The noble eightfold path is a set of guidlines or self imposed rules which create good karma for you over time. Look them up, there is a lot of commentary about them. Some say that you must do these things or you will never be liberated from suffering, others say that they don't matter at all. You must decide for yourself.
Great things awaited me once I started following these guidelines. Guidelines I've followed at first out of effort but then eventually out of habit. I wasn't perfect but I have improved and my life is much better as a result. For instance: I've gotten so many good friends by simply getting into the habit of seeing others as equals. I've gotten so many free gifts from friends, once I was in the habit of being generous. Breaking the guidelines says nothing about your basic goodness, it only indicates that its a habit that needs to be better established.
However, that being said, its important to note that there are times when painful situations are inevitable. We are going to die after all. In the end, we all lose everything and everyone we ever loved. This is the unavoidable truth which we all avoid so well. How is it possible that some people can die in happiness and peace in the face of that tragedy which is happening to them? The answer is, they accept the situation they are in fully. In essense they give in to the situation in the same way you finally relax after waiting for a long time at the doctors office. Its the same kind of acceptance that you finally have when the boredom you were suffering with while meditating dissolves into bliss.
Acceptance is more than just giving in and declaring defeat. Its an end to your belief that the situation is what is causing the suffering instead of what is the true root of the suffering. What is the true root of the suffering? Your belief that the situation is not right and should be different than what it simply is. Seeing the fly in your $6 latte may seem like suffering for you, but just think about the poor fly. If you did, then you wouldn't be suffering anymore. You would be filled with compassion which is different than personal suffering. The self and our constant viewpoint of what is good for the self and what is bad for the self, is really at the root of the suffering and disappointment you feel when you see a fly in your $6 latte. "Why does this ALWAYS happen to me?" might be what you say inside your head in that situation. "Why me?"
Those words: "Why me?" are said because of the self centered viewpoint which you have grown into for many many years. That viewpoint is assuming that the present moment should have been different. Non acceptance of the present moment is what causes most if not all of your suffering. Learning to see, (even for brief moments) that it is your attachment to your "self" which causes you to see a situation as 'bad' or 'good' and causes you to resist the present moment. It is your attachment to your "self" which causes you to suffer not the situation which didn't work as planned.
To those who say that dropping a brick on your toe will always cause suffering, it should be pointed out that pain is not always synonymous with suffering. It often leads to it, but not neccessarily. The dog who gets bit may cry out in pain, but later they probably won't be thinking: 'Why me?' They will just move on to the next moment without really making too much out what happened to them at the dog park yesterday. They accept that it happened and move on.
If you find yourself in a situation where you are suffering, then look at the beliefs which are fueling your reaction and your thoughts and emotions to the situation. Is it really the situation which is causing the suffering, or is it those beliefs? Is the world causing your suffering or are you? If you blame yourself after reading this, then you are doubly suffering because you are thinking you could have been different or should have been. You are thinking you should have been different even though changing yourself takes time, honesty and the courage to be humbled. Blaming yourself for not being perfect is rooted in a self view which requires that you be perfect to be good. Is that assumption really true? Do you need to be perfect to be "good?"
The next time you notice your self blaming and shaming, remember that changing the self takes time and patience. If you see how blaming and shaming are essentially just like any other form of suffering that is caused because of your beliefs, then I recommend that you rest in that seeing with out the need to change yourself. Change happens and its inevitable, but positive change happens only when there is a true knowing of who you are now.
The future can be different with skillful means, dedication and confidence. Following the Noble Eightfold path will change your future in a positive way and will help condition your view to be less self centered which means you won't experience as many situations which currently make you suffer. The future can be changed, however the present moment or all the past moments, can not be changed. This is because all the causes and conditions that contributed to the present being what it is, have played themselves out.
Suffering because of something that is happening in the present or happened in the past is like living with a shadow that darkens your door often. We choose this suffering because we choose to resist it. For example: Forgiving someone is giving in to the fact that what ever happened happened and acceptance of what they did is the only way to end the energy of the situation. Knowing that they acted according to their programming, or upbringing, is helpful in moving toward forgiveness and acceptance. Forgiveness is an end to suffering for everyone involved if its rooted in acceptance that the past was what it was, and that that person was who they were.
Acceptance is the process of seeing that the universe could not have been different than how it turned out to be and each moment of the universe occured because it could not have turned out any other way. Allowing that to be the truth of the present moment is a much better view than thinking that "If only I had done it differently then it would have been better." Acceptance is allowing the moment to be as it is without your need to have it be different. There can be no peace without acceptance and no happiness with out peace. If you learn to accept every moment as it is, there can be no experience which knocks you from your state of peace. If you see every moment as being as equally unique and fleeting, as it is, then there is no reason not to smile a lot, even when you are stuck in a hot sticky waiting room with a lot of other stressed out humans.
If you accept every moment as it is from the bottom of your heart, then you will be experiencing what is called by buddhists as "equanimity." When you have the view of equanimity all experiences are equally interesting and worth being aware of if not for any other reason than simple curiousity.
So maybe the answer to the question: 'Is happiness a choice?' is clearer than we had originally supposed. It is a choice but not one that we can always easily make because of our beliefs and our habits and our conditioned view. The good news is those aspects of us can be changed and there are lots of ways to do it, but it takes time and patience and the courage to feel humbled when you see things and yourself clearly.
To see each moment as it is in its simplest form is to be free of the suffering which comes from blaming and the thought that is shouldn't be that way. To see the is-ness of every moment with clarity and simplicity, without needing it to be any different than it is, is to be free of suffering regardless of the situation or even the amount of pain you are experiencing.
