Happiness is a Choice

Happiness is a choice. 

Is it really?  Hmmm.  Lets think about this for a minute. That statement just doesn't seem to be true.  What about people caught up in a war that they had nothing to do with?  How could they be happy with bombs exploding all around them and their loves ones disappearing one by one? How could people who had had loads of bad luck, and find themselves homeless, in a city without sympathy, be happy?   How could happiness be a choice when clearly there is so much suffering beyond our control or doing? 

Maybe we should take a different perspective and explore those avenues of thought that come from that perspective for a few minutes.  What causes suffering?  Is it the person, place or situation that causes you to suffer? Is your suffering because of the slow, beaurocratic DMV which causes you to painfiully wait for an hour just to renew your license?  Did they cause your suffering?  How could you choose happiness when clearly you had no control over the situation which led to you having to spend an hour in extreme boredom, in a stress filled room?   Some might argue that you could have just not gone; but then what would you have told the police officer who stopped you and asked why your license was expired? 

So much of what happens to us in life is beyond our control.  Even the richest people on the planet have limitations.  All the kings and queens and totalitarian dictators of the past did not control everything and everyone.  Even they suffered because things just didn't always go the way they wanted them to.  Is this what the Buddha meant when he talked about universal suffering in the first Noble Truth?   I think it is. 

But what about the other three Noble truths?  What was said about happiness and suffering in them?  Basically, the Buddha said, in the second Noble Truth, that suffering has a cause. There are causes and conditions which play out every day. These causes and conditions can play out in ways that create situations in our life which cause us to suffer.  Sometimes it was the bad decisions we made that created those situations, and sometimes it all was seemingly random.  If we lie to our friend a lot, why are we surprised when he catches us in a lie by some random hapenstance?  Why are we surprised when he leave us in the dust for better friends?   

In a general sense, all things exist and flow in the direction they do, because of a lot of different causes and conditions which play themself out according to the laws of physics, chemistry and karma.   Saying that suffering has a cause, is essentially just stating the obvious. That's how the universe works.  It may see random when war breaks out, but is it really?  Wars are caused by humans trying to get more of something or to prevent the opposite from happening.  There were many causes and conditions which led to each and every war that ever happened on this planet or any other.  Being aware of the causes and conditions around you can help you avoid those situations which will likely cause you to suffer.  Moving to a neutral country before the war starts can only happen if you are aware of the causes and conditions which are in play.  There are no guarantees but it is possible to avoid many, (but not all) situations which would cause you to suffer.  The fact that there is suffering, and it has a cause leads us to the conclusion that there is a way to avoid suffering. This is the third Noble Truth; the fact that there are ways to avoid suffering or perhaps even to become free of any suffering.  

Using skillful means such as the Noble Eightfold Path to avoid suffering is all well and good, and will probably make you a much more helpful, polite and happy person, but not all situations which make us suffer can be avoided.  To be alive, it means you will die someday.  That's depressing, but wait!  Is it? Isn't death just a fact of life?  How could there be life at all without death?  Death is the end of a pattern which started when your parents had sex one night and will end when you draw your final breath.  That pattern you recognize as "me" was not a fixed pattern. It changed over time. Who you are today is likely very different than who you were when you were ten years old.   Life could not happen without constant change, and death is but one of those changes.  If a person accepted their death and found peace in that fact of life, then would they suffer on their death bed?  No, they wouldn't.  We all know people who died in peace. So, even in the face of the worst possible thing that can and will inevitably happen to a person, ( to face their own death, ) it is possible to be happy and at peace.  

This is essentially what the fourth Noble Truth says.  There is a path out of suffering.  There is a way to be happy and at peace no matter what the situation or circumstance.  The Buddha put forth some suggestions or behavioural guidelines, which if followed long enough, can change the circumstances and situations that you find yourself in and more importantly your view which causes you to suffer again and again long after the event happened.  For example: if you choose not to lie to friends, ever, then in the long run they will trust everything you say and will defend you with great loyalty and eventually you will trust others as they trust you.  If you choose not to steal, then eventually people will invite you into their homes and hearts and you will be trusted and liked much more than if you steal a little thing here of a little thing there. 
   
The noble eightfold path is a set of guidlines or self imposed rules which create good karma for you over time.  Look them up, there is a lot of commentary about them.  Some say that you must do these things or you will never be liberated from suffering, others say that they don't matter at all. You must decide for yourself. 

Great things awaited me once I started following these guidelines. Guidelines I've followed at first out of effort but then eventually out of habit.  I wasn't perfect but I have improved and my life is much better as a result.  For instance: I've gotten so many good friends by simply getting into the habit of seeing others as equals.  I've gotten so many free gifts from friends, once I was in the habit of being generous.  Breaking the guidelines says nothing about your basic goodness, it only indicates that its a habit that needs to be better established. 

However, that being said, its important to note that there are times when painful situations are inevitable.  We are going to die after all. In the end, we all lose everything and everyone we ever loved. This is the unavoidable truth which we all avoid so well.  How is it possible that some people can die in happiness and peace in the face of that tragedy which is happening to them?  The answer is, they accept the situation they are in fully.  In essense they give in to the situation in the same way you finally relax after waiting for a long time at the doctors office.  Its the same kind of acceptance that you finally have when the boredom you were suffering with while meditating dissolves into bliss. 

Acceptance is more than just giving in and declaring defeat. Its an end to your belief that the situation is what is causing the suffering instead of what is the true root of the suffering.   What is the true root of the suffering?  Your belief that the situation is not right and should be different than what it simply is.  Seeing the fly in your $6 latte may seem like suffering for you, but just think about the poor fly.   If you did, then you wouldn't be suffering anymore. You would be filled with compassion which is different than personal suffering.  The self and our constant viewpoint of what is good for the self and what is bad for the self, is really at the root of the suffering and disappointment you feel when you see a fly in your $6 latte.  "Why does this ALWAYS happen to me?" might be what you say inside your head in that situation.  "Why me?" 

Those words: "Why me?" are said because of the self centered viewpoint which you have grown into for many many years. That viewpoint is assuming that the present moment should have been different.   Non acceptance of the present moment is what causes most if not all of your suffering.  Learning to see, (even for brief moments) that it is your attachment to your "self" which causes you to see a situation as 'bad' or 'good' and causes you to resist the present moment.     It is your attachment to your "self" which causes you to suffer not the situation which didn't work as planned. 

To those who say that dropping a brick on your toe will always cause suffering,  it should be pointed out that pain is not always synonymous with suffering.  It often leads to it, but not neccessarily.  The dog who gets bit may cry out in pain, but later they probably won't be thinking: 'Why me?'   They will just move on to the next moment without really making too much out what happened to them at the dog park yesterday.  They accept that it happened and move on. 

If you find yourself in a situation where you are suffering, then look at the beliefs which are fueling your reaction and your thoughts and emotions to the situation. Is it really the situation which is causing the suffering, or is it those beliefs?  Is the world causing your suffering or are you?  If you blame yourself after reading this, then you are doubly suffering because you are thinking you could have been different or should have been.  You are thinking you should have been different even though changing yourself takes time, honesty and the courage to be humbled. Blaming yourself for not being perfect is rooted in a self view which requires that you be perfect to be good.  Is that assumption really true? Do you need to be perfect to be "good?"   

The next time you notice your self blaming and shaming,  remember that changing the self takes time and patience.  If you see how blaming and shaming are essentially just like any other form of suffering that is caused because of your beliefs, then I recommend that you rest in that seeing with out the need to change yourself. Change happens and its inevitable, but positive change happens only when there is a true knowing of who you are now.  

The future can be different with skillful means, dedication and confidence. Following the Noble Eightfold path will change your future in a positive way and will help condition your view to be less self centered which means you won't experience as many situations which currently make you suffer.   The future can be changed, however the present moment or all the past moments, can not be changed. This is because all the causes and conditions that contributed to the present being what it is, have played themselves out.  

Suffering because of something that is happening in the present or happened in the past is like living with a shadow that darkens your door often.  We choose this suffering because we choose to resist it. For example: Forgiving someone is giving in to the fact that what ever happened happened and acceptance of what they did is the only way to end the energy of the situation.  Knowing that they acted according to their programming, or upbringing, is helpful in moving toward forgiveness and acceptance.  Forgiveness is an end to suffering for everyone involved if its rooted in acceptance that the past was what it was, and that that person was who they were.    

Acceptance is the process of seeing that the universe could not have been different than how it turned out to be and each moment of the universe occured because it could not have turned out any other way.  Allowing that to be the truth of the present moment is a much better view than thinking that "If only I had done it differently then it would have been better."  Acceptance is allowing the moment to be as it is without your need to have it be different.  There can be no peace without acceptance and no happiness with out peace.   If you learn to accept every moment as it is, there can be no experience which knocks you from your state of peace.  If you see every moment as being as equally unique and fleeting, as it is, then there is no reason not to smile a lot, even when you are stuck in a hot sticky waiting room with a lot of other stressed out humans.  

If you accept every moment as it is from the bottom of your heart, then you will be experiencing what is called by buddhists as "equanimity."  When you have the view of equanimity all experiences are equally interesting and worth being aware of if not for any other reason than simple curiousity.
   
So maybe the answer to the question: 'Is happiness a choice?' is clearer than we had originally supposed. It is a choice but not one that we can always easily make because of our beliefs and our habits and our conditioned view.  The good news is those aspects of us can be changed and there are lots of ways to do it, but it takes time and patience and the courage to feel humbled when you see things and yourself clearly.   

To see each moment as it is in its simplest form is to be free of the suffering which comes from blaming and the thought that is shouldn't be that way.   To see the is-ness of every moment with clarity and simplicity, without  needing it to be any different than it is, is to be free of suffering regardless of the situation or even the amount of pain you are experiencing. 

Sympathetic Joy

Have you ever watched "Antiques Roadshow?"  Its a show where people go to  a public event with one of their treasures that they usually had handed down to them by their family.  They present these artifacts to experts who have specialized knowledge in that type of artifact. Like a painting or an old vase.  The expert usually gives a brief history of those kinds of artifacts or antiques and maybe the maker of that particular piece, then they give an estimate of how much the item would likely sell for at auction.  

I recently saw a short you tube clip of a woman getting information about a painting that her grandmother had given her. She originaly thought it was a print of an A.H. Farny painting from the late 1800's. When she realized it was a real painting, she took it to the antiques roadshow event and sat down with an art historian. The history of the artist and painting was fascinating but the really powerful part came right at the end when the historian said that the painting would probably be worth $200,000 to $300,000 at auction.  The woman who had inherited the painting started crying.  The emotions were intense and palpable. 

When I saw her joy and shock, I couldn't help but cry too.  I imagined that this woman had had many financial hardships in her life and probably felt financially trapped as so many of us do in our debt riddled economy.  Her release of emotions which she couldn't contain, was a release of all that anxiety and fear which I could tell had plaqued her for so many years. I too felt that rush of joy for her and the relief of fear she was feeling.  I felt that even though I wasn't going to benefit from the windfall of an auction, like she was, it didn't matter because she deserved that win just as much as anyone does. I felt as happy as I would have if the same thing had happened to a very good friend or a relative.   

I realized afterward that what I was experiencing is called "Sympatheic joy" by Buddhist masters.  It is one of the four doorways into Bodhichitta. 

Bodhichitta is roughly translated as open hearted love and the selfless connection of that love.  It is a transcendence of our self; which is one of the best and most powerfful forms of realization in our self oriented life.  

We all live most of our lives lost in the self. We see the world though the lense of the self, and we live our lives with the self as the primary focus of our motivations and efforts. This is just a part of what it means to be alive.  It is just an aspect of being human, but it is also the source of all suffering.  

Buddhists have discovered, however that there is a way to break out of the underlying programming or conditioning of the self view, and that is to cultivate bodhichitta.  They also found that there are four main doorways into the heart-mind of bodhichitta. Compassion, Loving kindness, Equanimity, and Sympatheic joy. These four doorways into the selfless mind of Bodhichitta are called the Four Immeasuables.  

Each of the Four Immeasurables has what are called a near enemy and a far enemy. I've talked about this in previous blog posts so I will only mention the near and far enemy of Sympatheic Joy. The near enemy of Sympathetic Joy is jealousy. If I had felt jealous of the woman who had the Farny painting I would not have been so moved by the experience.  I would have, instead, been hardened in thoughts of impoverishment and selfishness. In other words, I would have suffered more as a result of the self being hardened.  I'm thankful that that didn't happen.

The far enemy of Sympatheic Joy is apathy. If I had not really cared that she had discovered her financial salvation in an antique she had had for so many years without even nowing it, I would not have been moved by the experience. I would have seen it all with unastonished eyes. Living life with unastonished eyes, is seeing the world from a depressing, joyless viewpoint. It is the basis of depression in many people, and is a long slow form of suffering because it cuts us off from the joy of living. This is yet another way the self cuts us off from the joy and peace which is our birthright. 

Seeing others as equals and automatic friends, is a good way to overcome jealousy and apathy.  Feeling the joy of a win that someone else on your team has, is similar to feeling the joy that we have when a really good thing happens to us. This heart-mind view is something that all of us have experienced at times, and there is no reason why we can't experience it again, even though we are not the focal point of the good luck.   

Realizing that we are all so much similar to each other is a great way to open ourselves up to Sympatheic Joy and the selfless mind of Bodhichitta.  Why should we see others as equals? Well, simply put, they are.  Minor differences are just that: minor.  The real core of what it means to be alive and to be human, is the same for all of us. We all want to be happy and to be free of suffering. We all want to love and to be loved. We all fear the end in very similar ways.  This is what it means to be human and knowing that first and formost is a much clearer way of seeing life than thinking that we are better, or more deserving, or more important than others.  

This is why I recommend watching antiques roadshow and imagining that the person who experiences joy is just a good friend which you just haven't had the opportunity to meet yet. Feeling their joy as if it were yours is a great way to transcend some of the suffering of the self and to realize at least, in a little way, your connectedness to all life and the underlying love which is the glue of all life.        

Awareness is Enough

Awareness is Enough

As we get older, we all learn things about ourselves. We, in essence, get to know ourselves.  For example, we may get jealous easily. 'Why does she get to win?!' might be what we say in our heads when someone from the office wins a large sum of money on a scratch ticket. We may find fault in ourselves such as when we don't get the grade we had hoped for on that big test. Those are both examples of thought types we may have on a regular basis. There are many more. 

  You probably have observed this for yourself.  Each thought we have is like a little statement of "fact" and many times we believe in the validity or truth of each of these statements of "fact."  Sometimes we only superficially believe in them or we only hope they are true. When we say to ourselves: "I am really fantastic" we may not really believe it.  Whenever we have two opposite "facts" somewhere in our brains there is likely a storm going on, because its almost inconceivable that two opposite "facts" might both be true or both be false. In our brains there can be only one which is really true.  If we say to ourselfs "I am really fantasic", that "fact" has another "fact which is often the polar opposite like: 'I'm a piece of shit."  Since both of these facts can't be true, our brains either have to suppress and ignore one of them or a storm rages in our brain while it tries to determine which is true. Often on the surface we believe we one thing, while deep down, we believe the opposite.  Since both thoughts can not exist together. one is suppressed and ignored. Its like we separate the two things so that they can't be believed at the same time, or they can't be disbelieved at the same time.  It explains a lot when you think about it. Sometimes your thoughts might be depressing thoughts like when you believe the 'I'm a piece of shit' belief, or they are elated thoghts when we believe the 'I am fantasic' belief.   Have you noticed any of these thought patterns in yourself?  This is a good pattern to see if you want to see.   

It is possible to question all these "facts" which we are so quick to believe in.  When we notice our self say "I'm fantastic." we could immediately be suspicious of that "fact." We could say: 'How do I know this is so?' Questioning these statement's validity is it good way of dismantling them and transcend them. However, most of the time when these mental "facts" pop up, we don't notice. We get caught up in them and believe in them fully. Without a broader awareness of them as a thought that has happened we become those thoughts. We become the impoverished little being that no one loves. We become the victim of bad luck that marks our failed life.  Most of the time, when we think, we aren't aware of those thoughts, and so we assume we are those thoughts or in other words we assume that "Thats just he way it is." We believe in our beliefs fully and act out our lives according to the roles we create for ourselves. When we aren't aware of our thoughts, we live a dream like existence where we play out dramas and experience great suffering and aren't really fully aware of our life.  Instead of appreciating the beauty of a plastic bag rolling in the wind, we are thinking about that snide remark someone gave us at lunch.

The good news is, as a human being, we have the capacity to transcend those dramas and roles, because we have the ability to be aware of our thoughts. Can a dog escape their role as a dog? Probably not, because they probably don't have the capacity to be aware of their thoughts, but we as humans do. In fact, we have just done that right now. 

This awareness is our birthright, and not only does it mean we have the capacity to escape suffering, it also means we have the capacity to evolve into enlightened beings.  Most of us have already had moments when we became aware of our thoughts. Maybe we noticed right after yelling at our partner for not listening when we assumed they should. Maybe we noticed just how much we obsessed about what might go wrong in the future when we felt worried. We might fill up that moment of awareness with another thought (or statement of "fact") such as: "I can't believe I worry so much. What is wrong with me?"  But that second "fact" is just another thought. The really wonderful thing that happened was the awareness of the first thought. That awareness probably only lasted a fraction of a second before the second thought or "fact" zipped in, but the awareness did come in. We are capable of this kind of awareness and that is a really amazing aspect of what it means to be human. Realizing just how wonderful this kind of awareness is, can lead to more of this kind of awareness and can turn a negative thought into a positive realization. 

Awareness is like a muscle; the more we exercise it, the stronger it gets.  This is why meditation is so powerfully transformative, because its like taking our awareness to the gym. Noticing our thoughts and going back to the breath again and again after each thought you notice is a habit that grows the more you do it. 

As your awareness becomes stronger, it becomes a habit in every day life. You begin to notice when you get angry. You begin to notice when you self deprecate, or when you are full of yourself. You begin to notice so much about yourself when you strengthen your awareness. When you meditate every day, even for just five minutes, your awareness arises. You may get to the point where you are aware of what is going on in your mind and body and world all the time. This is what is often reffered to as being the witness.  As you notice your thougths more and more, you begin to observe yourself in new ways. You are becoming free of the you, you believed was you. 

Strengthening this kind of awareness is more important than brushing your teeth or eating lots of vegetables. Those things are important but not as important as transcending your harmful patterns and becoming free of your suffering. Awareness is the foundation of spiritual growth and because we can strengthen this muscle by meditating we have a precious opportunity to become liberated from suffering and to become truely helpful to the world. 

Besides meditating, there are other ways to strengthen your awareness.  Getting into the habit of being mindful of how your body feels and the sensations in your body, is another powerful way to cultivate your awareness. If you are hungry, be curious about what that feeling really feels like. Stop for 30 seconds and notice all the sensations in your body, especially when those feelings are strong. The noticing, is the awareness arising. 

If the noticing is done with playful curiousity, it will lead to more awareness in your future.  Curiousity is the joyful seeking of truth, and before we have any other kind of motivation we have curiousity. This is why curiousity is not part of the ego or the "me plan."; those came later in our developement. The next time you see little kids looking at a flower, know that the joy they are feeling comes from their innate curiousity. We never lose that, it only gets covered up. Awareness practices help to uncover that.  Curiousity is what you may be missing in your life. Its not really missing though,  just supressed.   

Another technique which is useful in strengthening that awareness is the habit of replaying what we said to people or to ourselves, while being curious as to why we said it. Remembering how we were gossiping about a co-worker might lead us to many realizations about ourself and our relationships with others. The important thing is not to beat ourself up for not being the perfect being we had hoped we were, but rather to just rest in that curiousity and to try to find and learn deeper patterns about ourselves just because its interesting.    The important thing to realize is that the awareness which sees the pattern is not a part of the pattern.  The awareness of the gossip is not a part of the ego which feels the need to gossip.  Simply knowing that you are more than just that gossipy person, is a source of peace which is underneath the gossip.  The gossip is like peanut butter on a china plate. The plate is not stained by it, and neither are you for having that pattern or habit.  The plate may be completely hidden by the peanut butter but it will always be clean underneath.   

When you notice some pattern in your thoughts which you don't like, remember you are the awareness which underlies the pattern and the very fact that you are aware of that thought or that pattern is something to rejoyce in because its a reminder that you are not the peanut butter, you are the china plate. If another judgeing thought or "fact" pops up after noticing the first thought, its really great to realize that that second conclusion is just another thought; just another smear of peanut butter. Its not a permanent problem, only a temporary one.  The fact that you are aware of the thought means you already are transcending it to some extent. 

I remember when I first become aware that I often scolded myself for thinking while meditating. I realized that the scolding thoughts were just more thoughts. I also realized that thoughts were like clouds in the sky.  Thoughts were just as temporary and ephemeral as clouds and so really weren't a problem. The awareness of thougths undermines and dissolves them when the awareness is more interesting than the thoughts.  The mind will naturally gravitate to awareness rather than the thoughts when the thoughts are seen this way and eventually those thoughts will not come as quickly or as often. Simple awareness bathed in the joy of curiousity without personal agenda is the key to escaping the jail of your thoughts. 

I also realized that willing myself into non-distraction, just wasn't working for me. If anything it seemed to make me think more and be aware less.  Later I realized that the force of will is the force of the ego, and the ego is the source for almost all thoughts.  By trying to strengthen my will power I was actually strengthening my ego and creating more thoughts. This is why asceticism often feeds pride and arrogance. This is why allowing curiousity to come into your awareness again is important because curiousity came before the ego and is not a part of it.    Ride the wave of curiousity for no other reason than because its fun.  When your curiousity based awareness is fun, then it will arise more and more.  If the awareness is based in the "me plan" then its probably not much fun.  At least it wasn't for me.    I don't think my awareness really grew all that much when I thought I needed to become someone different like a better meditator, or practicioner. But when I was looking at myself out of just curiousity alone, my awareness grew and the mind settled into a more peaceful state all on its own.   

Thoughts are like clouds, they come and go, arise and fall, form and dissolve. A cloud can appear to be a pirate ship, for instance, but we know that it really isn't, and if we look at it long enough, it will surely melt and morf into something else and eventiually, it will dissolve. The awareness of the cloud does not dissolve, however. It is there, all the time. It never dissolves or morfs, it just is aware. This is why reincarnation is possible, because even though the body may die and dissolve, the awareness contained by the body does not. At least this is what I've heard. 

Awareness is like a canvass which can be the foundation of all paintings which are created upon it. Thoughts or ego would not be possible without awareness, yet somehow, most of us really haven't become aware of it.  Yes, awareness can even be aware of itself. Isn't that what we are doing right now? 

The next time you are aware that you have been thinking on the cusion, remember that its the awareness which allowed you to know that you were thinking. The thought wasn't really important, but the awareness arising was. You can rejoice in that instead of feeling like you failed in your quest for peace and enlightnement. So when you notice your thoughts, rejoice in the joy of that. That is a moment of enlightenment which is your birthright. The more joy you feel, the more you will be aware of in the future until, your allegence to the present moment exceeds your allegance to your thoughts. This habit of noticing the awareness and feeling the joy of that arising is a very good habit indeed. It is a huge step in your spiritual growth and the spiritual growth of the planet as a whole. 

Some people might assume that thoughtless awareness is a dull kind of stupidity but I can assure you, its not.  It is the source of all wisdom, understanding and all creation. The wisdom and creative energy of the Universe can only flow through us when our ego gets out of the way.  The practice of prajna paramita is the practice of tuning into that quiet, all pervasive wisdom-awareness; which leads to the dissolution of ignorance and a very clear seeing of what is.  When you know this in your heart, you can not help but smile. 

Noticing your thougths without judgement is noticing them in a state of peace. Just seeing is enough. There is no effort in the seeing. Effort only gets in the way. Any effort to get rid of effort is in the end, just another mind made agenda and will not work. So give that up. Allow your thoughts to come and go but get into the habit of being aware of them out of simple curiousity, and no more.  Resting in the joy of simply seeing is all thats needed and since you already have that awareness underneath everything else, you don't need to acquire it, only uncover it. 

In the Prajna Paramita sutra, which is probably the most profound teaching the Buddha ever gave, is a teaching on emptiness.  There is a line that says, 'There is no attainment and there is no non-attainment.'  This is the one fact you can rejoice in. You already have what you need to transcend the suffering and drama of this life and all the other possible ones too.           

Awareness is the thing to cultivate. Not virtue, not discipline, not magical powers of concentration. All those attributes will likely come right out of the peace which awaits you, like flowers sprouting out of the soil in the spring. Focus on the soil of your pracitce, and that is your awareness.