Place and Purpose as Identity

 

Place and Purpose as Identity 

Have you ever felt like you had a place to call home? It might be bigger than just your house or apartment. A home town for instance is a place one might think of as home. Maybe the people there have known you for a long time, and they accept and respect you. They may even have given you a nick name.  When you go there do you feel somehow more at peace?  Do you feel like you have gone "home"?  Its an indescribable feeling to go home where you feel safe, and know you have a place.  

In the past people used to add their hometown name after their first name. "Jesus of Nazareth."  They felt so much a part of that group of humans that they even made the place name a part of their own name.  When they were in their hometown, all they needed was a first name because everyone there was on a first name basis.   The feeling of going home or being home is a primordial feeling.  It goes down deep.  Schools all over the world seek to create that kind of bond where the students identify themselves with the group and the place.  "Go Redhawks!" or "Go Wolverines!" the students shout at their pep rallies.  They feel bonded to the group and this is what most humans long for. To be bonded to a group. To identify with a group, to have a place in that group, and to feel safe in that group, is something that most naturally want and need.   We need this as much as we needed our mother and father's love when we are an infant.  

In the past, people had a hometown and in that hometown they had an occupation.  They might have been a blacksmith, or a carpenter or a baker.  "John Carpenter" was a name many have identified with.  People used their occupation and skillset as a name just as people in other cultures used their hometown as a name.   The name is the key to understanding it all.  

Why do we need a name?  I'm not trying to say names are bad and we need to give them up, I'm simply curious.  Why do we need a name? One answer might be: so we can all be identified and communicated with.  This is true, but is it the whole truth? Our names have a deeper meaning for us than that. We identify with our name.  When we introduce ourself we usually say "I am" or "I'm" in front of our name.  Our sense of self is wrapped up in our name and our families name and in our connection to our family.  So much is contained in a name. We can feel pride or shame when we contemplate our family name and our place in that family.  We can feel longing or revulsion when we think of our family name. We feel so much, because it is who we are.  Or is it? 

Who are you? Would you be anybody at all if you didn't have a name, a place or a purpose?  If so, then how can we say with certainty that we are this or we are that?  If you are still an entity without a name, a place or a purpose then how could you get to know yourself?  What would or could you know about yourself?  The answer is that you not only could know yourself you would know yourself much better.   Everyone is so much more than their name, place or purpose.  

It must feel very confusing for someone to wake up and not remember their name, place, history, or profession.  It must be scary and disorienting and not a desirable situation at all, yet this does happen sometimes to some people.    In a way, such an experience is an opening to a kind of knowing which transcends words and labels.  If one can just experience that "not knowing" without panic, then one can begin to feel the their deeper "self". Its not a separate self at all, its a self that is a part of all.  Identities give us a sense of self which defines us and although there is nothing wrong with that, to be without identity means you are undefined.  You are undefined in your own eyes and self awareness is without words or judgements.  Why is seeing yourself without labels or words an opportunity?  Because only from a place of not knowing, can we know.  If you can feel your inner being without having or really believing in the defining things like name, place or purpose, then you will be able to know your true nature in a much more complete way.  Once you can feel your own true nature which is inherently undefined, then you can also feel that nature in others.  

All living beings have a field of life energy around them which is not separate from their basic awareness.  When you can become aware of this basic energy in other's and yourself, you will know that there is no way not to love them as much as you love yourself, or perhaps love them more.  Meeting a puppy or kitten can be a deep emotional experience because you can't help but lower your guards and feel a deep love for that small creature with those big innocent eyes.  Seeing without defining is the key to developing compassion for others.  Judging others, is a very defining thing to do and that act of defining is what separates us from them.  However, underneath the judgement there is a being with just as much Buddha nature as you have or any other living being including all the buddhas of the past present and future.  

Once you can see the buddha nature in others then you can learn to see it in yourself.  Having compassion for oneself and learning to have unconditional love for yourself is the key to escaping the prison cell of our own self loathing.  It is the key to freedom or what many have called liberation.  Having compassion for yourself starts with having compassion for others, and that starts by seeing them without labels and words.  Rest in uncertanty whenever you can and you will be able to see others in their true glory, and you will eventually be able to see your own true glory.  

If you are a buddha already then why can't you see that? Its because you believe otherwise, and those beliefs are labels which separate you from that knowing.  Without labels, without beliefs, resting in the nature of unborn awareness, one can not, not see the true beauty of all living beings including your own "self." 

Equanimity

When we can connect with others, even for an instant, a little bit of magic happens. Feeling respected, and fully acknowledged by another is a wonderful feeling.  A moment of mutual respect and care is an amazing thing to happen to two people. When that moment turns into weeks and months and years, that person is close to you and you are close to them. 

This sounds so simple but the words just can't really capture the transformative magnitude of that connection.  That kind of connection can not happen when one or both people do not feel equal to the other.  Its very hard for rich people to become friends with poor people, because its extremely rare to have a rich person who doesn't identify with their wealth and its extremely rare to find a poor person who doesn't identify with their poverty.  The poor person may feel inferior to the rich person who may feel they are superior to the poor person.  Because there is no equanimity there can be no connection. So many beautiful friendships and so much love has been prevented from happening because people have a tendency to put themselves either higher or lower than the people they meet. 

Many people look down when they are talking to authority figures because they don't feel worthy enough to be that authority's equal.  If you met a famous movie star or the president of France, would you look them in the eye?  The next time you get a chance to try it, notice how looking the person of authority in the eye, as your equal, makes you feel. Do you feel uncomfortable?  Do you feel afraid?  Do you feel uncertain of what to say?  These feelings indicate that you have beliefs which prevent you from connecting as equals to many other people.  Equanimity practice can help break down those habits and open the possibility of liberation from those beliefs. 

I've noticed that the ego usually doesn't like to connect with others on an equal footing. It prefers to be "sure" that we are in "our place."  What place is that? Well, thats a great question to ask.  What place in the human network do you see yourself?  Are you as important as the president of a country or a famous movie star?  If not, then why?  What criteria are you using to come to that conclusion?  

You are unique in the universe. There is no other being just like you. Even if you have an identical twin, you are unique and so are they.  So, if everyone is unique then how can we say that one human is worth more, or is better, or is worthy of other's love, and another is not?  How can we think of ourselves as being unworthy of love and respect when we are as unique as a snowflake.  (please note: I'm not calling anyone a "snowflake" by the way.) 

Questioning the truth of your beliefs about yourself and your place in the world, is a very powerful practice.  One thing to contemplate which helps counter these limiting self beliefs, is the notion that when we were infants, we were probably loved unconditionally by our parents despite keeping them up all night and despite pooping our pants several times a day. Our beauty as beings was there then, as it is always there now and we are just as "worthy" of unconditional love as  we were when we were small. When you can connect with another person as their equal, you are much closer to realizing that they and you are worthy of that respect and equanimity at all times.  Just by being you, you are worthy. You don't have to have a lot of accomplishments, or skills, or even a horde of adoring fans in order to be worthy of respect.  We are worthy of other people's respect and more importantly, we are worthy of our own respect, just because we are a miracle.

 We exist here now because of a whole lot of unlikely events spanning back billions of years. There is no other being exactly like us.  We are a miracle. We all are. Once you see the fact that everyone is a miracle, its hard to unsee.  To say that one unique, one of a kind being, is worthy of love and another is not, is ludicrous.  How can that be true?  

If we think that we are better or smarter or taller or stronger or any other word that ends in "er" then we are fooling ourselves.  One squirrel may collect more nuts than another, but that doesn't mean that both those squirrels are not equally unique and beautiful.  Assessing our "self worth" in terms of how much wealth or power we have is just as ridiculous as saying that the squirrel who collects the most nuts is the only squirrel who deserves our respect. All the squirrels are individuals worthy of the same respect as any other.  We are all worthy of the respect of others simply because we are alive.  Realizing this, is the key to living in connection to life and it is the key to living in peace with yourself.   

Realizing that we and others are worthy of love and respect simply because we are alive, is a very big shift.  Our ego's do not want this to happen.  This is why questioning our beliefs about ourself and our judgements of others, is a practice that can take years to master. When you do,  you won't be imprisoned by those negative beliefs you have about yourself and others anymore because you won't believe those beliefs.  

You will know how much equanimity has become your habit, when you can talk to children with the same respect as you would an adult.  Children want respect in just the same way adults do. Maybe we look down on children because we assume they are not as knowledgable about the world as an adult, or are smaller, or maybe because we find that they are usually less articulate than an adult.  There is no doubt that there are many differences between a child and an adult. Are these differences justification for the superior/inferior dynamic we assume exists when it comes to interacting with young people?  Didn't you want to be respected when you were a child? I know I sure did. By giving the same respect you wanted when you were a child, to a child today,  you can heal a little yourself.  That is a positive change for them and you.     

Many times when I tried to get someone else to connect as equals, they could not because they appeared to have made a judgement about me.  A judgement is a belief without much evidence which seeks to encapsulate our entire being into a simple word or sentence.  Like, "I don't like you because you are a man."  Or... "Weirdo!" It all seems so funny when I write this, but so many times in the past it was extremely painful to experience another person's rejection.  I can't help but laugh at the absurd notion that one person could understand another with a single word. Why would we ever even consider such a judgement a "truth" about us?   We only could do that if we already believed those things about ourselves but maybe we had hidden it from ourselves long enough that we forgot we believed it. 

If other people judge us harshly do we have to accept their conclusions? Do we have to get upset with them? If we knew in our heart of hearts that we were worthy of love no matter what others think of us, then their judgements of us wouldn't be important at all.  Our feelings of insecurity are based in a deep seated belief that we are not good enough or that we are not worthy of other's respect and love.  We hope and long for respect and love because on one level, we don't want to be unworthy; yet we fear we are.  We want to be loved like our parents loved us.  We want to be accepted for who we are, not for being perfect, (which is never possible anyway. )  We want to feel at peace with ourselves.  This is only possible when we forgive ourselves for not being perfect and we accept the fact that we don't need to be. 

By just being alive we are worthy of all the love in the universe. We are a unique miracle and it will help us immensely when we can realize this deeply.  Eleanor Roosevlet once said: "No one can make you feel bad about yourself without your consent."  This has aways rung true to me on a very deep level, yet, my habit was to assume that what others said or thought about me was a truth better than a truth I could know for myself. This wisdom of Eleanors can be taken even farther. No one can make you feel bad about yourself if you don't really believe what they are saying is true.  If you realized just how much of a miracle you were, you could not believe that their judgements against you could be true in an absolute sense. Maybe in a relative sense its true or partially true, but the relative is totally changeable, and so it can't really be true about the you you know is true.  It can't be true in an absolute way.  The relative truth will never change the fact that you are an unique individual with a heart and mind like no other. You are unique, and a miracle. This is an indisputable fact of life.  When you know this in your heart, you will have true peace.  

The practice of equanimity is very simple and can be done almost anytime you are interacting with others.  The next time you have an opportunity and you feel brave enough to try this: first look at the person with appreciation of their uniqueness. Notice when you are judging them and if so, ask yourself how you can really know anything about them other than the clear fact that they are, in an absolute sense, a miracle.   Look them in the eyes when you interact and try to assume they are already your friend.  If you are lucky, they will be, even if only for a minute. It feels pretty good to connect with someone else and it also reinforces the belief that you are worthy of other people's respect and friendship.  When you have a moment of equanimity with a stranger, it brightens your day and puts a smile on your face. It brightens their day too, so its a win win. The great thing about equanimity practice is that it is a self rewarding practice. Because the reward is built right in, it can become habit without too much effort.  

When your equanimity practice becomes a habit, then your whole outlook on life will likely have changed.  Your own self imposed limitations and stumbling blocks will not have a grip on you because you will know in your heart of hearts that you ARE worthy of the love and respect of anyone and everyone, and most importantly yourself.  When you learn to respect and possibly love others you will learn how to respect and possibly love yourself.  

When you fully accept yourself for the miracle that they are, you will be able to accept and respect yourself.  Your capacity to accept and respect others will increase and their capacity to accept and respect you will increase.  When you can learn to be at peace with yourself, you can learn to be at peace with others, and they will feel more at peace with you.  When you can learn to truely love yourself with out false aggrandizement, then you can love others as equals.    

Happiness is a Choice

Happiness is a choice. 

Is it really?  Hmmm.  Lets think about this for a minute. That statement just doesn't seem to be true.  What about people caught up in a war that they had nothing to do with?  How could they be happy with bombs exploding all around them and their loves ones disappearing one by one? How could people who had had loads of bad luck, and find themselves homeless, in a city without sympathy, be happy?   How could happiness be a choice when clearly there is so much suffering beyond our control or doing? 

Maybe we should take a different perspective and explore those avenues of thought that come from that perspective for a few minutes.  What causes suffering?  Is it the person, place or situation that causes you to suffer? Is your suffering because of the slow, beaurocratic DMV which causes you to painfiully wait for an hour just to renew your license?  Did they cause your suffering?  How could you choose happiness when clearly you had no control over the situation which led to you having to spend an hour in extreme boredom, in a stress filled room?   Some might argue that you could have just not gone; but then what would you have told the police officer who stopped you and asked why your license was expired? 

So much of what happens to us in life is beyond our control.  Even the richest people on the planet have limitations.  All the kings and queens and totalitarian dictators of the past did not control everything and everyone.  Even they suffered because things just didn't always go the way they wanted them to.  Is this what the Buddha meant when he talked about universal suffering in the first Noble Truth?   I think it is. 

But what about the other three Noble truths?  What was said about happiness and suffering in them?  Basically, the Buddha said, in the second Noble Truth, that suffering has a cause. There are causes and conditions which play out every day. These causes and conditions can play out in ways that create situations in our life which cause us to suffer.  Sometimes it was the bad decisions we made that created those situations, and sometimes it all was seemingly random.  If we lie to our friend a lot, why are we surprised when he catches us in a lie by some random hapenstance?  Why are we surprised when he leave us in the dust for better friends?   

In a general sense, all things exist and flow in the direction they do, because of a lot of different causes and conditions which play themself out according to the laws of physics, chemistry and karma.   Saying that suffering has a cause, is essentially just stating the obvious. That's how the universe works.  It may see random when war breaks out, but is it really?  Wars are caused by humans trying to get more of something or to prevent the opposite from happening.  There were many causes and conditions which led to each and every war that ever happened on this planet or any other.  Being aware of the causes and conditions around you can help you avoid those situations which will likely cause you to suffer.  Moving to a neutral country before the war starts can only happen if you are aware of the causes and conditions which are in play.  There are no guarantees but it is possible to avoid many, (but not all) situations which would cause you to suffer.  The fact that there is suffering, and it has a cause leads us to the conclusion that there is a way to avoid suffering. This is the third Noble Truth; the fact that there are ways to avoid suffering or perhaps even to become free of any suffering.  

Using skillful means such as the Noble Eightfold Path to avoid suffering is all well and good, and will probably make you a much more helpful, polite and happy person, but not all situations which make us suffer can be avoided.  To be alive, it means you will die someday.  That's depressing, but wait!  Is it? Isn't death just a fact of life?  How could there be life at all without death?  Death is the end of a pattern which started when your parents had sex one night and will end when you draw your final breath.  That pattern you recognize as "me" was not a fixed pattern. It changed over time. Who you are today is likely very different than who you were when you were ten years old.   Life could not happen without constant change, and death is but one of those changes.  If a person accepted their death and found peace in that fact of life, then would they suffer on their death bed?  No, they wouldn't.  We all know people who died in peace. So, even in the face of the worst possible thing that can and will inevitably happen to a person, ( to face their own death, ) it is possible to be happy and at peace.  

This is essentially what the fourth Noble Truth says.  There is a path out of suffering.  There is a way to be happy and at peace no matter what the situation or circumstance.  The Buddha put forth some suggestions or behavioural guidelines, which if followed long enough, can change the circumstances and situations that you find yourself in and more importantly your view which causes you to suffer again and again long after the event happened.  For example: if you choose not to lie to friends, ever, then in the long run they will trust everything you say and will defend you with great loyalty and eventually you will trust others as they trust you.  If you choose not to steal, then eventually people will invite you into their homes and hearts and you will be trusted and liked much more than if you steal a little thing here of a little thing there. 
   
The noble eightfold path is a set of guidlines or self imposed rules which create good karma for you over time.  Look them up, there is a lot of commentary about them.  Some say that you must do these things or you will never be liberated from suffering, others say that they don't matter at all. You must decide for yourself. 

Great things awaited me once I started following these guidelines. Guidelines I've followed at first out of effort but then eventually out of habit.  I wasn't perfect but I have improved and my life is much better as a result.  For instance: I've gotten so many good friends by simply getting into the habit of seeing others as equals.  I've gotten so many free gifts from friends, once I was in the habit of being generous.  Breaking the guidelines says nothing about your basic goodness, it only indicates that its a habit that needs to be better established. 

However, that being said, its important to note that there are times when painful situations are inevitable.  We are going to die after all. In the end, we all lose everything and everyone we ever loved. This is the unavoidable truth which we all avoid so well.  How is it possible that some people can die in happiness and peace in the face of that tragedy which is happening to them?  The answer is, they accept the situation they are in fully.  In essense they give in to the situation in the same way you finally relax after waiting for a long time at the doctors office.  Its the same kind of acceptance that you finally have when the boredom you were suffering with while meditating dissolves into bliss. 

Acceptance is more than just giving in and declaring defeat. Its an end to your belief that the situation is what is causing the suffering instead of what is the true root of the suffering.   What is the true root of the suffering?  Your belief that the situation is not right and should be different than what it simply is.  Seeing the fly in your $6 latte may seem like suffering for you, but just think about the poor fly.   If you did, then you wouldn't be suffering anymore. You would be filled with compassion which is different than personal suffering.  The self and our constant viewpoint of what is good for the self and what is bad for the self, is really at the root of the suffering and disappointment you feel when you see a fly in your $6 latte.  "Why does this ALWAYS happen to me?" might be what you say inside your head in that situation.  "Why me?" 

Those words: "Why me?" are said because of the self centered viewpoint which you have grown into for many many years. That viewpoint is assuming that the present moment should have been different.   Non acceptance of the present moment is what causes most if not all of your suffering.  Learning to see, (even for brief moments) that it is your attachment to your "self" which causes you to see a situation as 'bad' or 'good' and causes you to resist the present moment.     It is your attachment to your "self" which causes you to suffer not the situation which didn't work as planned. 

To those who say that dropping a brick on your toe will always cause suffering,  it should be pointed out that pain is not always synonymous with suffering.  It often leads to it, but not neccessarily.  The dog who gets bit may cry out in pain, but later they probably won't be thinking: 'Why me?'   They will just move on to the next moment without really making too much out what happened to them at the dog park yesterday.  They accept that it happened and move on. 

If you find yourself in a situation where you are suffering, then look at the beliefs which are fueling your reaction and your thoughts and emotions to the situation. Is it really the situation which is causing the suffering, or is it those beliefs?  Is the world causing your suffering or are you?  If you blame yourself after reading this, then you are doubly suffering because you are thinking you could have been different or should have been.  You are thinking you should have been different even though changing yourself takes time, honesty and the courage to be humbled. Blaming yourself for not being perfect is rooted in a self view which requires that you be perfect to be good.  Is that assumption really true? Do you need to be perfect to be "good?"   

The next time you notice your self blaming and shaming,  remember that changing the self takes time and patience.  If you see how blaming and shaming are essentially just like any other form of suffering that is caused because of your beliefs, then I recommend that you rest in that seeing with out the need to change yourself. Change happens and its inevitable, but positive change happens only when there is a true knowing of who you are now.  

The future can be different with skillful means, dedication and confidence. Following the Noble Eightfold path will change your future in a positive way and will help condition your view to be less self centered which means you won't experience as many situations which currently make you suffer.   The future can be changed, however the present moment or all the past moments, can not be changed. This is because all the causes and conditions that contributed to the present being what it is, have played themselves out.  

Suffering because of something that is happening in the present or happened in the past is like living with a shadow that darkens your door often.  We choose this suffering because we choose to resist it. For example: Forgiving someone is giving in to the fact that what ever happened happened and acceptance of what they did is the only way to end the energy of the situation.  Knowing that they acted according to their programming, or upbringing, is helpful in moving toward forgiveness and acceptance.  Forgiveness is an end to suffering for everyone involved if its rooted in acceptance that the past was what it was, and that that person was who they were.    

Acceptance is the process of seeing that the universe could not have been different than how it turned out to be and each moment of the universe occured because it could not have turned out any other way.  Allowing that to be the truth of the present moment is a much better view than thinking that "If only I had done it differently then it would have been better."  Acceptance is allowing the moment to be as it is without your need to have it be different.  There can be no peace without acceptance and no happiness with out peace.   If you learn to accept every moment as it is, there can be no experience which knocks you from your state of peace.  If you see every moment as being as equally unique and fleeting, as it is, then there is no reason not to smile a lot, even when you are stuck in a hot sticky waiting room with a lot of other stressed out humans.  

If you accept every moment as it is from the bottom of your heart, then you will be experiencing what is called by buddhists as "equanimity."  When you have the view of equanimity all experiences are equally interesting and worth being aware of if not for any other reason than simple curiousity.
   
So maybe the answer to the question: 'Is happiness a choice?' is clearer than we had originally supposed. It is a choice but not one that we can always easily make because of our beliefs and our habits and our conditioned view.  The good news is those aspects of us can be changed and there are lots of ways to do it, but it takes time and patience and the courage to feel humbled when you see things and yourself clearly.   

To see each moment as it is in its simplest form is to be free of the suffering which comes from blaming and the thought that is shouldn't be that way.   To see the is-ness of every moment with clarity and simplicity, without  needing it to be any different than it is, is to be free of suffering regardless of the situation or even the amount of pain you are experiencing. 

Sympathetic Joy

Have you ever watched "Antiques Roadshow?"  Its a show where people go to  a public event with one of their treasures that they usually had handed down to them by their family.  They present these artifacts to experts who have specialized knowledge in that type of artifact. Like a painting or an old vase.  The expert usually gives a brief history of those kinds of artifacts or antiques and maybe the maker of that particular piece, then they give an estimate of how much the item would likely sell for at auction.  

I recently saw a short you tube clip of a woman getting information about a painting that her grandmother had given her. She originaly thought it was a print of an A.H. Farny painting from the late 1800's. When she realized it was a real painting, she took it to the antiques roadshow event and sat down with an art historian. The history of the artist and painting was fascinating but the really powerful part came right at the end when the historian said that the painting would probably be worth $200,000 to $300,000 at auction.  The woman who had inherited the painting started crying.  The emotions were intense and palpable. 

When I saw her joy and shock, I couldn't help but cry too.  I imagined that this woman had had many financial hardships in her life and probably felt financially trapped as so many of us do in our debt riddled economy.  Her release of emotions which she couldn't contain, was a release of all that anxiety and fear which I could tell had plaqued her for so many years. I too felt that rush of joy for her and the relief of fear she was feeling.  I felt that even though I wasn't going to benefit from the windfall of an auction, like she was, it didn't matter because she deserved that win just as much as anyone does. I felt as happy as I would have if the same thing had happened to a very good friend or a relative.   

I realized afterward that what I was experiencing is called "Sympatheic joy" by Buddhist masters.  It is one of the four doorways into Bodhichitta. 

Bodhichitta is roughly translated as open hearted love and the selfless connection of that love.  It is a transcendence of our self; which is one of the best and most powerfful forms of realization in our self oriented life.  

We all live most of our lives lost in the self. We see the world though the lense of the self, and we live our lives with the self as the primary focus of our motivations and efforts. This is just a part of what it means to be alive.  It is just an aspect of being human, but it is also the source of all suffering.  

Buddhists have discovered, however that there is a way to break out of the underlying programming or conditioning of the self view, and that is to cultivate bodhichitta.  They also found that there are four main doorways into the heart-mind of bodhichitta. Compassion, Loving kindness, Equanimity, and Sympatheic joy. These four doorways into the selfless mind of Bodhichitta are called the Four Immeasuables.  

Each of the Four Immeasurables has what are called a near enemy and a far enemy. I've talked about this in previous blog posts so I will only mention the near and far enemy of Sympatheic Joy. The near enemy of Sympathetic Joy is jealousy. If I had felt jealous of the woman who had the Farny painting I would not have been so moved by the experience.  I would have, instead, been hardened in thoughts of impoverishment and selfishness. In other words, I would have suffered more as a result of the self being hardened.  I'm thankful that that didn't happen.

The far enemy of Sympatheic Joy is apathy. If I had not really cared that she had discovered her financial salvation in an antique she had had for so many years without even nowing it, I would not have been moved by the experience. I would have seen it all with unastonished eyes. Living life with unastonished eyes, is seeing the world from a depressing, joyless viewpoint. It is the basis of depression in many people, and is a long slow form of suffering because it cuts us off from the joy of living. This is yet another way the self cuts us off from the joy and peace which is our birthright. 

Seeing others as equals and automatic friends, is a good way to overcome jealousy and apathy.  Feeling the joy of a win that someone else on your team has, is similar to feeling the joy that we have when a really good thing happens to us. This heart-mind view is something that all of us have experienced at times, and there is no reason why we can't experience it again, even though we are not the focal point of the good luck.   

Realizing that we are all so much similar to each other is a great way to open ourselves up to Sympatheic Joy and the selfless mind of Bodhichitta.  Why should we see others as equals? Well, simply put, they are.  Minor differences are just that: minor.  The real core of what it means to be alive and to be human, is the same for all of us. We all want to be happy and to be free of suffering. We all want to love and to be loved. We all fear the end in very similar ways.  This is what it means to be human and knowing that first and formost is a much clearer way of seeing life than thinking that we are better, or more deserving, or more important than others.  

This is why I recommend watching antiques roadshow and imagining that the person who experiences joy is just a good friend which you just haven't had the opportunity to meet yet. Feeling their joy as if it were yours is a great way to transcend some of the suffering of the self and to realize at least, in a little way, your connectedness to all life and the underlying love which is the glue of all life.        

Awareness is Enough

Awareness is Enough

As we get older, we all learn things about ourselves. We, in essence, get to know ourselves.  For example, we may get jealous easily. 'Why does she get to win?!' might be what we say in our heads when someone from the office wins a large sum of money on a scratch ticket. We may find fault in ourselves such as when we don't get the grade we had hoped for on that big test. Those are both examples of thought types we may have on a regular basis. There are many more. 

  You probably have observed this for yourself.  Each thought we have is like a little statement of "fact" and many times we believe in the validity or truth of each of these statements of "fact."  Sometimes we only superficially believe in them or we only hope they are true. When we say to ourselves: "I am really fantastic" we may not really believe it.  Whenever we have two opposite "facts" somewhere in our brains there is likely a storm going on, because its almost inconceivable that two opposite "facts" might both be true or both be false. In our brains there can be only one which is really true.  If we say to ourselfs "I am really fantasic", that "fact" has another "fact which is often the polar opposite like: 'I'm a piece of shit."  Since both of these facts can't be true, our brains either have to suppress and ignore one of them or a storm rages in our brain while it tries to determine which is true. Often on the surface we believe we one thing, while deep down, we believe the opposite.  Since both thoughts can not exist together. one is suppressed and ignored. Its like we separate the two things so that they can't be believed at the same time, or they can't be disbelieved at the same time.  It explains a lot when you think about it. Sometimes your thoughts might be depressing thoughts like when you believe the 'I'm a piece of shit' belief, or they are elated thoghts when we believe the 'I am fantasic' belief.   Have you noticed any of these thought patterns in yourself?  This is a good pattern to see if you want to see.   

It is possible to question all these "facts" which we are so quick to believe in.  When we notice our self say "I'm fantastic." we could immediately be suspicious of that "fact." We could say: 'How do I know this is so?' Questioning these statement's validity is it good way of dismantling them and transcend them. However, most of the time when these mental "facts" pop up, we don't notice. We get caught up in them and believe in them fully. Without a broader awareness of them as a thought that has happened we become those thoughts. We become the impoverished little being that no one loves. We become the victim of bad luck that marks our failed life.  Most of the time, when we think, we aren't aware of those thoughts, and so we assume we are those thoughts or in other words we assume that "Thats just he way it is." We believe in our beliefs fully and act out our lives according to the roles we create for ourselves. When we aren't aware of our thoughts, we live a dream like existence where we play out dramas and experience great suffering and aren't really fully aware of our life.  Instead of appreciating the beauty of a plastic bag rolling in the wind, we are thinking about that snide remark someone gave us at lunch.

The good news is, as a human being, we have the capacity to transcend those dramas and roles, because we have the ability to be aware of our thoughts. Can a dog escape their role as a dog? Probably not, because they probably don't have the capacity to be aware of their thoughts, but we as humans do. In fact, we have just done that right now. 

This awareness is our birthright, and not only does it mean we have the capacity to escape suffering, it also means we have the capacity to evolve into enlightened beings.  Most of us have already had moments when we became aware of our thoughts. Maybe we noticed right after yelling at our partner for not listening when we assumed they should. Maybe we noticed just how much we obsessed about what might go wrong in the future when we felt worried. We might fill up that moment of awareness with another thought (or statement of "fact") such as: "I can't believe I worry so much. What is wrong with me?"  But that second "fact" is just another thought. The really wonderful thing that happened was the awareness of the first thought. That awareness probably only lasted a fraction of a second before the second thought or "fact" zipped in, but the awareness did come in. We are capable of this kind of awareness and that is a really amazing aspect of what it means to be human. Realizing just how wonderful this kind of awareness is, can lead to more of this kind of awareness and can turn a negative thought into a positive realization. 

Awareness is like a muscle; the more we exercise it, the stronger it gets.  This is why meditation is so powerfully transformative, because its like taking our awareness to the gym. Noticing our thoughts and going back to the breath again and again after each thought you notice is a habit that grows the more you do it. 

As your awareness becomes stronger, it becomes a habit in every day life. You begin to notice when you get angry. You begin to notice when you self deprecate, or when you are full of yourself. You begin to notice so much about yourself when you strengthen your awareness. When you meditate every day, even for just five minutes, your awareness arises. You may get to the point where you are aware of what is going on in your mind and body and world all the time. This is what is often reffered to as being the witness.  As you notice your thougths more and more, you begin to observe yourself in new ways. You are becoming free of the you, you believed was you. 

Strengthening this kind of awareness is more important than brushing your teeth or eating lots of vegetables. Those things are important but not as important as transcending your harmful patterns and becoming free of your suffering. Awareness is the foundation of spiritual growth and because we can strengthen this muscle by meditating we have a precious opportunity to become liberated from suffering and to become truely helpful to the world. 

Besides meditating, there are other ways to strengthen your awareness.  Getting into the habit of being mindful of how your body feels and the sensations in your body, is another powerful way to cultivate your awareness. If you are hungry, be curious about what that feeling really feels like. Stop for 30 seconds and notice all the sensations in your body, especially when those feelings are strong. The noticing, is the awareness arising. 

If the noticing is done with playful curiousity, it will lead to more awareness in your future.  Curiousity is the joyful seeking of truth, and before we have any other kind of motivation we have curiousity. This is why curiousity is not part of the ego or the "me plan."; those came later in our developement. The next time you see little kids looking at a flower, know that the joy they are feeling comes from their innate curiousity. We never lose that, it only gets covered up. Awareness practices help to uncover that.  Curiousity is what you may be missing in your life. Its not really missing though,  just supressed.   

Another technique which is useful in strengthening that awareness is the habit of replaying what we said to people or to ourselves, while being curious as to why we said it. Remembering how we were gossiping about a co-worker might lead us to many realizations about ourself and our relationships with others. The important thing is not to beat ourself up for not being the perfect being we had hoped we were, but rather to just rest in that curiousity and to try to find and learn deeper patterns about ourselves just because its interesting.    The important thing to realize is that the awareness which sees the pattern is not a part of the pattern.  The awareness of the gossip is not a part of the ego which feels the need to gossip.  Simply knowing that you are more than just that gossipy person, is a source of peace which is underneath the gossip.  The gossip is like peanut butter on a china plate. The plate is not stained by it, and neither are you for having that pattern or habit.  The plate may be completely hidden by the peanut butter but it will always be clean underneath.   

When you notice some pattern in your thoughts which you don't like, remember you are the awareness which underlies the pattern and the very fact that you are aware of that thought or that pattern is something to rejoyce in because its a reminder that you are not the peanut butter, you are the china plate. If another judgeing thought or "fact" pops up after noticing the first thought, its really great to realize that that second conclusion is just another thought; just another smear of peanut butter. Its not a permanent problem, only a temporary one.  The fact that you are aware of the thought means you already are transcending it to some extent. 

I remember when I first become aware that I often scolded myself for thinking while meditating. I realized that the scolding thoughts were just more thoughts. I also realized that thoughts were like clouds in the sky.  Thoughts were just as temporary and ephemeral as clouds and so really weren't a problem. The awareness of thougths undermines and dissolves them when the awareness is more interesting than the thoughts.  The mind will naturally gravitate to awareness rather than the thoughts when the thoughts are seen this way and eventually those thoughts will not come as quickly or as often. Simple awareness bathed in the joy of curiousity without personal agenda is the key to escaping the jail of your thoughts. 

I also realized that willing myself into non-distraction, just wasn't working for me. If anything it seemed to make me think more and be aware less.  Later I realized that the force of will is the force of the ego, and the ego is the source for almost all thoughts.  By trying to strengthen my will power I was actually strengthening my ego and creating more thoughts. This is why asceticism often feeds pride and arrogance. This is why allowing curiousity to come into your awareness again is important because curiousity came before the ego and is not a part of it.    Ride the wave of curiousity for no other reason than because its fun.  When your curiousity based awareness is fun, then it will arise more and more.  If the awareness is based in the "me plan" then its probably not much fun.  At least it wasn't for me.    I don't think my awareness really grew all that much when I thought I needed to become someone different like a better meditator, or practicioner. But when I was looking at myself out of just curiousity alone, my awareness grew and the mind settled into a more peaceful state all on its own.   

Thoughts are like clouds, they come and go, arise and fall, form and dissolve. A cloud can appear to be a pirate ship, for instance, but we know that it really isn't, and if we look at it long enough, it will surely melt and morf into something else and eventiually, it will dissolve. The awareness of the cloud does not dissolve, however. It is there, all the time. It never dissolves or morfs, it just is aware. This is why reincarnation is possible, because even though the body may die and dissolve, the awareness contained by the body does not. At least this is what I've heard. 

Awareness is like a canvass which can be the foundation of all paintings which are created upon it. Thoughts or ego would not be possible without awareness, yet somehow, most of us really haven't become aware of it.  Yes, awareness can even be aware of itself. Isn't that what we are doing right now? 

The next time you are aware that you have been thinking on the cusion, remember that its the awareness which allowed you to know that you were thinking. The thought wasn't really important, but the awareness arising was. You can rejoice in that instead of feeling like you failed in your quest for peace and enlightnement. So when you notice your thoughts, rejoice in the joy of that. That is a moment of enlightenment which is your birthright. The more joy you feel, the more you will be aware of in the future until, your allegence to the present moment exceeds your allegance to your thoughts. This habit of noticing the awareness and feeling the joy of that arising is a very good habit indeed. It is a huge step in your spiritual growth and the spiritual growth of the planet as a whole. 

Some people might assume that thoughtless awareness is a dull kind of stupidity but I can assure you, its not.  It is the source of all wisdom, understanding and all creation. The wisdom and creative energy of the Universe can only flow through us when our ego gets out of the way.  The practice of prajna paramita is the practice of tuning into that quiet, all pervasive wisdom-awareness; which leads to the dissolution of ignorance and a very clear seeing of what is.  When you know this in your heart, you can not help but smile. 

Noticing your thougths without judgement is noticing them in a state of peace. Just seeing is enough. There is no effort in the seeing. Effort only gets in the way. Any effort to get rid of effort is in the end, just another mind made agenda and will not work. So give that up. Allow your thoughts to come and go but get into the habit of being aware of them out of simple curiousity, and no more.  Resting in the joy of simply seeing is all thats needed and since you already have that awareness underneath everything else, you don't need to acquire it, only uncover it. 

In the Prajna Paramita sutra, which is probably the most profound teaching the Buddha ever gave, is a teaching on emptiness.  There is a line that says, 'There is no attainment and there is no non-attainment.'  This is the one fact you can rejoice in. You already have what you need to transcend the suffering and drama of this life and all the other possible ones too.           

Awareness is the thing to cultivate. Not virtue, not discipline, not magical powers of concentration. All those attributes will likely come right out of the peace which awaits you, like flowers sprouting out of the soil in the spring. Focus on the soil of your pracitce, and that is your awareness. 

 

Confidence

Confidence

When a person has great “Hutzpa” or “Gusto” or “Mojo,” you can be sure they have high self-esteem.
When a person of great Beauty and confidence enters a room, almost everyone takes notice.
They are more likely to be believed, trusted, and liked then when an average looking person enters
the room. Why is this?  Is it their beauty or their confidence which gives them such power over others’
opinions? I found that it's mostly confidence which makes a person attractive. I've known very
beautiful people who didn't appear to be attractive at first because they had such low self-esteem.
I’ve also seen the opposite. I see examples of people like Mick Jagger for instance. He is usually
treated with great respect, deference, and awe by most people he meets. He seems totally confident
despite his lack of good looks. Good looks and confidence play off each other and without one the other would vanish. These two qualities that some seem to have in abundance co-create each other. That being said, I feel confidence is the most important in terms of the reality we create for ourselves.

Confidence in how we look to others, and confidence in how others will treat us is only one type of
confidence.  There are many. Confidence can be focused. You can be confident in your ability to
grow roses and when the day comes that you get your big reward for the prettiest rose, that
confidence will shine. Being an expert is having confidence in your knowledge of a particular topic.
There are many different flavors of confidence, yet a common thread runs through them all. That
thread is having a belief in one's agency, or one's ability to accomplish.

Confidence, when you get right down to it, is a form of belief in oneself. The flip side of confidence is
low confidence, or low self-esteem. I think it's fair to say that just about everybody at times knows
what it feels like to believe that they're a failure or that they're no good or that they're unattractive or
that they're unlovable. At some point in everybody's life we all feel that way. Is it true to say that
without confidence then you almost always believe the flip side is true?  Is it true to say that without
confidence, whatever it is you are trying to do, deep down you believe you can't? Whatever it is that
you lack confidence in; you always believe you can't.  If you believe you can't fix your car by yourself
then you probably won’t be able to. You may even have the sad sad believe that you could never
learn. How’s that for believing in the “I can’t” belief?  If you believe that no one will want to dance
with you at the high school dance, then you may believe or suspect that you can't attract anyone.
Whatever it is that you lack confidence in, there is always an underlying assumption of “I can't.”   
Confidence seems to stem from the flip side of that belief. That is in the assumption of “I can.”
When we have confidence we often are able to over come great odds and accomplish amazing things.

Whether we have confidence or no confidence we are seeing our world through, a similar belief
system.  The confidence/ no confidence belief system is our answer to knowing who we are. Whether
we are abundantly confident, or we lack it completely, the common thread between these two ways of
seeing ourself in the world is that both see the world through the lens of the self.  These are beliefs
about the self. We may assume that others see us as no good, or uninteresting, or unworthy. Notice
the “un” in front of each label? The flip side of each label is “good,” “interesting,” “Worthy.”

What if all those beliefs were false? What if both the positive and negative self views were false?
What if the whole spectrum of self views were all false? What then? Who would you be? This is
something worth contemplating. If you want to contemplate this, the don't forget that question. Ask it
again and again:. “who would you be without these beliefs in yourself?” Resting in the unknowable
nature of that question is the best way to contemplate it.

Perhaps the next question, once you become comfortable with not knowing who you are, is the more
important question. That question is: who is asking and why?  Don’t worry about finding an answer to
these questions either. Learn to see all answers are just more beliefs about the self.

Why not just stay? Stay in the place of not knowing. Stay in the place of openness to possibilities,
openness to change, to anything. This is the place where curiosity is born. This is the place where life
truly happens.

Most of us can only live our life fully when we forget the self.  We are only truly alive when we forget
the self. Holding a newborn in our arms is one way to forget the self.  Flying down a mountain on a
snowboard in a foot of fresh powder is maybe another way to briefly forget the self. Gazing into the
eyes of the one you have just fallen totally in love with is another example. In all these experiences
and so many more like them, we probably felt very alive. There is a reason for that.

What a good day it is when we have experienced life while the “self” took a backseat to the
experience.  Do you remember what it felt like when you were experiencing life without the burden
and anxiety of maintaining or improving the self? The self takes so much of our energy to maintain
and protect, not to mention all the ambitions we have that will “define” us in some way.  The problem is,
that all those things which are used to define the self, and to protect the self, and to maintain the self,
limit “our” awareness to a fine point. A point in space and time which invariably misses the big picture.

The drama that can result from the narrow view of the self is apparent to anyone who watches this
kind of human plight.  Have you ever noticed that during a big drama storm there is often someone
quietly watching the whole thing go down? Didn’t it seem that they were the one who were most free
of the drama?  They weren’t stressed about it because they probably saw that in the long run, it all
meant pretty much nothing. Perhaps one could make the argument that those experiences had to be
experienced by those involved and so in that sense they had meaning, but not the same meaning that
those caught in the drama believed at the time.  Think of all the dramas that must have occurred over
the vast expanse of history. How many of those still have meaning? Did they ever? This is what it
means to see the truth of a thing.

There is relative truth and absolute truth. Those caught in the drama are seeing their world from the
lens of the self and through the limited lens of relative truth are caught in that limited understanding.
Those who sit in the corner and grin perhaps see the situation from the perspective of absolute truth,
or a perspective closer to that.  They are free of the drama. Although they experience the same
situation, they are free of the suffering and anxiety, and adrenaline. They are also free of the hatred
and violence and fear. They have much more peace than those caught in the drama. Those playing
out the roles of “their” selves are the ones who are suffering. (I put the possessive pronoun in quotes
because who owns who? Do you possess your “self” or does it possess you?)

If you contemplate what it is to know thyself without all the labels and beliefs, you may realize
something incredibly profound.   In fact, one day you may realize exactly what the Buddha meant by
the term “no-self.” When you see the world through the lens of absolute truth, you will be free of seeing
it through the lens of the self because you will see that, like everything which is compounded, it is only
real in a limited sense.  In other words, you may see someday when you least expect it, that life is not
really real. When you see that the self is just another set of beliefs, you may be free of it. As you
realize this, you may find that you do not have to take your life and “your” self so seriously. Mistakes
take on a whole new meaning when you no longer have to prove your self.

Once you see the flowing, ever changing nature of life, and can feel the true depths of impermanence
then you will be close to understanding what the enlightened ones meant when they said there is no
self.  To realize the nature of self is to be free of it and all suffering. This is what they say, but find out
for yourself. Don’t take the Buddha’s word for it, contemplate with the aim of finding the truth for
"your"self.               

If you want to go to heaven

Much thought and effort has been given to getting to Heaven and avoiding the alternative. Most Christians assume they will go to heaven simply because they are a card carrying Christian, but will they? Lets hope so, but from the standpoint of what Heaven is, its fair to say that many won't or at least, they won't if they continue to be who they are now. Most people get angry at times, they get jealous, or greedy, or judgmental towards others. Have you ever wondered what Heaven would be like if everyone got in? For instance, what would Heaven be like if people there got angry at times? There could be fist fights. Are there fist fights in Heaven? Maybe Valhalla but not Heaven.

If beings in heaven got angry then it wouldn't be heaven anymore would it? Anger, hatred, selfishness, and greed are behavioral patterns which cannot exist in heaven because if they did, then it wouldn't be long before people would get angry and start shouting, and maybe even start fist fights. If people had fist fights in Heaven then how can you expect there to be peace in Heaven? If there isn't peace in the hearts of all those who live there then its not heaven is it? It stands to reason, does it not?

Although Jesus or Allah or whatever name you use for God forgives you for what you did in the past, he or she cannot change your mind for you, only you can do that. If you get angry or have bouts of jealousy, or greed then you can be sure that you won't be let into Heaven regardless of whether God wiped away your sins or not. The reason is obvious, Heaven is only possible if the people who live there are free of those negative patterns. 

If God changed your mind by removing your hatred, your prejudges and all the things that would make you not fit in in Heaven, then you probably would not be you anymore. In order for us to be alive we have to have free will. If our mind were somehow magically re-wired without our help then we basically would be like a computer or a complex piece of software that could be re-written and restarted. If we didn't have free will, what would we be? We would be nothing more than a robot or some animated character following a carefully written script. We wouldn't be really alive. God gave us life because he gave us free will. If God started tweaking with your programming to make you compatible with Heaven then at what point would you not be you anymore? Besides, wouldn't God have done this by now if he or she could have or would have? God knows that you can't be alive if you don't have a free will of your own. He (or she) knows that the only person who can change your mind, is you. This is why he sent Jesus to the Earth, to help us change ourselves. If Jesus just had to wave his magic wand and make us all saintly again then why did he spend so much time teaching?

What did he teach by the way? He taught methods and viewpoints that will help anyone change themselves if they have to courage to really see their negative side clearly. To work on a daily basis toward becoming a better person is really what God wanted from us all along. Just about every religion on Earth has as its basis the notion that we can and should become better people. There has never been a saint who has started out as a saint. It took a lot of gentle, self compassionate understanding and daily work. Daily contemplation, daily mindfulness practice or praying are great techniques you can use and maybe already do use to change yourself.

Using Jesus as an example of someone we would like to be like, is another way of changing ourselves unless we think that we must either be 100% like him already or we have failed. Many people have this kind of notion I think. That they need to be either perfect or they have failed. This kind of perfection based understanding of personal transformation is overly simplistic.  It assumes that the self is static, and it assumes that either one is a saint or not. The perfection based understanding of personal transformation is not really right.  When we change we usually change slowly, its not all or nothing. For instance, very few people can just quit smoking in a day. It usually takes many times of trying to quit before they succeed. If a person felt guilt for not being able to quit the first time they might not even try again. I personally quit about 10 times before I finally succeeded. Its been almost 15 years since I have had a craving for a cigarette, yet there was a time when I smoked 20 a day.

The most important thing to remember is the one thing that people often overlook. This is the simple fact that we can change ourselves. Why would Jesus have ever even tried to teach to us if he didn't have faith in our ability to change ourselves? We can change ourselves, and that's good news. We don't have to be perfect. Not only can we change our habits and tendencies but even our perspective of our self may change. Moments of wisdom and clarity come to us at the most unexpected times and we are never really the same. Maybe its those daily times when we are quiet which help us to see and to change as a result of that seeing.

What did Jesus mainly say about how to change yourself? He demonstrated how to be meek, forgiving, truthful, loyal, loving, and perhaps most importantly, compassionate. If there is one impression I have of Jesus from what I've read it is that he was always loving and compassionate. Even when he overturned the bankers' tables in the temple, he probably didn't hate the bankers. I think he just wanted to wake them up to what they were doing. He saw how they were harming themselves by expressing their greed.

I am not the only one to say that the most important thing you need to do in order to get to heaven is to do what Jesus did. Some of the things that one needs to do is to learn to forgive, learn to let go, and always try to remember that all life is sacred and unique and deserves our respect and maybe even our love. I believe that if one cultivates love in their own heart instead of anger, judgment, hatred, arrogance, greed and pride, then that person has accomplished more than someone who is been saved by Jesus 1000 times but hasn't changed themselves at all.

I am not sure but it seems to me that maybe baptisms and saving ceremonies are really meant as good starting points on our journey to become better people. I think that is a much smarter way to look at it if your goal is to get to heaven. Seeing these ceremonies as some sort of magic wand waving is missing the whole point. To improve ourselves is to transcend our programming as selfish individuals who are only concerned with survival and getting our little needs met. To transcend ourselves we have to see ourselves clearly and we have to actively work on changing our habits and patterns.

Spirituality can be seen as some sort of conduit to magic and the kinds of things that only God can do, or it can be seen as a path to change ourselves. What approach do you think will be more effective at getting into Heaven?