Morality and Clouding the Mind

All religions have codes of behavior. Christianity has the ten commandments; no stealing, no lying no murder,  no coveting, etc.   Buddhism has the noble eight fold path; right speech, right livlihood, right action, right effort, right mindfulness, right concentration, right intention and right view.  In Christianity, the ten commandments is a code of behavior supposedly laid down from an all powerful, all knowing parental figure.  If we broke one of those rules, he would know it, and eventually we'd have to answer to him, and apologize, usually after we died.   Buddhism has a different take on why we should follow a code of behavior.  Since buddhism is a non-theistic philosophy the reason why it makes sense to try to abide by the noble eightfold path, has nothing to do with being punished, because there is no punisher.  Some people may say that the karmic results of our actions can be like a punishment, but if that's true, then we are punishing ourselves, because we are the ones who set the forces of karma in motion.   Karma is an ancient word which means that for every action there is an effect that will be experienced sometime in the future.

In Christianity the effect of doing one thing wrong is that you won't be allowed into gods home when you die, unless you ask for his forgiveness and accept him into your heart.  Since we are human beings with selfish tendencies, we often break at least some of the ten commandments, and so many Christians either have to pretend to be perfect or they have to ask for forgiveness many times throughout their lives.  There is a constant barrage of minor misdeeds that bring a sense of guilt to most Christians.

With karma theory, its a different approach.  Its like we are a work in progress. We accept that we aren't perfect (whatever 'perfect' means), and we work on ourselves wherever we see that work is needed.  The reason why we try to get out of the habit of lying, is not because we are displeasing our 'father who are in heaven', its because we know, or are at least are told, that we will have to suffer in some way in the future because of our actions today.  For example, if someone lies all the time, then their life gets very complicated. They have to remember what they said to whom, and constantly maintain their 'stories'. Eventually, no one believes what they say.  This is one of the many karmic effects of lying.  It may not happen right away, but it will happen eventually, maybe in a future life if reincarnation is true.

Padmasambhava, the great enlightened yogi who brought Buddhism to Tibet 1500 years ago, said  "if you want to know what you did in your past lives look at your present life, if you want to know what your future lives will be like, look at your present actions."   Since the karmic effects of our actions are cumulative then it is the things we do over and over that will really come back to bite us.

The positive side of this is that if you get into the habit of being helpful to others, if you get in the habit of telling the truth, if you get into the habit of caring about others, then in the future you will experience the benefits of those actions.  For example, if a person is very generous in one life they may become rich in the next.  Of course, if they then think that God has made them rich because they are somehow special, then they may become greedy, and develop an attitude of entitlement. This belief may cause them to get into the habit of hording and stealing. These actions will plunge them back into poverty in their next life.  This is the cycle of suffering.  Out of ignorance, we do things which cause us suffering. We also unwittingly do things which later cause us joy.  

Right actions are done for different reasons in Buddhism than in Christianity. In Christianity we strive to be good children of God. In Buddhism we strive to avoid future suffering and to clarify our view of reality.   In Christianity, we need to become perfect or else we are going to hell.  In Buddhism, we have all the time in the universe to suffer again and again until we figure it out. No one from up above is judging us, no one is keeping tabs, or writing it down in a ledger.  In essence, we can suffer as much as we want.   So, the whole idea in Buddhism is to work on yourself.  Not so that the Buddha will like you, but because that is the process of growth and evolution we are meant to go through in order to realize who we really are.   Guilt has nothing to do with it.  Does a painter feel guilty that they made a mistake on the canvas? Probably not. They simple see it, and correct it.  If the painter felt guilty all the time whenever they made a mistake, then they probably wouldn't paint for too long.  When the Dalai Lama was asked if he ever felt guilty, he didn't know what they meant. He didn't know the meaning of guilt. This is because Buddhism has been such an integral part of Tibetan culture for so long, that they don't have the concept of guilt.  

There is a big difference between living in fear of being imperfect, and living a life in which you are happy with every improvement.   Refraining from gossip because you want to be perfect, and fear the result of being imperfect, is very different from not gossiping because you know that in the long run you will be much happier if you don't.  Sure you may gossip sometimes, but if you are improving slowly, then there is a sense of joy in that.  Its a big relief to know that you don't have to be perfect.

So, if the universe has a law of karma, just as it has a law of gravity, then how does the law of karma work?  If there isn't someone recording all our actions and judging us for them, then how do our actions later cause us joy or suffering?   I guess only fully enlightened masters know for sure, but I believe its because our actions reinforce the inner beliefs we have. For instance being greedy, reinforces the inner belief that you don't have enough already. Always fighting to be superior leads one to the notion that you need to be superior, and who you are right now, is not enough.  Always being a "know it all", and working hard to impress others, reinforces the deep inner belief that you aren't good enough, and that others wouldn't listen to you or respect you if you weren't an "expert." Since actions seem to have a more powerful effect on what we believe than just thoughts, repeated actions seem to ingrain these inner beliefs more and more.

What all the different rules of behavior do is help us to avoid being selfish. Selfishness clouds our understanding of who we are.  Selfish actions reinforce the erroneous belief that we are separate from all other life.  If the right hand started believing that it was superior to the left hand, and its actions reinforced that belief, then eventually it would see itself as a completely different being than the left hand.  It would think that its life is somehow more important than the left hand's life. If you look, you can see this belief everywhere in human society. Its sad to see the end result (the karmic result) of that inner belief.  This is why killing other beings should be avoided as much as possible, because that type of action reinforces the erroneous belief that you are separate from the rest of life, and that "your" life is somehow more important than everyone else's.    

Clarifying our understanding of the nature of reality, and who we really are, is far more important than projecting an image of goodness to the universe.  Not that being a good person is something that should be avoided, but it won't save you from the cycle of suffering.  It wont help us find our way home.  All the selfish actions, subtle and gross, have kept us in this cycle for longer than we could even imagine. Many a smug crusader of whats "right" and "good" have done more harm than good.

Becoming liberated, becoming enlightened, is not about building ourselves up. Its about realizing that our self centered view, is what has kept us trapped all along; trapped in a narrow view of who we are, and why we're here. We're not here to "become" someone special, to prove anything to anyone, to make our everlasting mark on the world. We're here to realize that we don't need to be anyone, that there isn't anything to prove, and there is no sense in making our mark on the world if we are doing so to feel complete. There is no real way to make our mark on this world anyway because impermanence is the way of this world.  Nothing in this world, including our "selves", is permanent.  Ironically, this is not bad news.  When this is realized, we can relax.  Real peace comes when we realize that our own simple awareness of this very life, that our natural curiosity, and our basic aliveness, is what its really all about.  To realize this, is to fulfill our true purpose. This kind of wisdom can not be "known" by the mind.  Its what is often discovered when the mind made "things" of this life finally fall apart.   When this is seen thoroughly without the mind jumping in with some interpretation like: "woah is me, I am a failure." or "those bastards have really screwed me this time."  then you can know in your heart of hearts that what we really are goes beyond this material world.  Way beyond.  What has always been keeping us from this knowing, is our mind made stories and beliefs.

So, the real point of right action is not to become a saint, (although you may appear to be one to others.) The real point is to help clarify the mind.  To clear it out of the habitual reactions; to see through the stories, and judgements, to slow it all down so that the only thing left is our quiet knowing.  This knowing is there right now, and has always been there.  This knowing is realizing that we don't "have" a life, we ARE life.  This knowing is realizing that the reason why we should care about others is because we really aren't separate from them.  You can really get a glimpse of this sometimes when others are in pain. Sometimes when others are in pain, and we don't have an easy way of judging them as different, or separate from us, then we can feel their pain too. This is compassion. Compassion is not something you need to "do", its something you can uncover if you have the courage to feel their pain, right along with them.  If we truly were separate from them, then there wouldn't be compassion in this world.

So the selfish actions cloud our mind, and selfless actions bring us closer to the underlying truth.  The Buddha said that all suffering comes from selfish actions, and all joy comes from selfless actions.  I really feel this is true. I hope you do too.

The view of the three kayas

Life is marked by growth and decay, fast and slow change. Thats what growth and decay are, change.  Change is a fundamental aspect of the universe. Even something which is seemingly still is moving constantly on some level.  Every atom constantly moves and vibrates, every subatomic particle is constantly moving, taking on energy and giving it out.  There is a flow to it all. If you stand quietly you can notice it. There's a sound here and a rustle there. So much is going on. A bird singing in the distance. The light and shadow of a moving tree. A leaf rolls slowly down from the sky. What you can see depends on your patience.  If you were patient enough, maybe you could see a mountain crumble away.

There is a famous teaching in Buddhism called the Three Kayas; Dharmakaya, Sambhogakaya, and Nirmanakaya. The three together describe this ever changing and flowing nature of existence.  

Dharmakaya is the pregnant space inbetween sentences. It is the mother of creativity and is where curiosity resides.  The open possibilities of every moment is a place of crackly energy. Sambhogakaya is movement. The movement of becoming. Its the momentum of karma that brought us here and dictates where we are going unless we see through it thoroughly.  Sambhogakaya is the process of creation. Growth is the main element of sambhogakaya.  

Once something has become what its karma has driven it to become, then it it seemingly solid and concrete. There is an "is-ness" to it. It seems real. This is called Nirmanakaya.  The world is filled with things which are holding a form for the time being.  The things that fill our world only exist temporarily. Even a mountain will eventually turn to silt.  If you hold a glass of water in your hand and you drink the water, its no longer a glass of water, just a glass.  Its nature changed.  If you drop that glass and it shatters into a million scattering pieces, its no longer a glass.  Every glass will eventually break.  Its is-ness will end and the isness of all the shards of glass will be.

The three kayas together describe our real experience. In every moment there is a uniqueness and an infinite amount of elements to be aware of. In any moment we can choose to be aware. To be aware of the possibilities and to be aware of the movement, growth, decay, and to be aware of the solidity and is-ness that seems to pervade all things and ideas.

Standing silently we can tune into this process. We can feel the possibilities of any given moment, we can notice the changes and sounds happening constantly.  We can be aware that the solidity is there and is temporary.  You can adopt the three kaya (or trikaya) view at any time for any amount of time.  Standing in the forest, you can stop and just listen.  You can hear it everywhere.  The wind caressing the leaves of the trees. The faint chirp of a small bird, the intermittent scratching of a squirrel climbing a tree.

When you tune into the world from this perspective the world often becomes very vibrant and  incredibly beautiful. colors become brighter and more subtle, sounds more prevalent, textures more interesting.  Becoming open to your experience of the world is the process of dropping your agenda for a moment, forgetting the worries, and fears, and just being there ready to experience life fully.  If you are curious about the possibilities of each moment; if you are attentive to each movement, each sound, each feeling; if you are fascinated by each form, by the shape and texture of it, then you are there.    Start with sound.  Close your eyes and wait patiently for a sound. You won't have to wait long.  When a sound appears, let it pass like a white line passes underneath your car on the freeway. Don't cling onto the experience, just constantly wait for the next experience while at the same time experiencing what is here now. Labeling is not letting the white line pass beneath the car. Its stopping it, and trying to hold it, to control it, and make it permanent.  Nothing is permament.  Letting all your experiences flow through your senses is like skiing down a mountain at full speed.  There's no need to count the trees when you wiz down the mountain.  Theres no time to anyway. Just let them go by, and be there to enjoy the experience.

Wait patiently for each experience with the curiosity that you would have if you didn't know what was going to happen.  In reality, you don't.  If you find that everything has to have a label, then notice how your mind labels things. There is a growth, and isness to each thought.  In between thoughts there is the possibilities of many new thoughts popping up.

The world is not a fixed thing that we can ever fully grasp and control. Its a flowing, ever changing set of experiences, which we always have the chance to tune into.  Patience, unfocused awareness and curiosity are the keys to seeing the world in a new light.  Try it, you might like it.

The ball and chain of discipline

Discipline is a really loaded word for our culture.  'You should do this!', 'You should do that!'  When we are being "disciplined" it usually means we did something wrong.  It means we "sinned."  I've heard that the origin of the word "sin" comes from a Greek word meaning to "miss the mark."  Just like the word discipline, the word sin has heavy emotional connotations for most of us. As we were growing up we were full of the creative life energy that is still at our core. As we were learning about the world we often would screw up something like not being able to put the phone back together after we had taken it apart.  When life was simple, and we used sticks to plant our potatoes or whatever it was we planted, so there wasn't much to screw up.  As life became more and more technologically complex, it became easier and easier to make mistakes that would stop the whole thing from working.  Somebody was bound to get pissed off. What did they do when the phone didn't work anymore?  They looked for the person who screwed it up. They would say things like: "You broke it" , "You break things",  "You are always breaking things" , "You are a bad person", "Don't touch anything, just sit here quietly."  We were just being curious, and look where it got us.  We were criticized and reigned in and suppressed.

The question is, is it useful to discipline and criticize people?  Does it work to help people hit the target next time?  What does criticism really do?   When we criticize ourselves, does it help us to become better people?  Does it help us to do everything right, and keep the wheels and cogs of our mechanized life running smoothly?  If it does, then are we happier because of that?  Does criticism make people better, happier people, or does it cripple us and make us think we are no good?  Does it make us think that we need to be perfect to be good? Does criticism make us into productive, perfect little non-sinners?

I've found that it actually does the opposite.  When we are young, and still very uncertain of who we are, then others opinions of us are really important.  We believe our parents when they told us we were bad because we took the phone apart.   Every criticism became further evidence that we were imperfect, and maybe even bad. Every time we broke something, every time we got a bad grade on the spelling or math test and our parents frowned, we came to believe that we were no good.  We wanted to be good people.  When we played with our friends, we would feel the energy of life flowing through us and we would feel good.  Every time we laughed a genuine, full chested laugh, we would connect with our inner goodness, but that wasn't enough to overcome the daily criticism from the mechanized, complex world where everything had to be just so, in order to keep working.  Doing our homework, getting to school on time, getting good grades.  It all required concentration, and container.  The creative life energy we had, had to be contained and suppressed in order for us to be "good" people.

All this criticism, and containment has really done the opposite of what we had intended.  Its made us into scared, depressed, sad individuals who believe that we have to hold it together by force of will or our lives will fall apart. The 70's band "Supertramp" said it best in The logical song   Usually what all this criticism has done is to make us worried constantly about making "mistakes", about being exposed for our "faults".  If we are criticized a lot when we are growing up, we often learn to start criticizing ourselves in our own heads.  In this way, our parents learned to be critical and heavy handed, and we learn from them to be critical and heavy handed, and we often pass that way of thinking on to our kids.  You may find that you are criticizing yourself right now for being so critical and judgemental.  The criticizing is criticizing the criticizing. :-) 

I've found that I am much more productive and have much better results when I approach work from an almost playful attitude.  When I'm not worried too much about doing it all "right" then I relax and take it all more slowly, and enjoy the process, and I actually make fewer mistakes.  When I'm not feeling bad about making a mistake, then whatever I'm doing becomes play, not work.  When your whole idea of self doesn't rest on the outcome of whatever it is you're doing, then what you're doing becomes lighter, less heavy.  Mistakes can be seen as a blessing when you don't believe that you need to be perfect.  When I first started working on cars, I probably broke more than I fixed because I needed to make a whole bunch of mistakes in order to learn how it all worked.  The mistakes were the tuition I had to pay to learn how to do it.  If someone gives me a recipe to follow, and I don't know why I am doing each step in the recipe, then there is very little chance that I will remember how to do that task in the future.  But if I make mistakes along the way, then I can learn why.

Mistakes are probably the most important way that we have in this life to learn.  By thinking deep down that we are no good when we make a mistake, we are cutting ourselves off from the joy of learning.  We cut ourselves off from the growth that happens when we learn and evolve as human beings.  If we like who we are right now, then we can't curse our past no matter how many mistakes or "sins" we may have done.  If we don't think that we are "bad" people because we have made those mistakes; if we instead realize that those mistakes were a big, necessary part of growth and learning, then we may even come to be happy that we made those mistakes.

When the Dalai Lama was first told about the word "guilt" he didn't understand because there is no equivalent concept in Tibet.  Yet Tibetan teachings do talk about "remorse".  So whats the difference between western "guilt" and eastern "remorse?"  The difference is that in the west, we see our sins or mistakes as evidence that we are "no good" deep down.  When we feel bad about yelling at our kids, we are feeling bad about ourselves because we want to be "perfect" parents. Guilt is an ego based emotion, whereas eastern remorse is really more about compassion.  If we had remose for yelling at our kids, because we made them cry, we would feel bad with them. When we feel remorse we could simply decide, 'I don't like feeling bad when they feel bad, so I will remember that yukky feeling next time I am thinking of yelling at them.' It would have  nothing to do with who you are deep down. Its simply would be a part of learning how to be a better parent.  If on the other hand we feel bad about ourselves because we "sinned", because we screwed up, because we over reacted, because once again we've shown that we are not perfect like Jesus, then we are much more likely to rationalize the whole situation; to shift the blame.  We might think that our kid deserved to cry, or we might think that being a parent requires us to yell at our kids.  The more emotional energy we bring to a situation, the less likely we will see it clearly.  If we slowly learn that our basic nature is like that of the Buddha, then we won't take it so personally when we make mistakes.   I became a much more effective parent when I finally realized that I wasn't ever going to be a perfect parent, but that didn't mean my kids lives were doomed. The more I realize that deep down I am basically good, and mistakes don't take away from that, the more I am able to feel remorse for mistakes and the less guilty I feel for those mistakes.

Living from a place of guilt is like living in a dungeon. Its a dark scary place, where you need to control everything.  When our playful energy is covered over with the dark energy of guilt and suppression, then our lives become very gloomy.  Many people who are in the habit of criticizing themselves habitually, often turn to alcohol or drugs in order to get some relief from that dungeon.  The medication often become a further source of guilt though, so in the long run that approach sends them further into the dungeon.  They believe more and more deeply that they are not good, that they will never be perfect.

Living from a place of knowing that you are basically good, that the inner light of your basic nature is that of life, and that that inner nature is as inextinguishable as the sun, is living in a place of freedom.  Did you ever notice that some people have a spring in their step, and even laugh when they make a mistake?  They don't even seem to try and yet they often pull of the most amazing feats of athleticism or skill.  When they are doing their thing, whether its knitting, or snow boarding, they are enjoying life.  A mistake is looked at, learned from, and they become even better.  Its not personal, and they probably don't even use their successes as any indication of who they are as a person.  Maybe there is something you really do that you enjoy.  You look forward to doing it because its "fun".  Succeeding, or failing with that thing probably has nothing to do with your notion of who you think you are.  When you make a mistake, its no big deal, because your whole soul is not at stake.  There is no reason to blame anyone else for a mistake because its not really personal.  So because its not personal, its much easier to learn from mistakes.  It might be something as simple as doing sudoku or crosswords in the morning.  It might be restoring an old sailboat in your garage.  But, as soon as we bring our self into the picture, the energy of the task changes.  If all of a sudden, we entered a crossword contest and we wanted to prove to the world how great we are at solving crosswords, then the whole situation would change.  We would be moving from the garden into the dungeon.

I'm not saying we need to throw off all the responsibilities of our life and join a hippy commune.  I'm saying that it would actually be much more useful for us to change our approach. To not take it all so seriously.  I had a bunch of bumper stickers made up. They say: "No matter how big your grave stone is, it wont make you any less dead"  It may sound negative, but knowing that life is not about becoming rich or famous, or even becoming super successful, is actually a big relief.   Knowing that its not about being perfect, is a huge relief.  Its like the jailer has decided to let us out of the dungeon.  Life becomes play when its not about becoming someone other than who you are already.  The need to do certain things like going to work or doing the dishes, does not need to be something we force on ourselves like a dungeon master whipping the chain gang into breaking the rocks faster. We don't need to force ourselves out of fear and heavy handedness into doing the necessary tasks. Even if we don't take it all very seriously, it doesn't mean we will just become slobs.  If we do become slobs, then maybe thats OK too, for as long as we need to be slobs to realize that we actually may enjoy a clean house more than a messy one.  If we are slobs for a while, does it mean we are no good?  No. It doesn't. If we clean the house not because we believe it will mean anything about who we are, but rather because we learned that we like it better clean then messy, we are approaching cleaning in a whole new way. We may not enjoy it, but if we give into the process because we know we need to in order to get what we like, then cleaning becomes more lighthearted.  Its not so serious.  If we force ourselves into standing in line at the grocery store, it feels so much different than if we give in to standing there because we accept the fact that we have to wait in line to have food.  If we are suppressing ourselves and using the force of will to stand there, then it becomes really annoying when the cashier is going slow, or if the person in front of us has a lot of groceries. But if we give in to the situation, and accept that this is an experience we are having, then the whole experience can become playful. We might make a new friend, or joke around a little with the people standing in line with us.  The person in front of us is not viewed as an obstacle, but rather a fellow waiter. When you give into a situation as opposed to making the situation "go your way", the doors to the dungeon open, and light shines in.

The key to the dungeon is already in your hands.  Its been there all along.   If we simply accept that doing the dishes is the experience we must have at this moment, because we like clean dishes, and we give into that, and realize that success or failure it has nothing to do with who we are, then life becomes light and easy.  We may even find that there is a spring in our step, rather than a drudge in our trudge.   If you find yourself saying, 'yeah thats all well and good but what I'm doing with such and such project is really important.'   Ask yourself, what part of that project will last?  What has anyone done in the past that really lasted, or will last forever?  Even the pyramids will eventually crumble into dust.  If you are doing what you do because you enjoy it, then it really doesn't matter if it lasts forever does it?  If you are doing what you are doing because you hope it gives your life some ultimate meaning or definition, then sadly, I have to say it will not work.  Even if you won the nobel prize in chemistry, would it give you the peace you had been hoping for? Would it "complete" you? If you take the "self" out of what you do, you will find that peace.  Life wants to flow through you, but it can't when you take it too seriously.  All creativity comes from lightheartedness, and lighthandedness.  All spark and energy, and enjoyment comes from that flow.  We cut ourselves off from life when we live in the dungeon of ego.  We cut ourselves off from others too.  Watch how kids live, and you will see.  The key to your freedom is right there.

How to beat Depression

My girlfriend was telling me about her friend's husband, and how he is really depressed. He hates his job, and he feels he has “nothing to live for.” How common is depression? The National Institute of Mental Health says that in any given year, 7% of the US adult population suffers from depression. Wow, that's depressing isn't it? Now that the economy is in the dumps, and more and more people are out of work and worried about their future, I'm sure the number of people feeling depressed has gone up.

So what causes depression? Is it all biochemical as many doctors seem to think? Do we just have some genetic abnormality which causes our brain to go off balance? Perhaps in some cases this is the reason, but I think that in the vast majority of cases the cause is in how we habitually think. I have noticed in myself that different mood states are caused by different kinds of thoughts. Positive thoughts make me a little high. They make me feel good. Negative thoughts make me feel down.

You can do an experiment and see for your self. Think of something which you feel really proud of. Maybe an accomplishment, or a possession. Maybe you got an award, or maybe you can remember being praised by your father or mother at some point. When you are thinking of this, notice how your body is feeling. You may notice that you feel kind of light, and buoyant. You feel good inside, and maybe you even have a smile on your face. Now, once that little mood has faded, do the opposite. Think of a negative thing that happened to you. Maybe the time you got fired from the job you tried so hard at, or when a former lover dumped you suddenly. Now notice how you are feeling. Its quite different than the first mood you induced isn't it? You may feel weak and sad. Your shoulders may being to droop and your face may grow slack.

If our moods are controlled by the levels of neurotransmitters in our brain (like serotonin and dopamine) then you have just manipulated those levels. Your thoughts have temporarily changed those levels. Thats an amazing thing to realize; that you can control your moods just by being aware of, and directing your thoughts.

Its amazing to think that our thoughts and our moods are linked. I've found that the link is a two way street. Thoughts bring on certain moods and those moods bring more of the same kinds of thoughts. When you feel depressed, negative thoughts come up more frequently. Some days are light and fun, and others seem to be dark and dismal. Is this because of good luck or bad luck? Is this because of how we are reacting to the events of our day? If that were all it was, then why do we sometimes wake up feeling depressed?

I think that the levels of neurotransmitters in our brain slowly changes in wave like patterns. Some days your up and some you're down. You might start the day up and end the day down. It does seem to be at least in part because of the events that happen to us during the day. Our day may start out good but after we get cut off in traffic and after we're late for work our mood may change. Fearful and aggressive thoughts seem to have a big effect on mood changes.

I believe that what is true in the body's biochemistry is also true in the brains biochemistry. The fact that our body works to maintain the levels of certain chemicals, or to keep them balanced, is a good indication that our brain works to do this too. There is a “set point” for the different chemicals that run our body and our mind. Glucose concentration has to be within a narrow range in order for us to stay alive. If it gets too low or too high we go into a coma. So our bodies have built in mechanisms which work to keep it in the range it needs to be. We get hungry when our glucose levels being to drop. Our cells divide more or store excess energy as fat when we have too much glucose in our blood. 

I believe the brain's neurotransmitters also have set points and work to maintain those set points. But I also believe that those set points can change. If a person eats a lot of sugar all day, every day for years and years the set point of their blood sugar level will change. Their body will get used to the elevated levels of glucose (glucose is the part of sugar that gets used by your cells for energy). In the same way, if you think negatively all day, every day, then eventually the set points of your neurotransmitters will change.

Whenever you think a negative thought, your serotonin levels go down. After the thought is over, it rises again. It comes back to its previous level. But if you think two negative thoughts, one right after another, it takes longer before the levels return to normal. Whenever you think negative thoughts, you push the levels down. If you are in the habit of thinking negatively, then you may be holding the levels down so much that they rarely have a chance to come back up. Eventually, your brain creates a new set point that is lower then the previous one. This is when your depression becomes your normal way being. Every day starts out dark and gloomy. If you continue to think negatively then eventually the set point level may even go lower. Your world gets ever darker.

Because our feelings are used as a source of evidence that our beliefs are “true”, then we often start truly believing that the world is “shit.” This belief then leads us to have more and more negative thoughts. We begin to notice all the things that are “wrong” with the world, and our sadness becomes an integral part of our being. It gets hard to get out of bed, or to do simple chores. Our energy levels go down. Our friends become concerned, and try to cheer us up, but their cheery words just seem fake and contrived to us. They aren't consistent with our belief that the world is shit. We may start hanging out with other depressed people and commiserate together which feels somehow good, because it validates our beliefs even more.

Eventually, we seek help. The psychiatrist prescribes a serotonin re-uptake inhibitor which increases the level of serotonin in our brain and we feel good again. What a miracle! A pill makes us feel good again. But our habitual thoughts stay with us. We are still in the habit of thinking negatively, and over time we push the seretonin set point back down. We realize that our world is dark again and we go back to the doc and say its not working anymore. They may up our dose or change to a more powerful drug. Eventually even these stop working, and the side effects are annoying too. Why take it if its not working? We may think that there is no point in continuing to take them so we stop. But when we do, the bottom drops out. Our levels drop really really low and we may even decide that the pain of life is not worth enduring. We may even commit suicide.

But the good news is, that it doesn't have to be this way. I repeat, it doesn't have to be this way!

How can you change it? Get into the habit of thinking positively. It can be easier said than done, but don't beat yourself up if you have a hard time thinking positively, because thats just another negative thought. Its OK to laugh at your self too. Why take ourselves and our lives so seriously anyway? Laughter is probably the best way to get out of thinking negative thoughts. Another practical method is to make 5 lists of 5 things that you are proud of or that you are happy about. Make one in the morning, one before lunch, one in the afternoon, one at dinner, and one before bed. Remember fun times, and know that there will be more fun times ahead. Feel pride in your accomplishments, and feel gratitude for the friends or loved ones in your life. Even something simple like appreciating the beautiful sunshine, can bring your mood back up. Over time you will get into the habit of thinking positively instead of negatively. You don't have to become a polyannic sap, or anything, but there is no need to be a curmudgeon either. The world is both good and bad and its all woven into a crazy plaid so why worry?

If you are really depressed already, it may be almost impossible to think positive thoughts, so it may be necessary to temporarily take some medication, but don't rely solely on those to cure you. Only you can cure you. It takes time and patience, and a good amount of awareness of your own thoughts.

Meditation is probably the best way to learn to become aware of your thoughts. Thats what you do when you mediate. You sit quietly, and observe your thoughts. The notion that your brain should be without thoughts is just another thought to be aware of. The important thing to remember is, observe your thoughts and your body's feelings from an objective standpoint. Remember that all thoughts are temporary and we all have the capacity to think a wide range of thoughts. We can think benevolent thoughts and malevolent thoughts. They come and go like clouds in the sky. Its not a big deal. We are not our thoughts. If you become alarmed that you are thinking thoughts that you think you shouldn't be thinking, then be aware that you are thinking that you shouldn't be thinking those thoughts. It actually can be pretty funny to see your own thoughts, if you don't take those thoughts as some indication that you are a fundamentally bad person or some other nonsense like that.

I can tell you with 100% certainty that you are a good person deep down. If you don't believe that we are all basically good, then hold a baby some day. Deep down we all have that at our core, and all the negative thoughts in the world can't change that. Deep down, you are basically good. There is no doubt. The Buddha saw this, even Jesus saw it too. Why else did he help whoever came to him? If you look for this in people you will see it too. Deep down we and all other living things are fundamentally beautiful, and its just our kooky beliefs and the many moods we have habitually built over the years that is obscuring it.

You can change your thoughts, but it will take time. How we think is habitual. To change a habit it takes patience and time, and most importantly persistence. “PTP” patience, time and persistence. That could be your new motto. Take it and run. :-)

The onion and the pain

I was talking with my good friend Nick, and the topic of inner pain came up.  We all seem to have inner pain.  Sometimes it only comes up when its triggered.  When someone calls you a stupid, you may get really really angry at them, but if someone called you a jerk, it would hurt a little, but you're emotions wouldn't turn into an instant tsunami of pain.  Often we get angry at the person who triggered our inner pain. Anger seems to be a common  self protection mechanism.

Why is this?  Why is it that the term stupid may get our gile up and other insults do not? You can fill in the blank. You know what triggers your pain.  I think our pain is triggered because it brings up memories of trauma from our past.  I think our personalities are  layered like an onion.  When we all start in life, we are like perfect little pearl onions.  As we grow, we add new layers to our onion, and we grow in sophistication. If at some point in our life we experience trauma like someone telling us how stupid we are because we flubbed up in kindergarten while reciting the ABCs.  This trauma is becomes a bruise to our young, tender onion layers.  When we are young, we usually don't have the broad perspective and emotional tools to deal with the pain of early trauma, so the bruise, (or tear) in our onion skin just gets covered over as we grow.  As we become adults we appear to have strong round outer onion skins but that inner bruise or damage is still there.  When someone pokes us in the right spot, we feel the pain again, and we react.  The reactions often make the pain worse, and create more pain.    Reactions like anger, or depression, or maybe even feeling sorry for ourselves are typical ways that our brain tries to deal with the pain. Often we blame the pain on outer circumstances. "I feel bad because they called me stupid!"

Again and again throughout our lives we feel the pain of that inner bruise, or that past trauma.  Suppressing the pain may be a way that we use to avoid feeling it.  Instead of dealing with the pain of the inner bruises, we often get really good at ignoring that pain.  We think that it is a sign of inner strength to not be outwardly affected by the inner pain.  We don't want to appear weak to others who respect us, so we stuff the pain down deep and pretend its not there.  We keep a "stiff upper lip" as the British say.  I think the notion that suppressing pain, as an effective way of dealing with it, is wrong.  Not that its morally wrong, or ethically wrong, but that it just doesn't work.

Many studies have been done, and the results show conclusively that suppressing and ignoring our inner pain, actually makes it grow.  Often, the pain is transformed into outer destructive action like harming oneself or harming others.  I think people who cut themselves are probably trying to suppress deep inner pain.  Another way of suppressing the pain is to self medicate.  People who are addicted to drugs and alcohol are often medicating themselves so they don't have to feel the pain.  I once met a man who had been sexually abused as a young child by a sibling, and felt a constant pain.  He wasn't even aware of that pain, until one evening when he took mdma (ecstacy). He was then temporarily free of the pain, and realized just how much pain he had been feeling all his life. He also realized that the pain was caused by the early childhood experience of being sexually abused. He actually remembered what had happened to him.  For years afterward, he self medicated and eventually found a prescription drug which alleviated that pain. I think it was Zanax, but I can't remember for sure.  He called this "a drug from god" because it took away his pain. Over time that drugs effectiveness grew weaker and weaker as all drugs seem to do. The side effects became harder and harder to deal with too.  Eventually he decided to stop taking all the drugs, and accept the pain. He slowly weaned himself off of these drugs.  He was in the midst of this pain when he revealed his story to us.  

If suppression doesn't work, and anger doesn't work, and drugs don't work, then what works?  Well, what I have found to really work in healing our inner pain, is completely opposite of what most of us do. It was the opposite of what I did for most of my life. What really seems to work is actually confronting the pain.  Not as in "I'm going to show you, you pain!" but more along the lines of accepting that the pain is what you are feeling at the moment it comes up, and just melting into it. Feel it as completely as possible.  Use the awareness of your body to feel what that inner pain is doing to you physically. Where is the pain located in your body, how do your muscles feel, how do your feet and legs feel, how does your abdomen feel?   Feel it as completely as possible without buying all the thoughts and stories that may pop into your head because of the pain.  Just stay with the pain, and if you can, forget that it is pain. Just try to see it as a total body sensation which you have never taken the time to really get to know.   Out of that curiosity,  be there to witness what is going on in your body right after your inner pain has risen to the surface. Don't blame the person who happened to say just the right thing which triggered you. Your pain is not because of them.  Just stand in courage like a warrior who is willing face the inner demons.  When you notice that you've been trying to convince yourself of some story line about the pain, or when you notice that you are getting angry at someone, just become more interested in the actual sensation that is coursing through your body.  Feel it fully as if it were the first time you ever felt anything like it.  Notice what happens when you stand tall and feel the pain. If you start to have tears come up, don't label yourself as weak. It is the opposite of weakness to feel your pain fully. Tears are a actually your way of healing the inner layers. Tears are actually a sign of your courage.  You have the heart of a true warrior, when you can feel the pain fully.

The most amazing thing happens when you do this practice.  As you become more and more adept at it, you begin to realize that the painful feelings need the stories and angry judgments to keep going. As you feel the feelings fully without judgments, without trying to "fix" or rid yourself of those feelings, then you realize that you really can feel those feelings. You also realize that the feelings aren't evidence that your entire life has failed, or that you are the victim of life's injustices.  You realize that the feelings are just feelings.  They may be hard to feel, but they are just feelings.  You really aren't in the immanent danger that you have always assumed you were when those feelings have come up in the past. Each time you feel those feelings fully, without believing the stories, you begin to notice that the feelings dissolve. They fade away.  If its very difficult to feel those feelings, then try taking deep long breaths while you are feeling them.  If you can only stay with those feelings a few seconds before being swept away by the beliefs that arise because of those feelings, then don't feel like a failure, and don't give it up.  The next time your pain arises, try again.

Over time, you will become more and more adept at the practice, and each time you stay with the strong feelings that arise, they will become weaker and weaker.  In time you will live in greater and greater peace and your pain will arise with less frequency. You may actually see the activation of your inner pain as a blessing.  Just as during world war II when the British air force was shooting down German planes faster than the Germans could make them, and they saw it as good fortune when an enemy plane came on a mission, you will see the arising of your inner pain as a blessing.  It will be an opportunity to work on that pain.  

One day, you will realize that you are no longer upset when someone pokes you in that same spot. You won't be upset when someone calls you stupid, or whatever it is that has triggered you.  Your inner bruises will be healed, and you will see that you are not a "loser" or a victim, or a failure.  Those stories were just as false as a rope being mistaken for a snake.  You might think a coiled rope is a snake because the room is dark, but when you turn the light on, you will see its harmless.  The same is true with your inner pain. When you shine the light of your own awareness on it, you will see that it has nothing to do with who you are.  You will realize that you can work through whatever comes up, and life will take on a whole new tone.  You will be able to finally rest in confidence and peace.

Inner Beliefs

Inner Beliefs

What is a belief? Think about it for a minute. Beliefs seem to be our attempts at understanding the world and ourselves. We are constantly trying to get a “handle” on our experiences; to put them into perspective. Its interesting how beliefs have so much power in this world. Its almost like beliefs are the glue that holds reality together.

Often our beliefs create our reality. If we believe that everyone hates us, then they probably will. If we believe we a are a good person, then thats what we'll be. If someone else believes we are a “jerk” then we may find that when we are around them, we behave like a jerk.

Beliefs are very powerful. They temporarily lock the ever flowing stream of life into a fixed state. The most important word in the previous sentence is 'temporarily'.

We cling to our beliefs very strongly sometimes. We feel great pain when our experience is not in line with our beliefs. When a person believes they are a “good” person and they find that they are yelling at their kids in anger, they worry that they might not really be “good”.

We get upset when someone doesn't behave the way we think they should. When we hear that our favorite politician has taken bribes from a big corporation, we get angry. We feel betrayed. Is our anger really rooted in their shortcomings, or is it rooted in the fear that our belief about them turned out to be inaccurate?

We rarely question our beliefs, especially the inner ones. Its much easier to think we “know” than the stand in the place of uncertainty. Think of how it feels when we are in the presence of an unpredictable person. Being around someone who is “crazy” is very unsettling. Being the new person at a party can be a little scary.

Beliefs are very useful. The belief that other drivers will drive on their side of the road is useful because it allows us to relax a little while we are driving. Would it be possible to navigate the world if we had no beliefs?

We rarely question our beliefs. How often do we ask, “Can I really know who that person is?” How often do we ask: “Can I really know who I am?” Scientists are trained to question their beliefs and the ones who discover the most are usually the ones who can suspend their beliefs. Scientists who think they 'know' how a phenomenon occurs, often inadvertently exclude or misinterpret evidence that is contrary to their beliefs. Their cup is full, and they leave no room for anything new to come in. The best scientists are the ones who can leave their cups empty. They are often energized by the process of discovery in the same way a child is energized by their curiosity. Curiosity is having an empty cup. The power of science is rooted in the suspension of belief that we 'know” how the world works.

As individuals, we hold onto many beliefs. Some we came to on our own, and others were handed down from family community and society. We are aware of some of these beliefs but the vast majority are hidden from our view. The ones which are hidden are often assumed to be true. We are attached to the 'truth' of these beliefs and work to keep them true.

These hidden beliefs are often the fuel that keeps our behavioral patterns running. For instance, when I was addicted to cigarettes I had a deep seated belief that smoking made me more free, just as it seemed to be an expression of the confidence and freedom that Humphrey Bogart had when he smoked in the many movies he made. Until I realized that this inner belief wasn't true, I habitually smoked. All the efforts of the people who warned me that smoking was bad for my health had no effect. I seemed to want to smoke more when they told me what I should be doing differently. Even when I tried to quit, I would have endless cravings and excuses and would inevitably start smoking again. Finally while meditating one day, I realized that smoking made me less free. This was more than a simple intellectual understanding. It was a deep understanding. It started out as an intellectual understanding and then over time, as I thought about it more and more, it sank in. Finally there was a kind of “ah-ha” moment, and I just knew. Once I realized down deep that smoking was not making me more free, it was very easy to quit. There were withdrawal symptoms, but those passed as quickly as a flu. Seven years have passed and during that time, I have only had two brief cravings for cigarettes.

Another example of a hidden belief that was the source of a behavioral pattern, was the belief that people would not like or respect me as I was. This inner belief caused great pain and suffering for me. Over the years, I developed many strategies to compensate of 'fix' the problem. I believed that I needed to fool people into respecting me, or I needed to earn their respect because they wouldn't otherwise. I became somewhat of a control freak and spent most of my mental energy doing what I call “scripting.” Scripting is the process of thinking of the best thing to say, or thinking of what would have been the best thing to say. The end result was that I was not a genuine person to most people. Especially those people in a position of power like teachers or beautiful women.

Ironically, my efforts to fix the problem actually made things worse. Often people didn't like or respect me. Perhaps this was because of that inner belief that I held. People often do what we expect from them, and if we expect them to not like us, they probably wont. Perhaps it was because I wasn't being genuine with them. Whatever the reason, I found myself trying harder to get their respect. I became an expert at many things and would often preach to people without even listening to them. I would often become arrogant and resentful. I felt like no one would listen to me. It was a cycle of suffering that was based on a deep inner belief that I was no good, that I was unlovable, and not worthy of respect. At the times I did actually get accolades for some work I had done, it would feel really uncomfortable for me. Probably because the event was inconsistent with the inner belief. I often became shy and longed to be alone where I could finally rest.

Luckily, the practice of meditating and watching my thoughts as well as contemplation and analysis of those thoughts helped me to bring that deep seated belief to the surface. At first I only understood it in an intellectual way, that this belief was the fuel for my patterns. I would still become shy if someone sent me a negative glance. But instead of simply doing the same old thing and climb into my shell, I began to stand up straight and feel the feelings in my body fully. I was genuinely curious what was happening. Over time, I began to realize deeply that the yucky intense feelings that arose when I went into shy mode, were not a signpost or indication that I was basically no good. Intellectually I knew that I was basically good, but my body didn't quite know it.

Every time I stood up straight and faced my fears, confidence grew. The inner belief began to break down and fall apart. How liberating it was to stand up straight and look someone in the eye when they were mad at me, or when they had apparently judged me harshly. How wonderful it is to know more and more that I am basically good. With this knowing, the scripting, and shyness and arrogance has all but disappeared. The confidence that I am basically good is a source of great peace in my heart, because there is nothing to fix anymore. I have learned to really listen to others and my care for them has grown immensely. How liberating it is to be a genuine person who doesn't need others favorable opinions to be at peace. Perhaps this knowing that I am basically good is just another inner belief, but at least its a positive believe instead of a negative one.

All this was possible because the inner belief was looked at and worked with. Meditation and contemplation can be the tools which help us to cut the root of our pain producing patterns, or in Buddhist terms, our neurotic patterns that keep us locked in samsara, (the cycle of suffering). I'm not sure if this is the process of cutting the root of samsara, or burning the seeds of karma, but I suspect it might be.

The Tibetan wheel of life is a pictorial representation of samsara. In the wheel of life, there are six pie shaped “realms” where beings can reside. These six realms are symbolic places which represent mindsets that people often live in, either briefly, or for their whole lives. The Six realms are The Human realm, the God realm, the Jealous god realm, the hungry ghost realm, the hell realm, and the animal realm. When people are locked into a particular mindset they have a particular view of the world. Their behavior stems from that view of belief. For instance, in the hell realm, people seem to believe that everyone hates them. They see the world as a dangerous place, and are constantly vigilant to defend themselves against attack. Because they have this inner belief that everyone hates them, many many people do. This is how they are creating their own suffering.

The Hungry ghost realm seems to be one marked by the inner belief that there is no way to be happy anymore. A person who loses a love might think that they can never be happy again and they hunger for the days when they were happy with their loved one.

The Jealous god realm seems to be marked by the notion that there are winners and there are losers in the world, and its all important to be a winner. So people who are fighting each other in wall street, or those trying desperately to climb the corporate ladder, are driven by the belief that they need to be a winner, or they need to be an accomplished person. This belief usually cuts them off from others and people in this mode of thought often have a difficult time finding love in their own heart. Eventually their victories are seen as hollow, and they are faced with the realization that they have wasted their time.

The God realm is one marked by bliss and contentment. Deep down they really believe that they are somehow blessed and deserve the happiness. This narcissism eventually brings them down as things fall apart. Everything eventually falls apart.

The human realm is one marked by dissatisfaction and a quest for the right experience which will bring happiness. People in the human realm are often driven to pick the best apple from the tree. The inner belief here seems to be that happiness comes from outside ourselves.

The Animal realm is marked by ignorance. Not the kind of ignorance that means lack of knowledge, but the kind which drives a person to not look because of the fear that things will change. People locked in the animal realm seem to be driven by the belief that survival is everything. They ignore so much, because they need their world to stay safe and predictable. Change is feared just as death is feared.

Well all spend time in the different realms, sometimes flipping from one to another in a matter of minutes. All these patterns of behavior seem to be rooted in inner beliefs that are hidden from us. We ignore them. These beliefs are the ground of our existence at times, and looking at them deeply, and working with them is scary.

If you are tormented by your own patterns, I recommend that you look for patterns in your own thoughts. When you find a pattern, sit with that knowledge and see if any ideas pop up which could explain why you have those thoughts. Test your hypothesis if you can. See if you can crystallize your understanding of the patterns and come to an understanding of the inner belief behind them.

Be gentle with yourself in the same way you would be with a best friend. You don't need to be perfect any more than your best friend needs to be, or anyone else for that matter. Be curious about yourself. Curiosity may have killed the cat, but it wont kill you. Curiosity is different from trying to fix a problem. Being curious comes from a place of not knowing whats going on. Be patient with yourself. Samsaric patterns took a long time to grow in you, and will take a while to fully see through.

It has been said that all beliefs are ultimately empty of real meaning, but this is not knowable in your heart until you look closely at your inner beliefs one at a time.

Knowing who we are

We care so much about what people think of us.  We all do, .... well mostly.  We seem to rely on others opinions of us, and I think this is because we are fundamentally unsure about who we are.  We may think we know who we are, but deep down, there are most likely doubts.  Even doubts that have not made themselves known yet.  We look to others to let us know we are good, and lovable, and basically OK.  We are always slightly afraid that we might not be, because we all know we have the potential to do horrible things, so when someone else loves you, its kind of a relief.  Deep down we probably say, “Phew!  I guess maybe I am lovable after all.”  

We don't know if we are or not.  Its a kind of doubt.  Its an uncertainty of who we really are.   Many people ask that question all their lives.  They try out different occupations, accumulate things, and are proud of those things.  We are constantly searching for the thing, or person which will complete us. We define, or attempt to define, ourselves throughout almost our whole lives.   Even on our death bed we look back at our lives to prove to ourselves that we were a good person.     

When people think good thoughts about us, and seem to accept us for who we are, we are much more likely to accept them for who they are.   Friendships are usually possible when two people trust each other. The more they trust each other, the deeper the friendship can be.    People we don't understand, we generally don't trust, and so we often have a hard time becoming friends with people who are very different from ourselves.  People who are similar to us, are easy to be around, and more easily trusted, and so are allowed to become our friends.  We allow them inside our hearts more easily.  

The people who's opinions we don't care about are usually people we have cognitively put below us. We have judged them harshly.  Even if we do put them above us, we still have separated ourselves from them.  We have judged them as someone to be wary of in some way.  The people we have judged, are the people we put on the other side of the fence that surrounds our heart.   We only let some people inside that fence if we don't feel threatened by them, and trust them. The people we bring inside, are usually people we trust not to judge us.   Some people don't let hardly anyone inside.  They seem to have a closed door policy with just about everyone. These are usually very lonely people.  Some seem to let many others in.  Its like they have an open door policy, but with at least one house rule. No negative judgments are allowed.   

When someone on the inside,  does something mean to us, and lets us know they have made a negative judgment on us, then we really feel hurt.  It causes that underlying fear to arise. The fear that we might not be OK after all.  Maybe we really are a loser, or a jerk, or... you fill in the label.  There are a million labels we can give ourselves.  We feel bad about ourselves. Its literally painful to think that you are no good.  Real physical pain will arise from our chest.  The pain seems like tangible evidence that you are no good.  Much like the pain we feel when we touch a hot stove lets us know that there is danger, and we believe it.    So too, we believe that we are no good because we are feeling the pain of being judged harshly.   

Have you ever looked at that belief? Have you really looked at it deeply?  If you have, you have probably seen that the pain arises in response to the emotional pain you are experiencing in your head.  The emotional pain, becomes the physical pain.  So, if the pain is not from the outside, then why do we think that it really means anything?  Why do we use it as a confirmation that the belief about ourselves is true?  
Oddly enough, I've found that once you believe something like, “I'm no good, “  then the pain inside comes, you use that as evidence and believe more strongly that you are no good, and this adds to the pain. More pain, brings a more strongly held belief, which brings more pain. Its a cycle of escalating pain, both physically and mentally.  This is real suffering.  Suffering like this can leave a deep scar.  An emotional and psychological scar.  A memory of emotions which can become reactivated in a similar situation.  A trauma which we often hide, even from ourselves.  If we are emotionally scarred during our childhood, then we usually end up reliving that pain over and over again throughout our life.  Whenever the memories are triggered, we descend into this pain.  Sometimes we end up believing the negative belief about ourselves even more deeply, and our life becomes more and more dark. We become depressed, or we perhaps become a criminal, or we have a complete psychological breakdown, or we just go through life feeling really shy and sad and lonely.   This is what we do to ourselves when we believe the inner negative beliefs.   

This suffering doesn't have to happen. And if it happens it doesn't have to make a scar. It doesn't have to bring you further into doubt about who you are, and it doesn't have to drive you crazy.  There is a way to cut right through this propensity to inflict psychological harm on ourselves.   You don't need any special candles or incense. You don't even need to say any special incantations.    All you need to do, is question the belief.  “Do I know that this is so?”  How can this be true?  The only real evidence that this might be true, is the opinion of someone who was probably having a bad day.  And what if there is other evidence? What if you really did do something horrible?  Don't you also have the potential to do good things too?  How could you be bad and still have the potential to do good things?  Selfless things, like changing a dirty diaper in the middle of the night, or sitting with a friend who is feeling down.  There are so many things we have the potential to do. How can we use that as real evidence to support our negative belief about ourselves?  How can we know who we really are?  This unfortunately, can not be answered by words.  Its a knowing that each and every one of us has to find on our own.   Many never do come to know their true nature.  Others may think they know, but really don't.  They may define themselves in many ways using objects or accomplishments, or gender, or occupation, or their power over others. Even their misdeeds can be used to define who they are in a cognitive way.  But even when people think they know who they are in an intellectual way,  do they really know?    I believe that true knowing, can only happen in the heart.  

One way you can get a glimpse of your true inner nature, is to hold an infant, or a puppy.  How can a puppy be evil?  Even if he grows up to bite the hand that feeds him, how can the puppy be basically bad?  How can a baby be basically bad?  I doubt anyone could hold an infant and think that that baby is evil.  Perhaps this could happen, but it seems like it would be very rare.   

So what is the true nature of an infant. Who are they?  Are they nothing?  No, they are definitely not nothing.  Think about it. Try to remember how you felt when you held a puppy or an infant.  What do you remember?  What did it feel like deep down. Did you feel your heart stir with a light kind of joy?  Did you love that puppy unconditionally?  Did you see the glowing beauty of the infant?  A type of glowing that only your heart could sense?  

That is who you really are.  Underneath all the made up stuff about who we are, we are basically good.   When you know that, without a doubt, then you will be in a peace that reaches to the very bottom of your being.   You will realize that there is no need for life to get better. There is no need to defend yourself against psychological attacks, because what you are can not be changed, or ruined, or permanently stained in any way.   When you fully realize that there is no need to “be” anybody, then you will be free. Free from the suffering. The suffering which has pervaded our lives for a long long time. 

When you realize, intellectually that you can't be basically bad, then all you have to do when your painful memories are activated, is to remind yourself of that.  Ask yourself... How can this be true?  Deep inside, I am just like everyone else. I was a beautiful, infant at one time, and that inner core is still there.  Negative thoughts, or deeds, can not change that. They may temporarily cover that up, but underneath, the bright light of our life force is still shining.    

I believe we are like onions. We have layers.  When we are young, we are like a perfect little glowing pearl of an onion.  As we grow, we add more and more layers.  Sometimes a layer gets bruised or torn, and if we don't have the emotional tools, we just cover that broken layer up with a new layer.  These damaged layers are the source of our pain.    

Oddly enough, it is because of this pain that we are motivated to seek answers about who we are.  Its because of this pain, that we seek to find a way out of it. Most of the time, our solutions don't work.  For instance, one way of avoiding the pain of other's negative judgments, is to judge them first.  But when we do this, we often get hurt anyway, because they are more likely to judge us negatively, if we judged them first.  And although we may say that we don't care what they think, deep down we do.  Think about a time when you were hurt from someone who you just passed on the street, and gave you a dirty look for no apparent reason.  Intellectually we probably didn't care about them at all, and yet we still felt bad.  So, our solution of protecting ourselves by judging them harshly first, doesn't work. It actually causes us pain.  There are many more examples of neurotic patterns that are really dysfunctional. Our strategies just don't work. They don't really protect us from pain, and in fact often cause pain when none was coming.    Look at your own patterns and see if you can find any that  don't work.  I think that we learn these pain relieving and protective techniques when we are little children, so its no wonder that they often don't work, and often increase the pain in our lives.  

Once you've found a pattern, stop yourself, and ask... How can I know this is really true?  How can I know who that person is?  How can I really say that they are a jerk?  Are they always a jerk or just sometimes?  If they are not always a jerk, then what are they?  Can I really know?  Questioning your judgment and beliefs is very important. If you look into it with a patient, non-judgmental eye, (in other words, the eye of curiosity), then you will eventually learn, more and more thoroughly that just about everything is not really true.  They really aren't a total jerk. Maybe they have the potential to be a jerk, and maybe we don't want to be their friend, but they aren't really a real, total jerk.  We can't really know what they are.  Even if we live with someone for 40 years, you probably don't know who  they are completely.  You may think you do, but chances are they will surprise you someday.  This is because we aren't a fixed “thing” We are constantly changing, and any definition is temporary and incomplete.  

Once you realize that other people can't really be known, then no judgment you place on them will really be believable.  You have to believe your thoughts in order for them to be effective.  If you call your friend a jerk, and you don't believe it, then they will probably know that as well, and they won't believe it either. You'll both probably laugh and the judgment will have no effect. It will have no power in this world. 

Once you can see that your judgments and conclusions are empty of real meaning, then you begin to see as well that other's judgments of you are empty of any real meaning.   Once you see this thoroughly, then you realize that there is no need to defend yourself anymore.  You can stand in front of someone who is pointing their finger at you with a menacing sneer, and you will be unaffected, except maybe that you feel bad that they are believing their thoughts and judgments which is causing them pain.  

You begin to know more and more who you really are.  You get closer to the truth of the matter.  Your doubt shrinks. Along with the peace, comes the realization that you might as well bring everybody over to this side of the fence which has surrounded your heart for so long.   There is no reason not to.  

Interestingly, when you begin to accept more and more people into your heart, and you begin to give more and more people respect, then you begin to have many friends, and you are almost never lonely.   Fewer and fewer people treat you badly.  Fewer and fewer people judge you and want to hurt you.  You can become connected to others in a very deep way. You beging to see their inner beauty which is shining just as brightly as it did when they were a newborn.  Even if they act like a jerk, you still can't help but to see that light.  You know more and more thoroughly just how much you are really connected to everyone else.  

You realize that you are as connected to all life as the cells in your body are connected to you.  You begin to be careful of all living things. Their pain is your pain, their joy is your joy.  When they need something, you want to help, when you need something you are willing to let them help you.  You are connected to the life force energy of the universe, and you could never have imagined how wonderful that would be.

That is Nirvana. That is heaven.  To know that what you are is basic goodness and  that you are connected to all other life, and this is true freedom.  You will realize that the old you no longer exists. Or at least you no longer believe in it the way you did.  You will realize that your old self was empty of any real existence.  

Who you really are can not be separated from the rest of life, or even the rest of the world.   You will realize that life is a continuously flowing process like water in a water fall.  The waterfall can appear to be a solid wall of water, but if you look closely enough, it is just a process. There is a movement and a flow to it, but it is not really a solid thing.  You will realize that this is the true nature of life, and that death is as necessary as birth.  All dread and fear of death will subside.  You will realize that there is no real death.  Just change.  You will realize that death leads to birth just as birth leads to death. Nothing is lost. Its all spontaneously arising, and falling away, like waves on the ocean.  

There is no direction or outer meaning to it all except that through the process of continuous change, the universe has become aware of itself through the mind you used to think was yours.