Inner Beliefs

Inner Beliefs

What is a belief? Think about it for a minute. Beliefs seem to be our attempts at understanding the world and ourselves. We are constantly trying to get a “handle” on our experiences; to put them into perspective. Its interesting how beliefs have so much power in this world. Its almost like beliefs are the glue that holds reality together.

Often our beliefs create our reality. If we believe that everyone hates us, then they probably will. If we believe we a are a good person, then thats what we'll be. If someone else believes we are a “jerk” then we may find that when we are around them, we behave like a jerk.

Beliefs are very powerful. They temporarily lock the ever flowing stream of life into a fixed state. The most important word in the previous sentence is 'temporarily'.

We cling to our beliefs very strongly sometimes. We feel great pain when our experience is not in line with our beliefs. When a person believes they are a “good” person and they find that they are yelling at their kids in anger, they worry that they might not really be “good”.

We get upset when someone doesn't behave the way we think they should. When we hear that our favorite politician has taken bribes from a big corporation, we get angry. We feel betrayed. Is our anger really rooted in their shortcomings, or is it rooted in the fear that our belief about them turned out to be inaccurate?

We rarely question our beliefs, especially the inner ones. Its much easier to think we “know” than the stand in the place of uncertainty. Think of how it feels when we are in the presence of an unpredictable person. Being around someone who is “crazy” is very unsettling. Being the new person at a party can be a little scary.

Beliefs are very useful. The belief that other drivers will drive on their side of the road is useful because it allows us to relax a little while we are driving. Would it be possible to navigate the world if we had no beliefs?

We rarely question our beliefs. How often do we ask, “Can I really know who that person is?” How often do we ask: “Can I really know who I am?” Scientists are trained to question their beliefs and the ones who discover the most are usually the ones who can suspend their beliefs. Scientists who think they 'know' how a phenomenon occurs, often inadvertently exclude or misinterpret evidence that is contrary to their beliefs. Their cup is full, and they leave no room for anything new to come in. The best scientists are the ones who can leave their cups empty. They are often energized by the process of discovery in the same way a child is energized by their curiosity. Curiosity is having an empty cup. The power of science is rooted in the suspension of belief that we 'know” how the world works.

As individuals, we hold onto many beliefs. Some we came to on our own, and others were handed down from family community and society. We are aware of some of these beliefs but the vast majority are hidden from our view. The ones which are hidden are often assumed to be true. We are attached to the 'truth' of these beliefs and work to keep them true.

These hidden beliefs are often the fuel that keeps our behavioral patterns running. For instance, when I was addicted to cigarettes I had a deep seated belief that smoking made me more free, just as it seemed to be an expression of the confidence and freedom that Humphrey Bogart had when he smoked in the many movies he made. Until I realized that this inner belief wasn't true, I habitually smoked. All the efforts of the people who warned me that smoking was bad for my health had no effect. I seemed to want to smoke more when they told me what I should be doing differently. Even when I tried to quit, I would have endless cravings and excuses and would inevitably start smoking again. Finally while meditating one day, I realized that smoking made me less free. This was more than a simple intellectual understanding. It was a deep understanding. It started out as an intellectual understanding and then over time, as I thought about it more and more, it sank in. Finally there was a kind of “ah-ha” moment, and I just knew. Once I realized down deep that smoking was not making me more free, it was very easy to quit. There were withdrawal symptoms, but those passed as quickly as a flu. Seven years have passed and during that time, I have only had two brief cravings for cigarettes.

Another example of a hidden belief that was the source of a behavioral pattern, was the belief that people would not like or respect me as I was. This inner belief caused great pain and suffering for me. Over the years, I developed many strategies to compensate of 'fix' the problem. I believed that I needed to fool people into respecting me, or I needed to earn their respect because they wouldn't otherwise. I became somewhat of a control freak and spent most of my mental energy doing what I call “scripting.” Scripting is the process of thinking of the best thing to say, or thinking of what would have been the best thing to say. The end result was that I was not a genuine person to most people. Especially those people in a position of power like teachers or beautiful women.

Ironically, my efforts to fix the problem actually made things worse. Often people didn't like or respect me. Perhaps this was because of that inner belief that I held. People often do what we expect from them, and if we expect them to not like us, they probably wont. Perhaps it was because I wasn't being genuine with them. Whatever the reason, I found myself trying harder to get their respect. I became an expert at many things and would often preach to people without even listening to them. I would often become arrogant and resentful. I felt like no one would listen to me. It was a cycle of suffering that was based on a deep inner belief that I was no good, that I was unlovable, and not worthy of respect. At the times I did actually get accolades for some work I had done, it would feel really uncomfortable for me. Probably because the event was inconsistent with the inner belief. I often became shy and longed to be alone where I could finally rest.

Luckily, the practice of meditating and watching my thoughts as well as contemplation and analysis of those thoughts helped me to bring that deep seated belief to the surface. At first I only understood it in an intellectual way, that this belief was the fuel for my patterns. I would still become shy if someone sent me a negative glance. But instead of simply doing the same old thing and climb into my shell, I began to stand up straight and feel the feelings in my body fully. I was genuinely curious what was happening. Over time, I began to realize deeply that the yucky intense feelings that arose when I went into shy mode, were not a signpost or indication that I was basically no good. Intellectually I knew that I was basically good, but my body didn't quite know it.

Every time I stood up straight and faced my fears, confidence grew. The inner belief began to break down and fall apart. How liberating it was to stand up straight and look someone in the eye when they were mad at me, or when they had apparently judged me harshly. How wonderful it is to know more and more that I am basically good. With this knowing, the scripting, and shyness and arrogance has all but disappeared. The confidence that I am basically good is a source of great peace in my heart, because there is nothing to fix anymore. I have learned to really listen to others and my care for them has grown immensely. How liberating it is to be a genuine person who doesn't need others favorable opinions to be at peace. Perhaps this knowing that I am basically good is just another inner belief, but at least its a positive believe instead of a negative one.

All this was possible because the inner belief was looked at and worked with. Meditation and contemplation can be the tools which help us to cut the root of our pain producing patterns, or in Buddhist terms, our neurotic patterns that keep us locked in samsara, (the cycle of suffering). I'm not sure if this is the process of cutting the root of samsara, or burning the seeds of karma, but I suspect it might be.

The Tibetan wheel of life is a pictorial representation of samsara. In the wheel of life, there are six pie shaped “realms” where beings can reside. These six realms are symbolic places which represent mindsets that people often live in, either briefly, or for their whole lives. The Six realms are The Human realm, the God realm, the Jealous god realm, the hungry ghost realm, the hell realm, and the animal realm. When people are locked into a particular mindset they have a particular view of the world. Their behavior stems from that view of belief. For instance, in the hell realm, people seem to believe that everyone hates them. They see the world as a dangerous place, and are constantly vigilant to defend themselves against attack. Because they have this inner belief that everyone hates them, many many people do. This is how they are creating their own suffering.

The Hungry ghost realm seems to be one marked by the inner belief that there is no way to be happy anymore. A person who loses a love might think that they can never be happy again and they hunger for the days when they were happy with their loved one.

The Jealous god realm seems to be marked by the notion that there are winners and there are losers in the world, and its all important to be a winner. So people who are fighting each other in wall street, or those trying desperately to climb the corporate ladder, are driven by the belief that they need to be a winner, or they need to be an accomplished person. This belief usually cuts them off from others and people in this mode of thought often have a difficult time finding love in their own heart. Eventually their victories are seen as hollow, and they are faced with the realization that they have wasted their time.

The God realm is one marked by bliss and contentment. Deep down they really believe that they are somehow blessed and deserve the happiness. This narcissism eventually brings them down as things fall apart. Everything eventually falls apart.

The human realm is one marked by dissatisfaction and a quest for the right experience which will bring happiness. People in the human realm are often driven to pick the best apple from the tree. The inner belief here seems to be that happiness comes from outside ourselves.

The Animal realm is marked by ignorance. Not the kind of ignorance that means lack of knowledge, but the kind which drives a person to not look because of the fear that things will change. People locked in the animal realm seem to be driven by the belief that survival is everything. They ignore so much, because they need their world to stay safe and predictable. Change is feared just as death is feared.

Well all spend time in the different realms, sometimes flipping from one to another in a matter of minutes. All these patterns of behavior seem to be rooted in inner beliefs that are hidden from us. We ignore them. These beliefs are the ground of our existence at times, and looking at them deeply, and working with them is scary.

If you are tormented by your own patterns, I recommend that you look for patterns in your own thoughts. When you find a pattern, sit with that knowledge and see if any ideas pop up which could explain why you have those thoughts. Test your hypothesis if you can. See if you can crystallize your understanding of the patterns and come to an understanding of the inner belief behind them.

Be gentle with yourself in the same way you would be with a best friend. You don't need to be perfect any more than your best friend needs to be, or anyone else for that matter. Be curious about yourself. Curiosity may have killed the cat, but it wont kill you. Curiosity is different from trying to fix a problem. Being curious comes from a place of not knowing whats going on. Be patient with yourself. Samsaric patterns took a long time to grow in you, and will take a while to fully see through.

It has been said that all beliefs are ultimately empty of real meaning, but this is not knowable in your heart until you look closely at your inner beliefs one at a time.