The Fixed Self, and the Freedom of Humility

When we grow up, we are uncertain who we are, and so we try on different hats. Maybe we tried a fireman's hat, or a cowboys hat or a nurses hat, or any number of other simple identities. We felt compelled to explore who we might be. We felt compelled to figure out our place in the world and "who" we should be. We felt the need to figure out our place in the world and our purpose. There was a fundamental uncertainty about our identity, and that uncertainty made us uncomfortable.

Later the hats we tried on were more intangible then our possible future professions. We began to seek out knowledge about who we were internally. We might have come to conclusions such as "I am a popular person." or "I am the fastest runner", or "nobody likes me" which is the same as saying, "I am unlikable." All these beliefs either grew into identities or were discarded depending on the evidence which accumulated. If we got beat in a race, we could no longer believe we were the fastest runner.If we thought we were smart and then flunked math we might have to discard that belief and conclude we were not smart. How painful it was to get evidence which invalidated our belief about who we thought we were.

Later we began to draw even more subtle conclusions about who we were; like: "I am smart in spelling but not in math.", or "I am a fast runner, but not the fastest." If you've ever raised kids, you may recall there is a time when they become fascinated with progressions of words like fast, faster, fastest, smart, smarter, smartest.  This is an important part of human development. I think its related to our drive to nail down who we think we are. This process is the development of ego.   Its a process that's probably still going on to this day. Its not a bad process, its a necessary one, but it is one that, in the end will create a lot of suffering. Its a process which doesn't end, until we realize on a very fundamental level that we are not a fixed entity.

This process of searching for who we are, slowly subsides as our beliefs about who we think we are become more deeply believed. When we deeply believe we know who we are, the tendency to accept new evidence which contradicts our belief diminishes.  If we firmly believe we are unlikable, then we tend to disregard our experiences where people are nice to us as either an anomaly, or we attribute their behavior as a fault in them. "If they really knew me, they wouldn't like me."

Hidden in every negative self belief, is the hope for the positive counterpart.  Hidden in every positive self belief is the fear of its counterpart being true. "What if I am really a geek after all?"  This is why we tend to avoid those who criticize us, or we discredit their opinions by judging them harshly. "They are such assholes for judging me like that!"   We have a strong tendency to protect our self image by a variety of techniques such as judgments, avoidance.  Ignoring people, evidence and circumstances which contradict our fixed sense of self is a habit that becomes second nature.  One huge tendency is to deny and ignore.

The word "fixed" seems to be the crux of it. To "know" anything with the mind, we need to find a pattern. (There is another kind of knowing, but the one referred to here is knowing with the mind.) Once the pattern is "known" it becomes solid like water which finds its way to the cup of an ice cube tray and solidifies in the freezer of our mind. All or at least most of our reality consists of solid patterns which we believe in completely. "That's the way it is."  Our belief about who we are becomes just as solid as the ice cube in the tray.

The problem with this way of seeing the world and ourselves is that the evidence says things are not solid and fixed.  Whenever we are so sure we know who we "really" are,  we are usually in for a big shock. Life has a way of disproving our assumptions in the most painful ways. The valedictorian who flunks out of college, the successful businessperson who loses their wealth in a stock crash. The "loser" who finds the love of their life.

Why is it so upsetting when our beliefs are challenged and overturned?  When we have a positive belief about ourselves which is upset by the evidence of life, there is a short gap where we don't know who we are. This uncomfortable space is usually filled quickly.  What fills that gap is often the hidden belief which had been hoped for or had been dreaded.   Either way, it can be very uncomfortable if not downright terrifying. The person who doesn't believe that anyone would acknowledge their talents is usually very awkward and fidgety when they have to step up the podium to accept the big award.  The valedictorian who flunks out of college may become depressed when they label themselves as a "failure".

As people enter middle age, they can become more flexible in how they see themselves. (not all do unfortunately)  They can begin to realize that, who they really are has little to do with what they have or what they have accomplished.  People who realize this find out that this kind of "knowing" is an illusion, and is the source of great drama and eventual disillusionment.  People who stop playing the game of needing an identity or continually try to prove themselves to the world, seem somehow more peaceful.  They no longer need to be "right" all the time. They no longer have to pursue activities which keep them in the office late at night every night. They can relax on their front porch and enjoy the birds at the feeder.  They are much more at peace with themselves. This is not because they finally found out "who" they really are, its because they finally realized just how ridiculous the whole process has been. They realize that they can never really "know" themselves anyway.  They finally give in to the fact that they are fundamentally fluid.  They realize that they have the potential to do positive and negative things. They realize that there is the potential for success and failure, to be loved and hated, to be smart and stupid. They also realize that none of those outer pieces of evidence can cause them to be permanently solidified into a definable "thing."  When a person realizes that they are really water, and not an ice cube then the effort required to maintain the deep freeze can end. Its liberating when a person realizes that all that effort is not needed. All the emotional and physical energy spent over the years trying, at first, to find, and then later to defend the solid belief about the self is seen through.

When a person realizes that they really didn't need to "be" anybody, they are free. This is both exhilarating and humbling. To find true humility is not a denigrating experience, it is a liberating one.

Loving Kindness

What would you do if you heard a whimpering puppy in a dumpster?

I'll bet you would pull it out and take it home and give it a warm bath and some tasty food and call all your friends and write about it on facebook, and hold it in your lap and swoon. :-)  When it pooped on your rug you would probably clean it up forgivingly, and smile.  

Why?    Why would you do that?  From a selfish point of view, it makes no sense.  Luckily... most of us aren't completely consumed by the selfish point of view.  Luckily our compassion shines though and we can see the beauty in others. Others are really really beautiful you know.  Its so powerful if you ever see it fully. Its more than just knee shaking.  We usually won't allow ourselves to see that though.  We judge and label, and ignore.  Its all habits that we adopt to protect ourselves. It doesn't mean we are "bad."   I would even go so far as to say that there is no such thing as a "bad" person, just severely deluded ones.

Loving kindness is one of the "Four Immeasurables."  A teaching of the Buddha which I've found very helpful to contemplate.  These are: Compassion, Sympathetic Joy, Equanimity, and Loving Kindness.  The four immeasurables are all aspects of what is called "Bodhichitta".  Its a term that refers to what we see when we are totally open hearted.  It really points to what we might call "connection", however the word "connection" connotates separation and full bodhichitta is the realization that there is no separation.  This is the source of our compassion, our love, our being.  It is more who we are than we could even imagine.  When you see the light that is our core, you will know what true beauty is.  I saw it once briefly, and it is truely dazzling and beyond words.

One thing that I always found interesting about loving kindness is how its different than the other three immeasurables in that its not passive.  It refers to an action.  Wiping the nose of our 6 year old as they come in for a bowl of hot soup we made just for them.  This is loving kindness.  Its a deep caring that at least temporarily helps us to forget ourselves.  Equanimity, or seeing others as equals, is kind of passive.  At least it seemed to be originally.  It seemed more like a frame of mind than loving kindness. The same is true of Compassion, which is feeling the pain of others,  and sympathetic joy, which is feeling the joy of others.  It seemed strange to me somehow that loving kindness was an action and the other three were states of mind.  But now I realize that all are states of mind and actions too.  It really can't be any other way because they really are aspects of something much deeper, much more profound.  These "pointers" not only give us a clue as to what goes beyond this life, they also give us a clue as to who we really are.  The words "who" and "really" don't really fit, but I can't think of what words to use.  How can one feel great compassion for another without also seeing them as equals and feeling moved to help in some way?  How can you see someone as your equal and not feel joy when they win the big game?  Its like you are a fellow team mate and their win is your win.

What state of mind is loving kindness?  Are the actions separate from the care which caused the actions?  How could they be?  There are many ways our mind of separateness can hijack the state/process of loving kindness. Doing a kind act out of pity is a classic example of how our egos maintain our separateness.  Feeling resentful that we didn't get recognized for our kind act, is another way our ego can jump in and "save the day" and help us survive our almost certain dissolution. If we don't get anything out of our act of compassion, then was it really a waste of time?  I think our egos work hard to keep us separate because we are afraid of death and dissolution.  But, is it dissolution or is disillusion that we so automatically fear?  Will we really dissolve into nothing if we open our hearts completely?  No... Our Buddha nature or basic goodness can not be destroyed, only the illusion of self.  How could breaking down the wall around our hearts be such a bad thing to do when it can be so healing, not only for others but for ourselves too.

Forgiveness is really an act of loving kindness. Maybe one of the most important kinds.  Forgiving yourself and having loving kindness toward yourself can be one of the most important healing processes possible.  When you are at peace with yourself you are closer to others. This is why true compassion for the self is not really that different than true compassion for others.  The mind that says: "I should be more compassionate towards others."  isn't really being compassionate towards itself.  It seems like a good thing to do.  Driving ourself toward being something "better" and "higher" and all that, but it can be just another way our ego is keeping us separate. .Breaking the illusion of separateness is the process of finding peace in oneself because it requires that you forgive yourself and accept yourself and hold your tender heart in the arms of loving kindness. It isn't really "your" loving kindness. It isn't really "your" love at all. Its the love that we all are at our core and it is not separate. Being arrogant is not having loving kindness towards yourself, its a process of reinforcing your inner belief that you aren't good enough as you are.  Its easy to confuse arrogance with loving kindness towards yourself.  Thats why forgiveness is important to have. I suppose it is possible to be arrogant in your forgiveness of yourself, but it would be pretty silly.  So if you find that you are being arrogant, then forgive yourself for that and know its not really important to be perfect. Its more important to be at peace with yourself.

You can't have much loving kindness towards others until you first have it for yourself.  Some of the most powerful transformations I've had, have been bringing that love in to my own heart and realizing on a very visceral level that I'm OK after all. This is the process of letting go of beliefs about the self, and seeing the self from a broader perspective.   Did you ever notice how the people who are the most helpful seem to be the most quiet, or the most at peace?  Its remarkable when you see it.  

So, if you want to see more love in your life, then learn to recognize the many ways in which you keep yourself separate from others.  Beating yourself up in your quest to be someone you're not, is one way we keep ourselves separate.  Protecting our notion of who we are is another way.  This is why we can have loving kindness for a dog or cat when it is much harder for a stranger, because dogs and cats can't make judgments on us.  Falling in love with a sexual partner is a way we can have an open heart toward them as long as they don't break the unspoken "contract" and start judging us harshly.  Nothing ruins a relationship faster than judging your partner harshly or being judged by them.

Warding off fear is another way we close our hearts towards others. An example of this is denigrating victims, such as when we say "they deserved to break their leg because they should have been wearing their seat belt." The unspoken corollary is that won't happen to us because we wear our seat belts.

So many ways the ego separates.  Its very creative and works constantly to separate us.  Thats what it evolved to do. The ego is not the enemy by the way. We would have little chance of freedom without it.  The whole deal is to see it for what it is, and through seeing the emptiness of the belief of self, you will come to know the real you.  The you which has been there all along.

A favorite spiritual quote came from a teacher named Thadeous Golus.  He said: "Love your self no matter what. Even if you hate what you just said or did, love yourself for hating it."  I think what he was saying was, hold your heart in the arms of loving kindness. The same way you would a child who is crying in the pain of failure.  A failure which seems so huge to them but which you know is really not that important.  The broad perspective of emptiness can be the root of the loving heart of forgiveness.  Is this what the Buddha meant when he taught of the joining of wisdom and compassion?  I think it is.  This is where healing happens both for you and for the world.  

The Four Noble Truths

The four noble truths is the very first teaching that the Buddha gave after he became liberated.  He basically taught that Life is marked by suffering; Suffering has a cause; There is a way to escape the suffering, and the noble eightfold path is a way to escape it.

Many people think Buddhism is a negative spiritual path because it talks about suffering so much.  I've heard some people comment that they don't suffer that much, that their life is pretty good, so why would they want to listen to all this talk about suffering?  Its negative, and depressing, and aren't there enough depressing things in the world? Why not talk about the bliss of Nirvana, or the rapture of heaven?  The reason why the Buddha's first teaching was about suffering was because he was just being honest.  He saw very clearly just how much we are all suffering, and he saw what the root of that suffering was. He realized that the place to start was to admit with complete honesty, exactly where we are as humans.  He wasn't saying that 100% of our existence was suffering. He wasn't complaining or commiserating about this fact of life, he was pointing it out clearly so that there would be a starting point based in honest clarity.  Just like at an AA meeting people stand, state their name and then say: "I am an alcoholic"  They don't say that because they are asking for pity, or help from some government agency. They state that because they have come to realize that starting from a place of clear honesty is the only way to escape the cycle of suffering they have created for themselves.

When the Buddha became free of his ego, he realized very deeply that there are three types of suffering.  The first type he called the suffering of pain. We all know what this one is.  When we stub our toe, it hurts.  When we walk outside in the winter our hands may ache with the pain of being cold.  Our brains have evolved to let us know when there is a problem with our bodies.  If our hand hurts, the organism needs to know it.  If we are hungry, we need to eat. If we are cold, we need to seek out warmth. If we are sick, we need to seek help, or at least lay down, so our body can use its energy reserves to fight the illness.  We feel the suffering of pain because of the conditioning of our DNA.  Some organisms which lived long ago may not have felt pain, and were at a grave disadvantage. Those species became extinct because they weren't able to feel the pain when something wasn't right.  There are people born today which by a fluke of nature can not feel pain.  These people usually don't live long.

The second  type of suffering that the Buddha saw was the suffering of change.  We feel this kind of suffering whenever we feel that something shouldn't be the way it is. If we had been used to it being that way, and we accepted how it was, then we wouldn't have perceived a change. Sometimes I see myself feeling resentful that its so cold in the winter.  If I let my reasoning come to words it might sound something like this: "How come its so cold. My hands hurt, my toes hurt, I have to wear bulky clothing and even that doesn't keep my body warm enough.  Six months ago it was warm, so why is it cold now?!?  I don't want it to be cold!"  I don't actually say those words, but my emotional reaction is the same as if I had.

This resistance to the present situation is based in the notion that it shouldn't be that way, that it should be better, or more fun, or more nourishing, or more comfortable. There is a comparison going on.  If I had been born on an Ice planet which was always cold, and I had never knew warmth, then I would not resist being cold.  I would not suffer from the change. Another example of the suffering of change is when someone we love doesn't love us anymore.  Oh how painful the suffering of change is. Whether they never actually loved us the whole time, or whether they did and their feelings for us changed, its just as painful because we see it as a change.  Its a change in how we thought our world was.  As human beings we resist change at every turn, unless we see the change as an improvement of some condition we had already been resisting.  For example, in the spring it is so blissful to be able to go outside in a T-shirt and feel warmth.

The suffering of pain and the suffering of change are linked.  For instance when we burn our finger, we feel pain, and our minds may think. It shouldn't be this way, and then we shout. "WHO LEFT THE STOVE ON!"
We had a finger that was doing just fine, and then our world was disrupted and now it hurts. We want to know how to fix the situation so it won't happen ever again, and so our anger rises to help us fix that situation. We look for a reason that we can focus our laser beam eyes on and we usually find someone or something to blame.  Sometimes we blame ourselves and in these cases we turn our anger inward.  Guilt is anger turned inward.

Politics is a great example of the suffering of change.  People get so upset when they learn that their government is corrupt. "It shouldn't be this way!" they shout.  They believed for the longest time that there was no corruption, or at least that there wasn't much. How upsetting it is to find out that the reality of the situation is different from what they believed it to be.  Their anger is based in their feeling that "it shouldn't be this way" which is based in the notion that it used to be different.

One could argue that getting angry and protesting is an effective way to change an unjust situation.  This may be sometimes true in a relative sense, but the fact remains that people suffer from their resistance to what is.  This isn't to say that we should all just lay down and be doormats to every power hungry sociopath that walks into office.  This acceptance of a situation is an acknowledgement of what life is right now.  Its not a statement that that is the way it should or will stay, it is simply a complete honest assessment and acceptance of what is.  People who work for change from a place of calm acceptance of what is, often are far more effective at changing the situation than people who are suffering from the dashed beliefs of finding out that their world is not what they thought it was.

Acceptance of what is, is acceptance of the fact that life is change. Change is always there, in every aspect of life.  Being disappointed with every wrinkle is a resistance to the fact that our bodies are constantly changing. Resistance to the fact that life is a process of birth, aging, sickness and ultimately death is a fundamental source of suffering for us all.

You couldn't have life without change. You couldn't be born if there were no death because change is the foundation of life and death is a necessary aspect of change.  Complete acceptance of this fact will bring you great peace, because you will probably no longer fear death.   Complete acceptance of the impermanence of existence, is the realization of the true nature of life.  This is not bad news.  The "bad" part of this fact is based in the resistance to change; the feeling that "it shouldn't be this way."

This leads to the third type of suffering that the Buddha spoke of in his first lesson.  That is, the all pervasive suffering of ego.  The Buddhas of all the times have said that we are suffering and we don't even know it.   We may get a glimpse of that suffering when we are quiet and we feel the hum of boredom pulsing through our body. Or we may realize the nature and intensity of that all pervasive suffering when we find ourselves in total bliss because everything has worked out the way we want it, and we relax deeply into the present moment. Its like just after great sex, when we lie in bed next to the one we love with a big smile on our face. When the ego calms down and slows down, the all pervasive suffering or wanting clears from the sky and we can know the peace which lies underneath.  We often attribute the experience to the event or person who we were with when we had it.  We may find our selves saying someday: "They are so important because they make me so happy! How could I live without that kind of peace? I have to convince them not to leave me." Another example is perhaps the morning of the third day of a "perfect" vacation on a quiet beach where we just had a great breakfast and we sit watching the beautiful sun rise cresting up from the purple horizon.  Our satisfaction runs deep, and our ego rests. Underneath lies the bliss and peace which is our birthright. We may come to conclude that that beach is magical rather then realizing it is our own ego which is keeping that peace covered over with fears, and hopes, and anger, and jealousy, and desire, and ......

I once had a very deep experience of egolessness at a meditation retreat. It lasted several hours, and I understood what it meant when the Buddhas say "there is no self".  I can say from personal experience that without the constant hum of ego's vigilant wanting, there is a peace that runs to the bottom of your being.  A peace that goes beyond the imagination.  It is not something that has to be created by aligning the causes and conditions of our life. It is not something that we need to "make" happen. It is not something that we might win like the lottery.  It is actually the fundamental nature of our awareness.  It is what is underneath all the dissatisfaction which we experience almost constantly.   I believe that this dissatisfaction stems from our ego's evolutionary programming to constantly and vigilantly be in charge.  If it weren't in charge it might die, and if it died then there is an underlying belief that we would die.  But that belief is false. Without this program which hums along day and night, the awareness which underlies who we think we are, would continue.  But that's a whole other topic.

So, suffering is what we have as humans; and there are reasons why we suffer. If there were no reasons why we suffer, if we suffered simply because of the toss of cosmic dice, then it would be really bad news. The Buddhas message was actually a very positive one because he said that there is a cause behind our suffering, and if we can learn what that cause is, we can also learn to transcend our suffering.  Good news!

I think we all instinctively know that suffering has a cause, because we have invented so many techniques and beliefs to escape it; to "make life better"  so to speak.  Almost all of our techniques involve changing some aspect of our environment in order to "fix" whats wrong.  If we have an old car and it keeps breaking down, we are motivated to get a new car which won't change like the old car did; it will be "reliable".  In many ways our solutions temporarily work by eliminating what we perceived to be the problem. The new car doesn't break down as often, or not at all initially.   But for every solution, more problems come up.  For instance, in order to buy a new car, we have to take out a loan, which means we have to work more to pay for it.  We also worry that we will lose this new car we are so proud of, so we install a security system. We worry when we park it, for fear someone will scratch the paint.  We don't want it to change in anyway. The suffering we fixed by buying a new car, is replaced by new suffering.  Its like the whack-a-mole game. You hit one mole down into its hole, and another one or two pops up.

The older we get in life, the more complicated everything becomes because we have to maintain all these "fixes".  The more we have to work and toil over the minutia of life in order to maintain the complex web we have created, the more we suffer.  Life can reach a frenzied pace because of all these efforts.  We may, in a moment of clarity want it all to go away. We may decide one day that its all ridiculous, and we just are tired of playing this game.  We may go off and live in a cabin in the woods.  But that solution has problems of its own.  

The real problem underneath it all is that we think that the problem is "out there", when in fact it isn't.  Its actually inside.  Inside our psyche.  Inside our way of thinking and seeing the world.  There is an old teaching that says, its better to cover your feet in leather than to try to cover all the rocky surfaces of the planet in leather.   This is not to say that the solution to suffering is to harden ourselves against it by our strength of will.  It is saying that the source of our suffering is in our resistance to what is.

Out of that resistance three root emotions have evolved; passion, aggression and ignorance.  We don't like our old car breaking down, so we get angry at it (aggression).  When that doesn't work we long (or have passion) for a new car. When our friends tell us that we can't afford one, we ignore them. So, we go out and buy the new car, and it creates more suffering.   Out of passion, aggression and ignorance our actions create more and more suffering.  We don't like a co-worker and feel upset that they get special treatment by the boss, so we try to alleviate the feeling by talking trash about them to our other friends at work.  Eventually we create a world of drama at work where we are constantly having to watch our back in fear that others might be trash talking about us when we aren't there.  What we thought would alleviate our yukky feelings of jealousy, have actually created more problems and more yukky feelings.  The examples are endless.

When we are feeling negatively towards our coworkers, instead of jumping right into our pattern of talking trash about them (covering the rocks with leather), what if we looked clearly and honestly at why we felt the way we did.  What if we decided not to talk badly about them? This is what they meant by covering your feet with leather.

The Buddha said that the path out of suffering is called the noble eightfold path.  It consists of:

1. Right speech
2. Right action
3. Right view
4. Right intention
5. Right livelihood
6. Right effort
7. Right mindfulness
8. Right meditation (or sometimes called concentration)

He said that the way out of the cycle of suffering starts by ending the causes of our suffering. He didn't say... "God won't like you if you sin, and he will smite you, so you better be good!" He said, we create our own suffering and if and when we realize this, and want to stop suffering, here are some basic changes we need to make in ourselves so that we won't create any more negative consequences which we will suffer from in the future.  He said, take charge of your own happiness!  Here's how to do it.  If you don't, all that will happen is that you will continue to suffer.  Some have said that this is why we suffer, so we can come to a better realization of how to live in better harmony with ourselves and others.  Its like learning the hard way.  If we don't learn the lesson, we will go through the cycle of suffering until we do.  In other words, we can suffer as much as we want.

When I first read the noble eightfold path list I thought, "Oh no... another set of rules to follow. Geezsh!" However, its not like that at all.  We don't have to be perfect, we can be a hypocrite and still escape suffering.  In reality it is impossible not to be a hypocrite in this world. There are too many compromises in life not to contradict your self.  Having the notion that you should not change your opinions or beliefs is just as ridiculous as thinking that you will not grow old, and die.  Life is a work in progress, not a test of our perfection. So, the important thing is not to fear making mistakes but to learn from them.

So, what do each of the eight changes mean in terms of our lives?  What does it mean to have right speech, and right intention, and right effort, and right action?  I could probably write a book describing all the details of what you should and shouldn't do, but then I wouldn't be very helpful because you would be trying to live your life by a rule book, and it would be a complicated, disappointing, stressful experience.  All I can say about this is what so many have said before. If you live your life predominantly caring about others, and you don't do things or say things to them that you would not want done or said to you in a reverse situation, then you really can't go wrong.  This is what is meant by right intention and right effort.  Live your life from a broader perspective, not from a small me centered view.  If you do that, if you make that your daily practice, then in the long run, you will be so much more happy than you are right now, you will look back and think... Wow... it was that easy all along, and I didn't even have a clue. :-)

Imagine

Imagine a world where we all did unto others as we would want done to us.  What if everyone asked that question before doing anything.  Would I want this done to me?  If not, then they wouldn't. Imagine how that single mental habit would change the way societies make decisions?  Would there be such a thing as special interests?  Would people steal, cheat, or murder others if they really abided by that simple rule?  They wouldn't.

But just imagine for a minute, or even longer, what the world would be like if everyone would do that simple exchange.  Exchanging themselves for others.  To remember that everyone wants to be happy.  All the things you want for yourself, others want too.  We are all human beings, and we all want recognition, respect, understanding, kinship, acceptance and love.   If everyone, or even most people would see others with the same respect and love that they would want for themselves, then the world would be radically different. Everyone would be respected. Everyone would be recognized, understood (or at least people would try to understand).  Everyone would feel kinship and acceptance, and most importantly, everyone would feel more loved. By giving, we would be getting.

Today, in our world, we can see the effects of me-ism.  Me-ism is the way of the land here on Earth.  People say that its a "dog eat dog world" out there, and you have to only look after yourself.  If thats true, then why do most people love their kids so much?  How many people charge their kids for every dinner? How many people try to profit from and exploit their kids?  Some do, but most don't, because most parents love their kids.  The fact is, that most people work very hard so that their kids have a good life, or at least a chance at what they believe to be success.  This isn't me-ism.  Me-ism is when we exploit others for our own benefit.  From something as small as when we take a handful of extra sugar packets to the exploitation of entire countries,  me-ism is accumulating more and more wealth, while letting others languish in poverty and starve.  Me-ism is cumulative. If enough people see the world as a place where their needs are more important than everyone else's, then there are things like wars and injustices galore.      

Capitalism is totally based on me-ism.  In fact selfishness has become a terrible cult amoung the capitalist culture.  Adam Smith to Ayan Rand all proclaimed that everything will be just fine if and when we all just look out for ourselves.  But were they right?  Take a look at the world right now.  From climate change to weapons of mass destruction we can see the effects of me-ism.  Communism was supposed to be the antidote to me-ism, but it didn't really work because of me-ism.  Productivity dropped when there wasn't any personal incentive.  Corruption is rampant both in capitalist and communist societies.  Corruption always stems from me-ism. Every wallet that was ever picked was done with a selfish hand. They were only looking out for themselves or perhaps their immediate family.  They didn't imagine how they would feel if they were the one who was violated. Every brutal dictator who committed genocide, was coming from a place of extreme me-ism.  Extreme me-ism is really what people call "evil", but all it is, is extreme ego, or in other worlds, insanity.

The antidote to me-ism is you-ism.  Its really simple.  Exchanging yourself for others is a simple step of the mind.  Its a small leap of imagination, and an opening of the heart.  Instead of going through each day seeing the world as a series of threats and disappointments because "nothing ever works out for me", try going through a day seeing your world from the perspective of "how can I make the world better for him or her?"  Instead of seeing someone else's success as your failure, or shortcoming, try seeing it in the same way a team mate see's another teammates big goal.  Its a win for everyone, because we are all on the same team.
I wholeheartedly recommend trying this for a day or a week, and noticing how your life changes.  Its actually quite remarkable.  When I started seeing other's successes from the perspective that they too deserved to be happy, and we were on the same team, my happiness level went up tremendously.  The joy of their success became my joy as well.  When I used to be jealous that so and so got that promotion instead of me, I was pretty miserable. My world was small.  When I started imagining what it felt like to them when they got that promotion, I too became happy. Its like their joy rubbed off on me.  In Buddhism, this is called sympathetic joy.  Its remarkably easy to do once you start trying, and it will make you more happy than you could ever have imagined.  

Once you start seeing others as being equally deserving of happiness as yourself, then your world will change. More people will become your friend. More opportunities will come your way.  Your world will expand, and become truly meaningful.  Eventually, you will come to know more and more in your heart that others are worth caring for, and aren't that much different then you.  You will be there to feel the pain right along with your friend who just lost their cat. Or you won't think twice about volunteering to help rebuild a friends porch which just collapsed due to a huge snowfall.  The more you give, the more you will realize that you didn't need  that thing after all, and in that way, you will realize that true wealth is a state of mind, not a fat bank account. You will begin to see others as equals. Not equal in the sense of intelligence or abilities, or things, but equals in the sense of their basic life force that makes them another living being worthy of being respected.  You will see in their eyes their true humanity. It will be easy to connect to them, and share a moment of honest mutual respect.  Seeing others as equals will lead to this kind of experience more and more.  This is perhaps the greatest gift of giving. Giving your honest respect for another, simply because you are both alive, will make you realize your own aliveness more and more in your heart of hearts.  I believe this is the true purpose of our lives. To realize what it really means to BE alive.

If you could imagine a world where everyone loved each other as much as they loved their own kids, then you will see a world without crime.  You will see a world, where everyone works for the benefit of others, and in doing so, all needs are met.  You will see a world where everything is free and there is no money. A world without corruption, or pollution, or injustice, or wars, or maybe even fights.  It would be a world where everyone's efforts  come from a place of personal passion and not from a place of greed.  I'm not saying that it would be a perfect utopia, because there is no such thing as perfection in this universe.  There probably would still be some egos that created problems, but those problems would be dealt with in a compassionate way.  For instance, I can envision in this future world, situations where the people who were most impoverished were the ones living in the mansions. They would be served by the wealthy who were only wealthy because in their hearts they would know that they didn't need a mansion to be happy and at peace.  What a turn around it would be.

In this future "enlightened society" I can imagine that when someone was hungry, they would go to a restaurant, and be greeted by a stranger who regarded them as a long lost friend.  The cook would want to serve them the best meal they could because they were living out of the perspective of "you-ism" instead of me-ism.  I imagine that when that restaurant needed more vegetables, they would call a local farmer who would be more than happy to bring some of the highest quality carrots and peppers or whatever they had available, simply because they cared, and saw their role in life as being bigger then simply serving themselves.

If everyone, or even the vast majority of people had this view, then this world would become our reality.  Everything would be free, and life would not revolve around the accumulation of stuff, or the protection of territory.  Life would revolve around being a contributing member of the world.  If everyone had faith that their needs would be met by others, then it would be easy to give away whatever anyone else wanted.  Possessions would really take on a whole new meaning.

This future world is possible, but it will require a fundamental shift in how we as individuals see the world.  We will have to change our minds.  This is what Buddhism is all about; helping people change their minds so that someday, we will all have the chance of living in an enlightened society.

Morality and Clouding the Mind

All religions have codes of behavior. Christianity has the ten commandments; no stealing, no lying no murder,  no coveting, etc.   Buddhism has the noble eight fold path; right speech, right livlihood, right action, right effort, right mindfulness, right concentration, right intention and right view.  In Christianity, the ten commandments is a code of behavior supposedly laid down from an all powerful, all knowing parental figure.  If we broke one of those rules, he would know it, and eventually we'd have to answer to him, and apologize, usually after we died.   Buddhism has a different take on why we should follow a code of behavior.  Since buddhism is a non-theistic philosophy the reason why it makes sense to try to abide by the noble eightfold path, has nothing to do with being punished, because there is no punisher.  Some people may say that the karmic results of our actions can be like a punishment, but if that's true, then we are punishing ourselves, because we are the ones who set the forces of karma in motion.   Karma is an ancient word which means that for every action there is an effect that will be experienced sometime in the future.

In Christianity the effect of doing one thing wrong is that you won't be allowed into gods home when you die, unless you ask for his forgiveness and accept him into your heart.  Since we are human beings with selfish tendencies, we often break at least some of the ten commandments, and so many Christians either have to pretend to be perfect or they have to ask for forgiveness many times throughout their lives.  There is a constant barrage of minor misdeeds that bring a sense of guilt to most Christians.

With karma theory, its a different approach.  Its like we are a work in progress. We accept that we aren't perfect (whatever 'perfect' means), and we work on ourselves wherever we see that work is needed.  The reason why we try to get out of the habit of lying, is not because we are displeasing our 'father who are in heaven', its because we know, or are at least are told, that we will have to suffer in some way in the future because of our actions today.  For example, if someone lies all the time, then their life gets very complicated. They have to remember what they said to whom, and constantly maintain their 'stories'. Eventually, no one believes what they say.  This is one of the many karmic effects of lying.  It may not happen right away, but it will happen eventually, maybe in a future life if reincarnation is true.

Padmasambhava, the great enlightened yogi who brought Buddhism to Tibet 1500 years ago, said  "if you want to know what you did in your past lives look at your present life, if you want to know what your future lives will be like, look at your present actions."   Since the karmic effects of our actions are cumulative then it is the things we do over and over that will really come back to bite us.

The positive side of this is that if you get into the habit of being helpful to others, if you get in the habit of telling the truth, if you get into the habit of caring about others, then in the future you will experience the benefits of those actions.  For example, if a person is very generous in one life they may become rich in the next.  Of course, if they then think that God has made them rich because they are somehow special, then they may become greedy, and develop an attitude of entitlement. This belief may cause them to get into the habit of hording and stealing. These actions will plunge them back into poverty in their next life.  This is the cycle of suffering.  Out of ignorance, we do things which cause us suffering. We also unwittingly do things which later cause us joy.  

Right actions are done for different reasons in Buddhism than in Christianity. In Christianity we strive to be good children of God. In Buddhism we strive to avoid future suffering and to clarify our view of reality.   In Christianity, we need to become perfect or else we are going to hell.  In Buddhism, we have all the time in the universe to suffer again and again until we figure it out. No one from up above is judging us, no one is keeping tabs, or writing it down in a ledger.  In essence, we can suffer as much as we want.   So, the whole idea in Buddhism is to work on yourself.  Not so that the Buddha will like you, but because that is the process of growth and evolution we are meant to go through in order to realize who we really are.   Guilt has nothing to do with it.  Does a painter feel guilty that they made a mistake on the canvas? Probably not. They simple see it, and correct it.  If the painter felt guilty all the time whenever they made a mistake, then they probably wouldn't paint for too long.  When the Dalai Lama was asked if he ever felt guilty, he didn't know what they meant. He didn't know the meaning of guilt. This is because Buddhism has been such an integral part of Tibetan culture for so long, that they don't have the concept of guilt.  

There is a big difference between living in fear of being imperfect, and living a life in which you are happy with every improvement.   Refraining from gossip because you want to be perfect, and fear the result of being imperfect, is very different from not gossiping because you know that in the long run you will be much happier if you don't.  Sure you may gossip sometimes, but if you are improving slowly, then there is a sense of joy in that.  Its a big relief to know that you don't have to be perfect.

So, if the universe has a law of karma, just as it has a law of gravity, then how does the law of karma work?  If there isn't someone recording all our actions and judging us for them, then how do our actions later cause us joy or suffering?   I guess only fully enlightened masters know for sure, but I believe its because our actions reinforce the inner beliefs we have. For instance being greedy, reinforces the inner belief that you don't have enough already. Always fighting to be superior leads one to the notion that you need to be superior, and who you are right now, is not enough.  Always being a "know it all", and working hard to impress others, reinforces the deep inner belief that you aren't good enough, and that others wouldn't listen to you or respect you if you weren't an "expert." Since actions seem to have a more powerful effect on what we believe than just thoughts, repeated actions seem to ingrain these inner beliefs more and more.

What all the different rules of behavior do is help us to avoid being selfish. Selfishness clouds our understanding of who we are.  Selfish actions reinforce the erroneous belief that we are separate from all other life.  If the right hand started believing that it was superior to the left hand, and its actions reinforced that belief, then eventually it would see itself as a completely different being than the left hand.  It would think that its life is somehow more important than the left hand's life. If you look, you can see this belief everywhere in human society. Its sad to see the end result (the karmic result) of that inner belief.  This is why killing other beings should be avoided as much as possible, because that type of action reinforces the erroneous belief that you are separate from the rest of life, and that "your" life is somehow more important than everyone else's.    

Clarifying our understanding of the nature of reality, and who we really are, is far more important than projecting an image of goodness to the universe.  Not that being a good person is something that should be avoided, but it won't save you from the cycle of suffering.  It wont help us find our way home.  All the selfish actions, subtle and gross, have kept us in this cycle for longer than we could even imagine. Many a smug crusader of whats "right" and "good" have done more harm than good.

Becoming liberated, becoming enlightened, is not about building ourselves up. Its about realizing that our self centered view, is what has kept us trapped all along; trapped in a narrow view of who we are, and why we're here. We're not here to "become" someone special, to prove anything to anyone, to make our everlasting mark on the world. We're here to realize that we don't need to be anyone, that there isn't anything to prove, and there is no sense in making our mark on the world if we are doing so to feel complete. There is no real way to make our mark on this world anyway because impermanence is the way of this world.  Nothing in this world, including our "selves", is permanent.  Ironically, this is not bad news.  When this is realized, we can relax.  Real peace comes when we realize that our own simple awareness of this very life, that our natural curiosity, and our basic aliveness, is what its really all about.  To realize this, is to fulfill our true purpose. This kind of wisdom can not be "known" by the mind.  Its what is often discovered when the mind made "things" of this life finally fall apart.   When this is seen thoroughly without the mind jumping in with some interpretation like: "woah is me, I am a failure." or "those bastards have really screwed me this time."  then you can know in your heart of hearts that what we really are goes beyond this material world.  Way beyond.  What has always been keeping us from this knowing, is our mind made stories and beliefs.

So, the real point of right action is not to become a saint, (although you may appear to be one to others.) The real point is to help clarify the mind.  To clear it out of the habitual reactions; to see through the stories, and judgements, to slow it all down so that the only thing left is our quiet knowing.  This knowing is there right now, and has always been there.  This knowing is realizing that we don't "have" a life, we ARE life.  This knowing is realizing that the reason why we should care about others is because we really aren't separate from them.  You can really get a glimpse of this sometimes when others are in pain. Sometimes when others are in pain, and we don't have an easy way of judging them as different, or separate from us, then we can feel their pain too. This is compassion. Compassion is not something you need to "do", its something you can uncover if you have the courage to feel their pain, right along with them.  If we truly were separate from them, then there wouldn't be compassion in this world.

So the selfish actions cloud our mind, and selfless actions bring us closer to the underlying truth.  The Buddha said that all suffering comes from selfish actions, and all joy comes from selfless actions.  I really feel this is true. I hope you do too.

The view of the three kayas

Life is marked by growth and decay, fast and slow change. Thats what growth and decay are, change.  Change is a fundamental aspect of the universe. Even something which is seemingly still is moving constantly on some level.  Every atom constantly moves and vibrates, every subatomic particle is constantly moving, taking on energy and giving it out.  There is a flow to it all. If you stand quietly you can notice it. There's a sound here and a rustle there. So much is going on. A bird singing in the distance. The light and shadow of a moving tree. A leaf rolls slowly down from the sky. What you can see depends on your patience.  If you were patient enough, maybe you could see a mountain crumble away.

There is a famous teaching in Buddhism called the Three Kayas; Dharmakaya, Sambhogakaya, and Nirmanakaya. The three together describe this ever changing and flowing nature of existence.  

Dharmakaya is the pregnant space inbetween sentences. It is the mother of creativity and is where curiosity resides.  The open possibilities of every moment is a place of crackly energy. Sambhogakaya is movement. The movement of becoming. Its the momentum of karma that brought us here and dictates where we are going unless we see through it thoroughly.  Sambhogakaya is the process of creation. Growth is the main element of sambhogakaya.  

Once something has become what its karma has driven it to become, then it it seemingly solid and concrete. There is an "is-ness" to it. It seems real. This is called Nirmanakaya.  The world is filled with things which are holding a form for the time being.  The things that fill our world only exist temporarily. Even a mountain will eventually turn to silt.  If you hold a glass of water in your hand and you drink the water, its no longer a glass of water, just a glass.  Its nature changed.  If you drop that glass and it shatters into a million scattering pieces, its no longer a glass.  Every glass will eventually break.  Its is-ness will end and the isness of all the shards of glass will be.

The three kayas together describe our real experience. In every moment there is a uniqueness and an infinite amount of elements to be aware of. In any moment we can choose to be aware. To be aware of the possibilities and to be aware of the movement, growth, decay, and to be aware of the solidity and is-ness that seems to pervade all things and ideas.

Standing silently we can tune into this process. We can feel the possibilities of any given moment, we can notice the changes and sounds happening constantly.  We can be aware that the solidity is there and is temporary.  You can adopt the three kaya (or trikaya) view at any time for any amount of time.  Standing in the forest, you can stop and just listen.  You can hear it everywhere.  The wind caressing the leaves of the trees. The faint chirp of a small bird, the intermittent scratching of a squirrel climbing a tree.

When you tune into the world from this perspective the world often becomes very vibrant and  incredibly beautiful. colors become brighter and more subtle, sounds more prevalent, textures more interesting.  Becoming open to your experience of the world is the process of dropping your agenda for a moment, forgetting the worries, and fears, and just being there ready to experience life fully.  If you are curious about the possibilities of each moment; if you are attentive to each movement, each sound, each feeling; if you are fascinated by each form, by the shape and texture of it, then you are there.    Start with sound.  Close your eyes and wait patiently for a sound. You won't have to wait long.  When a sound appears, let it pass like a white line passes underneath your car on the freeway. Don't cling onto the experience, just constantly wait for the next experience while at the same time experiencing what is here now. Labeling is not letting the white line pass beneath the car. Its stopping it, and trying to hold it, to control it, and make it permanent.  Nothing is permament.  Letting all your experiences flow through your senses is like skiing down a mountain at full speed.  There's no need to count the trees when you wiz down the mountain.  Theres no time to anyway. Just let them go by, and be there to enjoy the experience.

Wait patiently for each experience with the curiosity that you would have if you didn't know what was going to happen.  In reality, you don't.  If you find that everything has to have a label, then notice how your mind labels things. There is a growth, and isness to each thought.  In between thoughts there is the possibilities of many new thoughts popping up.

The world is not a fixed thing that we can ever fully grasp and control. Its a flowing, ever changing set of experiences, which we always have the chance to tune into.  Patience, unfocused awareness and curiosity are the keys to seeing the world in a new light.  Try it, you might like it.

The ball and chain of discipline

Discipline is a really loaded word for our culture.  'You should do this!', 'You should do that!'  When we are being "disciplined" it usually means we did something wrong.  It means we "sinned."  I've heard that the origin of the word "sin" comes from a Greek word meaning to "miss the mark."  Just like the word discipline, the word sin has heavy emotional connotations for most of us. As we were growing up we were full of the creative life energy that is still at our core. As we were learning about the world we often would screw up something like not being able to put the phone back together after we had taken it apart.  When life was simple, and we used sticks to plant our potatoes or whatever it was we planted, so there wasn't much to screw up.  As life became more and more technologically complex, it became easier and easier to make mistakes that would stop the whole thing from working.  Somebody was bound to get pissed off. What did they do when the phone didn't work anymore?  They looked for the person who screwed it up. They would say things like: "You broke it" , "You break things",  "You are always breaking things" , "You are a bad person", "Don't touch anything, just sit here quietly."  We were just being curious, and look where it got us.  We were criticized and reigned in and suppressed.

The question is, is it useful to discipline and criticize people?  Does it work to help people hit the target next time?  What does criticism really do?   When we criticize ourselves, does it help us to become better people?  Does it help us to do everything right, and keep the wheels and cogs of our mechanized life running smoothly?  If it does, then are we happier because of that?  Does criticism make people better, happier people, or does it cripple us and make us think we are no good?  Does it make us think that we need to be perfect to be good? Does criticism make us into productive, perfect little non-sinners?

I've found that it actually does the opposite.  When we are young, and still very uncertain of who we are, then others opinions of us are really important.  We believe our parents when they told us we were bad because we took the phone apart.   Every criticism became further evidence that we were imperfect, and maybe even bad. Every time we broke something, every time we got a bad grade on the spelling or math test and our parents frowned, we came to believe that we were no good.  We wanted to be good people.  When we played with our friends, we would feel the energy of life flowing through us and we would feel good.  Every time we laughed a genuine, full chested laugh, we would connect with our inner goodness, but that wasn't enough to overcome the daily criticism from the mechanized, complex world where everything had to be just so, in order to keep working.  Doing our homework, getting to school on time, getting good grades.  It all required concentration, and container.  The creative life energy we had, had to be contained and suppressed in order for us to be "good" people.

All this criticism, and containment has really done the opposite of what we had intended.  Its made us into scared, depressed, sad individuals who believe that we have to hold it together by force of will or our lives will fall apart. The 70's band "Supertramp" said it best in The logical song   Usually what all this criticism has done is to make us worried constantly about making "mistakes", about being exposed for our "faults".  If we are criticized a lot when we are growing up, we often learn to start criticizing ourselves in our own heads.  In this way, our parents learned to be critical and heavy handed, and we learn from them to be critical and heavy handed, and we often pass that way of thinking on to our kids.  You may find that you are criticizing yourself right now for being so critical and judgemental.  The criticizing is criticizing the criticizing. :-) 

I've found that I am much more productive and have much better results when I approach work from an almost playful attitude.  When I'm not worried too much about doing it all "right" then I relax and take it all more slowly, and enjoy the process, and I actually make fewer mistakes.  When I'm not feeling bad about making a mistake, then whatever I'm doing becomes play, not work.  When your whole idea of self doesn't rest on the outcome of whatever it is you're doing, then what you're doing becomes lighter, less heavy.  Mistakes can be seen as a blessing when you don't believe that you need to be perfect.  When I first started working on cars, I probably broke more than I fixed because I needed to make a whole bunch of mistakes in order to learn how it all worked.  The mistakes were the tuition I had to pay to learn how to do it.  If someone gives me a recipe to follow, and I don't know why I am doing each step in the recipe, then there is very little chance that I will remember how to do that task in the future.  But if I make mistakes along the way, then I can learn why.

Mistakes are probably the most important way that we have in this life to learn.  By thinking deep down that we are no good when we make a mistake, we are cutting ourselves off from the joy of learning.  We cut ourselves off from the growth that happens when we learn and evolve as human beings.  If we like who we are right now, then we can't curse our past no matter how many mistakes or "sins" we may have done.  If we don't think that we are "bad" people because we have made those mistakes; if we instead realize that those mistakes were a big, necessary part of growth and learning, then we may even come to be happy that we made those mistakes.

When the Dalai Lama was first told about the word "guilt" he didn't understand because there is no equivalent concept in Tibet.  Yet Tibetan teachings do talk about "remorse".  So whats the difference between western "guilt" and eastern "remorse?"  The difference is that in the west, we see our sins or mistakes as evidence that we are "no good" deep down.  When we feel bad about yelling at our kids, we are feeling bad about ourselves because we want to be "perfect" parents. Guilt is an ego based emotion, whereas eastern remorse is really more about compassion.  If we had remose for yelling at our kids, because we made them cry, we would feel bad with them. When we feel remorse we could simply decide, 'I don't like feeling bad when they feel bad, so I will remember that yukky feeling next time I am thinking of yelling at them.' It would have  nothing to do with who you are deep down. Its simply would be a part of learning how to be a better parent.  If on the other hand we feel bad about ourselves because we "sinned", because we screwed up, because we over reacted, because once again we've shown that we are not perfect like Jesus, then we are much more likely to rationalize the whole situation; to shift the blame.  We might think that our kid deserved to cry, or we might think that being a parent requires us to yell at our kids.  The more emotional energy we bring to a situation, the less likely we will see it clearly.  If we slowly learn that our basic nature is like that of the Buddha, then we won't take it so personally when we make mistakes.   I became a much more effective parent when I finally realized that I wasn't ever going to be a perfect parent, but that didn't mean my kids lives were doomed. The more I realize that deep down I am basically good, and mistakes don't take away from that, the more I am able to feel remorse for mistakes and the less guilty I feel for those mistakes.

Living from a place of guilt is like living in a dungeon. Its a dark scary place, where you need to control everything.  When our playful energy is covered over with the dark energy of guilt and suppression, then our lives become very gloomy.  Many people who are in the habit of criticizing themselves habitually, often turn to alcohol or drugs in order to get some relief from that dungeon.  The medication often become a further source of guilt though, so in the long run that approach sends them further into the dungeon.  They believe more and more deeply that they are not good, that they will never be perfect.

Living from a place of knowing that you are basically good, that the inner light of your basic nature is that of life, and that that inner nature is as inextinguishable as the sun, is living in a place of freedom.  Did you ever notice that some people have a spring in their step, and even laugh when they make a mistake?  They don't even seem to try and yet they often pull of the most amazing feats of athleticism or skill.  When they are doing their thing, whether its knitting, or snow boarding, they are enjoying life.  A mistake is looked at, learned from, and they become even better.  Its not personal, and they probably don't even use their successes as any indication of who they are as a person.  Maybe there is something you really do that you enjoy.  You look forward to doing it because its "fun".  Succeeding, or failing with that thing probably has nothing to do with your notion of who you think you are.  When you make a mistake, its no big deal, because your whole soul is not at stake.  There is no reason to blame anyone else for a mistake because its not really personal.  So because its not personal, its much easier to learn from mistakes.  It might be something as simple as doing sudoku or crosswords in the morning.  It might be restoring an old sailboat in your garage.  But, as soon as we bring our self into the picture, the energy of the task changes.  If all of a sudden, we entered a crossword contest and we wanted to prove to the world how great we are at solving crosswords, then the whole situation would change.  We would be moving from the garden into the dungeon.

I'm not saying we need to throw off all the responsibilities of our life and join a hippy commune.  I'm saying that it would actually be much more useful for us to change our approach. To not take it all so seriously.  I had a bunch of bumper stickers made up. They say: "No matter how big your grave stone is, it wont make you any less dead"  It may sound negative, but knowing that life is not about becoming rich or famous, or even becoming super successful, is actually a big relief.   Knowing that its not about being perfect, is a huge relief.  Its like the jailer has decided to let us out of the dungeon.  Life becomes play when its not about becoming someone other than who you are already.  The need to do certain things like going to work or doing the dishes, does not need to be something we force on ourselves like a dungeon master whipping the chain gang into breaking the rocks faster. We don't need to force ourselves out of fear and heavy handedness into doing the necessary tasks. Even if we don't take it all very seriously, it doesn't mean we will just become slobs.  If we do become slobs, then maybe thats OK too, for as long as we need to be slobs to realize that we actually may enjoy a clean house more than a messy one.  If we are slobs for a while, does it mean we are no good?  No. It doesn't. If we clean the house not because we believe it will mean anything about who we are, but rather because we learned that we like it better clean then messy, we are approaching cleaning in a whole new way. We may not enjoy it, but if we give into the process because we know we need to in order to get what we like, then cleaning becomes more lighthearted.  Its not so serious.  If we force ourselves into standing in line at the grocery store, it feels so much different than if we give in to standing there because we accept the fact that we have to wait in line to have food.  If we are suppressing ourselves and using the force of will to stand there, then it becomes really annoying when the cashier is going slow, or if the person in front of us has a lot of groceries. But if we give in to the situation, and accept that this is an experience we are having, then the whole experience can become playful. We might make a new friend, or joke around a little with the people standing in line with us.  The person in front of us is not viewed as an obstacle, but rather a fellow waiter. When you give into a situation as opposed to making the situation "go your way", the doors to the dungeon open, and light shines in.

The key to the dungeon is already in your hands.  Its been there all along.   If we simply accept that doing the dishes is the experience we must have at this moment, because we like clean dishes, and we give into that, and realize that success or failure it has nothing to do with who we are, then life becomes light and easy.  We may even find that there is a spring in our step, rather than a drudge in our trudge.   If you find yourself saying, 'yeah thats all well and good but what I'm doing with such and such project is really important.'   Ask yourself, what part of that project will last?  What has anyone done in the past that really lasted, or will last forever?  Even the pyramids will eventually crumble into dust.  If you are doing what you do because you enjoy it, then it really doesn't matter if it lasts forever does it?  If you are doing what you are doing because you hope it gives your life some ultimate meaning or definition, then sadly, I have to say it will not work.  Even if you won the nobel prize in chemistry, would it give you the peace you had been hoping for? Would it "complete" you? If you take the "self" out of what you do, you will find that peace.  Life wants to flow through you, but it can't when you take it too seriously.  All creativity comes from lightheartedness, and lighthandedness.  All spark and energy, and enjoyment comes from that flow.  We cut ourselves off from life when we live in the dungeon of ego.  We cut ourselves off from others too.  Watch how kids live, and you will see.  The key to your freedom is right there.