Overcoming Boardom

I find that all the struggle that comes from wanting my experience to be "Optimum" makes my experience anything but.

On many meditation retreats and Ninthuns Ive done there always comes a point where the pain and anxiety of boredom flares up.  After the first few hours of meditation the boredom begins to intensify. Its so painful at some point that my body often knows what has to be done. To give in. Somehow, the suffering that comes from the boredom is something that has to become acute before my being just kind of gives in, and gives up. Once I give up trying to make the situation better, or more interesting, then something interesting happens. The anxiety disappears. It's the same situation, but instead of being intolerable, it can be actually quite blissful.

Giving up the notion that I have any control over the situation seems to be the main dish to eat. I really don't and didn't have much control anyway. I chose to do those retreats, and I am really glad I did. There were times when I felt like jumping up and screaming and running out of the shrine room, but I didn't. Somehow I knew that wasn't going to free me from boredom. Liberation only came when I completely gave into the situation.

Have you ever been at a checkout line that stretched on and on. You're standing there with your cart of food, waiting to pay, and as the minutes tick by, you become more and more agitated? Then, all of a sudden you just let out a big breath. A deep sigh just spontaneously happens, and although you feel sad that the effort to change your situation failed, you are somehow more at peace. Have you ever experienced that? Its really the same thing I think. Its a giving in.

Each and every situation is unique. The next time you go to the doctors office, many things will be the same, but the situation and experience will be different. There is always something different, something alive, in every moment. Being still and giving in, is the only way to notice the aliveness in every unique moment. You can only do that if you accept that the universe has put you where you are right now, for a reason. The karma of your past makes every moment of your life unfurl like a wonderful musical composition. It may not be the tune we thought "we" were making, but it is the tune which was written just for us. This might be a helpful way to look at it.

I've found that a helpful thing to do is to accept the idea that the present moment is the best moment for me, even if I can't see that. It may seem like there is something more important to do, but who can say whats most important?

Maybe what we are experiencing right now, is what is being offered, and we can experience that moment however we choose. We can be open to it as a unique moment, or we can see it as somehow a "failed" moment. What makes more sense? Accepting the present moment for what it is, giving in, and releasing the big sigh, or thinking there is always something bigger and better and brighter awaiting somewhere else?

Its like the old zen saying: If you can't find peace where you stand, then where do you hope to wander to find it?