I
think from my own experience suffering comes from some reaction to an
event. For instance, I still feel my body become angry or perhaps
saddened when I feel that someone is judging me harshly. I've found
that when I am aware that I am "suffering" I am somehow not
caught up in it quite so much. If I am angry and I notice that I am
"angry" then I usually remember to become interested in
just the feeling in my body. Its a habit worth cultivating. Each
flavor of suffering feels different in the body. Anger, for me feels
like energy coursing through all my veins with the center being in my
chest. Its really interesting to watch it. Sadness also is
interesting to notice. They all are. Some feeling states are much
more subtle than others. Arrogance is much more subtle than
Animosity.
Its
also interesting to notice how certain thoughts arise automatically
when certain feeling states are present. Like when I notice someone
scowl at me, my body instantly recoils and this starts a cascade of
thoughts which are always on the theme of "How dare they think
these things" or "They are such a jerk." Being aware
of the body's feelings and the thoughts that come up when those
feelings are present is a really interesting, almost scientific way
of finding peace within the storm while at the same time learning
about who you are.
One
caveat to this approach however, is: If you seek peace or to get
rid of the feelings, you will find only suffering even if you are
feeling the feelings. I've found that the way out of suffering is to
drive your awareness with curiosity, and the desire to really learn
about your "self." You may notice that the feeling state
can not survive without the thoughts that come from the feeling state
being believed in. If you are more interested in feeling your
feelings fully, rather than getting caught up in the automatic
thoughts/beliefs, then you are not dragging your feet while at the
same time you are not really "doing" anything. Since
awareness isn't really "doing" anything, and has no real
goal other than just to be aware there need be no effort or
resistance in it. There is just curiosity which is playful if
anything. Over time I've found that I don't get angry much anymore.
Its like some programming that created itself has been seen through
more and more thoroughly over time until you just know in your bones
that there is no reason to take life so personally anymore. Its just
life. :-)
When
I am not aware that I am suffering then I am actually suffering. I am
"dragging my feet" so to speak or as I like to say: 'I can
suffer as much as I want.' This is because I will suffer over and
over until I do notice it. Being aware that you are suffering, and
being interested in just the feeling state, and moving your awareness
there with gentle curiosity is the key that I've found to seeing my
attachments for what they are, and seeing "my ego" for what
it is. It requires no "effort" to be aware of your
suffering, it only takes courage and curiosity to feel your feelings
as fully as you can when they come up.
I've
found that over time my courage to feel the difficult feelings has
increased because I realize that I can make it through. For instance
the second time I got my heart broke it was somehow easier. Living life with more courage is a side effect of dismantling the
suffering through mindfulness of body practice. As long as you do it
out of curiosity instead of a desire for internal peace it will
eventually have the result of bringing more peace. Having more
courage to feel whatever feelings come up will likely lead to many
good things in your life aside from just feeling less suffering.
